She Lives In the Land of Make Believe

“Show me your hands!  Show me your hands right now!”

I was dead to rights with nowhere to go.  Even though they were several feet away, I could feel the heat from their pistols against my neck.  Slowly, I exhaled and lifted my hands.  Within seconds, I could feel the iron manacles tighten around my wrist as they escorted me out of my home.  There was no need to petition for my freedom.  My indiscretion had finally caught up with me.  As I slid inside of the cop car, I started to replay all the actions that led to this moment. 

It started with a wave in my DM.  Wait a minute, let me stop lying!  It started with a thirst trap picture that my man, Slim, was tagged in.  I didn’t know the demigoddess that was posted up next to him, and honestly, I really didn’t care!  All that mattered to me at the time was that she wasn’t his girl.  Whoever she was, I couldn’t take my eyes off her!  She was doing that “thot” pose.  You know, the one with her heel raised like she was wearing pumps, but she isn’t?  Anyway, I must have stared at her figure for several minutes.  And by the number of likes she was getting, her male friends were doing the same.  I perused through the comments and I saw those lonely, unimaginative brothers trying to shoot their shot.

“You’re so beautiful queen”

“A woman blessed like you shouldn’t be working so hard!”

Normally I wouldn’t give a chick like this the time of day.  I mean, there are at least a gazillion pics on IG similar, if not better, than hers!  However, there was something besides her delicious ass that kept my attention.  I clicked on her profile and began my reconnaissance mission.  I skimmed through her photos looking for a trace of a wedding band or multiple photos with one dude.  Through my five minute investigation, I never saw a ring on her finger.  As for a husband type, there was no trace of that either.  I did see a couple of pics with men, but the caption always read that it was a brother or a cousin.  I went back to the post and saw that the likes were now over a thousand!  I should have closed the app and went back to work, but my ego had other plans.

“My nigga!  You see all the dudes trying to game her!  I bet you we could pull her!”

I shook my head in dismay, remembering our recent failure with Mary.  Ego wouldn’t let doubt have a seat, kicking him out the way.

“C’mon bruh!  Fuck Mary!  You need to show these young motherfuckers what time it is!  You’re a pimp!  Go ‘head and show these fellas how it’s done!”

I smiled to myself and right clicked to make my statement.  Instead of that bullshit poetry the other pretenders were feeding, I simply responded with the looking eyes emoji.  Regardless of her not knowing me, the comment would be enough to stir her interest.

In less than thirty minutes, Ms. Cheyenne was waving at me.  My ego started popping his collar.

“Alright fam!  You know what to do!  Talk your shit!”

 So in true Roman Ellis fashion, I replied,

“Hi lady.  So where are the rest of your thirst trap pics?  You know I went looking for them”

She answered with a laughing emoji, but I knew she relished the fact that I was interested.  At this point, there was no need to pretend.  I knew what I wanted.

“Oh, I don’t take pictures like that!  I was just cutting up with Janae and Slim at the party”

“You know, you really shouldn’t be out here tempting us with all that goodness you got”

I could feel her blushing on the other end as she typed her response.

“I wasn’t trying to tempt you handsome, I sorry”

“You’re good lady.  So what’s up with you?  Are you at work bored too?”

“I wouldn’t say bored”

“Really?  So what do you do?”

“You can say that I’m established”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, and since I’m well established, that let’s me give back to my employees and the community.  I’m also humble as fuck too, so I need my man to be the same way”

A part of me wanted to dig into her definition of established because it felt like something an unemployed person would say.  That same part of me was taking note of her use of the word humble.  My momma told me that any person that brags about their humility normally are the exact opposite.  But since I had the time, I continued to play along.

“That’s cool that you give back to the people”

“Yes, I’d rather give back than to be flashy.  I’m very humble”

“That sounds a lot like me.  I stay off the grid.  There’s no need for people to see me prosper or how I help others”

“And why not?  It’s perfectly fine to show how you help others.  Positivity is needed”

My head started to hurt.  Even though I had the time, I didn’t want to deal with this.  That’s when my ego pulled out a vision of Cheyenne’s big old booty sliding down my shaft. 

“C’mon son!  You don’t need to have a conversation while you fuck her!  Let’s get this work! Let’s get this work!”

So despite my better judgement, I continued.

“Positivity is needed, but I feel that helping others doesn’t need to be broadcasted for my personal benefit.  I don’t want attention for helping those who are in unfortunate circumstances”

“Well, I had to reach out as far as my donation drives, to let people know where and when I’m hosting events.  But are you single?”

No ya’ll, that’s not a typo.  That’s exactly how she said it.  I was looking at my computer screen amazed.  No transition or nothing, just blurted the shit out!  I snickered as I typed back.


“Oh, okay”

Now the next section of dialogue was the normal rundown of single SAT questions, which I’m pretty sure that you all know.  However, when I turned the inquiry around, she was hella sketchy, half answering most of my questions.  Even after ten minutes of dialogue, she sidestepped her true occupation, but reinforced that she had money.  

When I suggested plans for a dinner date, she informed me that weekends were normally “not good” and suggested grabbing a meal during work hours.  Cheyenne also stated that she was a vegetarian, which I found very hard to believe.  Maybe I’m wrong, but looking at her shape and size, she was definitely a carnivore.  It also didn’t help that she had a post where she was cooking steak on the grill several days earlier.  When I called her on it, she simply said that she was preparing it for her two daughters.  Now I remember seeing pics of her daughters.  I’m pretty sure that they couldn’t consume six rib eye steaks by themselves!  Instead of digging deeper into the lie, I thanked her for the conversation and went back to work.

Several days passed and I had forgotten about the misled beauty of the week.  It wasn’t until I was getting ready to leave my office that my inbox alerted me of a message.

“Hey there stranger”

My ego was beside itself, brushing it’s shoulders.

“What I tell ya, huh?  What I tell ya?  She want that diiiiiiiiiiiiick!”

I laughed and dismissed the thought from my head, not before I answered her back with a simple hello.  I grabbed my briefcase and phone and headed out of the door.  I had a date at six and didn’t want to get caught up in the 285 traffic.  As I made my way through the glass doors, it felt as if someone was following me.  I looked back and there was no one there.  I continued the trek to my car and I could hear someone calling my name from a distance.

“Roman!  Roman!  We didn’t finish our talk?”

Written by the Wednesday Gentleman

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