“When I saw that look in her eyes, I knew that you had control of her. I knew you were going to find a way to turn her against me too! I should have known better than to give in to my flesh! I thought we had finally gotten beyond my infidelity, but you and your fucking ego! You’re never gonna let me leave, no matter how hard I try!”
I moved ever so slightly to the front of my seat. My eyes were fixed on my opponent as I calculated my response. Morgan finally had the upper hand and she knew it. She found her way back to the chair and grabbed a tissue to wipe her brow. It was necessary for Dr. Hoffman to believe my side of the story. Provoking Morgan was my only recourse.
“So you feel that I’m holding you hostage, Morgan? Is that what we’re going with this evening?”
My partner glared at me with that anger that once brewed at the beginning of the session. A cool smile fell over my face as she let her emotions overwhelm her once again.
“Really? Are you fucking serious right now? You know good and damn well that you don’t want me to leave!”
“Well, this is true. I don’t want you to leave. I want to work this out”
Before the ball and chain could respond, the good doctor intervened.
“Well now! It looks like we’re getting somewhere. Kenneth, you say you love Morgan?”
“Yes I do doc! That’s why I’m here today. I’m here to salvage our marriage, not break it apart”
“But you show Morgan your love by humiliating her? Do you believe that love is taking away any power your significant other may possess?”
I didn’t expect this turn of events! Why in the hell was my counselor siding with Morgan? I mean, Morgan was the adulterer in all of this! The more I surveyed the scene, the more my blood started to boil. I needed to remain cool for the win.
“Ummm, sorry doc. I’m not following you”
“Mr. Bailey, from what I’m gathering thus far, you seem to get a thrill out of shaming Morgan when she cheats on you. The videos that you sent to her lovers were a tad excessive, don’t you agree?”
“No, I don’t. I believe the recordings fit the crime. Besides, those jackleg motherfuckers never contacted her after that. Mission accomplished”
“So how did you feel when the men stopped pursuing your wife?”
“Satisfied. I felt satisfied”
“And why did you feel that sense of satisfaction?”
“Yes, I’m sure Morgan wants to know”
I peeked over and saw that Morgan was no longer glaring in my direction. Instead, she was inspecting me, as if I were a homeless person begging for change. I couldn’t make out if I was winning Dr. Hoffman over at this point. Still, I continued to answer the counselor’s question.
“If you want to know the truth, I was satisfied because I was back on the throne of my wife’s focus. I no longer had to share the spotlight with her work and the other suitors. I no longer had to beg for a meal. Morgan made time to come to my games whether they were at home or away. We were having sex regularly, just like we did before A.J. was born. The woman I married belonged to me once again”
“Hmmmmmm, that’s interesting Mr. Bailey”
“No human being ever belongs to another. Morgan is your wife, not a pet that you can command and claim ownership”
“Doc, you don’t understand. When Morgan got her promotion, our whole family dynamic changed. It was like, it was like . . .”
“It was like what, Kenneth?”
My heart was racing. I could feel the sweat against my skin. Dr. Hoffman was starting to take the deceiver’s side! I thought my therapist would be impartial, but that was not the case. More than likely, she was one of those wacked out feminist who wanted to see men lose! Regardless of the solidarity, I took a breath and went in for the kill.
“It was like Morgan morphed into a man”
“When Morgan got her promotion, it was like she transformed into a man!”
“I got that part Mr. Bailey, but what made you say that?”
“Because it was like I was competing with another man to be the leader of my home! Anytime I made a decision for the house, she questioned it. All of my suggestions had to be fact checked and second guessed as if I were a misled orange disciple! She would literally call one of her male “friends” to verify what I had done or said. And let’s not talk about the finances! She was always quick to say that she made more money than me! When it came to her helping out around the house, she would always brag about how important she was to her company. Besides, I was just a high school pedagogue, I shouldn’t mind picking up the slack! That’s what she always told me!”
I expected my spouse to respond, but she remained the essence of cool, sitting in her chair, legs crossed. Her demeanor made me believe that she knew something I didn’t. I could feel the wetness across the back of my neck as the therapist continued her assessment.
“Mr. Bailey, if I’m hearing you correctly, you are saying that Morgan changed after her promotion, right?”
“And you felt insignificant because of that, right?”
“Doc, do you know how it feels to have the person you love think less of you? Then to have that fact shoved in your face at every turn? Having your manhood questioned so much that you have to check your balls to make sure that they are still there?
“I hear you Mr. Bailey, I truly do. My question now is why do you want to stay if this is how you truly feel?”
“I come from a long line of ministers in my family. My father, who’s an apostle, taught me at an early age that divorce was a sin. No one in my family has ever gotten a divorce. We believe in what the Bible tells us. If you get married, it’s for better or worse. There’s no separation. There’s no walking out. This is why we went to counseling the first go round”
“But it seems that neither one of you have truly healed from that rough patch in your lives”
Morgan finally weighed in on the matter.
“Dr. Hoffman, I really don’t understand his masculine insecurities. If anyone should feel less than, it should be me”
“Why is that, Mrs. Bailey?”
“For starters, Kenneth’s like a god in Minnesota. We can’t go anywhere without someone calling out his name! There’s always someone coming up wanting his autograph or wanting to know how they can get their son to play ball for him. Literally it’s like living with a rockstar! He can probably have any woman he wants here! More than likely, he has, but his dirt hasn’t come out yet. So forgive me if I’m having a hard time trying to understand why my opinion of things is so important to this, this god!”
I sat up and made myself vulnerable for the first time in the session.
“It’s important because you’re my wife, Morgan. Don’t you understand that?”
“It hasn’t meant anything before”
“It means everything! Why the fuck do you think I went along wtih the threesome in the first place?”
“Shit, for the obvious reason! For all I know, you probably knew Callie before I even met her!
“Do you think I’m that cunning? That evil?”
“You tell me, Lesbian Whisperer! She ended up wanting you more than me!”
“That’s not my fault! You brought her into our bed! Not me, you! You were the one that convinced her to ride the dick, not me!”
Again, Dr. Hoffman had to be the referee and call us back to our respective corners.
“Well, it seems that we have made some headway. I applaud that both of you want to work this out, but there is quite a bit of work to do. When you both go home to . . “
“I’m not going back home with him”
I stared at Morgan as if she were ill.
“Mrs. Bailey, what do you mean?”
“It means that I’m not going home with him. I don’t even know if I want to work this out. One of us needs to be a man and get off this toxic ride”
No, no, no! There was no way she was gonna leave me! No way! I had to think of something quick!
“So now you wanna leave? Even though you said that I wouldn’t let you?”
“If I matter to you Kenneth, if I ever mattered to you, would you let me take the time to get my head together? I mean, you could just tell your friends that I’ve gone away on business since I’m never around anyway?”
“So where are you going, Morgan?”
“Away from you, Kenneth. That’s all you need to know”
“What about A.J? You just gonna leave your son?”
“A.J’s not a little boy anymore, Kenneth. Our son is graduating in three weeks. His mind is on girls and that full ride to Northwestern. Not me. Not you. I’ll talk with him in the next day or so. He’s old enough to understand.
I sat there, puzzled. She was taking the power back from me and I didn’t know how to feel. Before the doctor could say another word, Morgan and her leather pants got up and walked out of the room. I sat there helpless. I should have grabbed her and told her that she was forbidden to leave. A real man wouldn’t have allowed this to happen. As the love of my life walked out the door, my whole body went numb. Dr. Hoffman began to console me, but I couldn’t comprehend what she was saying. I was in a fog wrestling against my beliefs and my reality. Morgan found the power to walk out of my life. It would be the last time.
Written by the Wednesday Gentleman