I’m Going For Mine

“That’s what you think, but baby, she ain’t me!  And whether you like it or not, I’m not yielding my ground to her.  I’m the one that loves you baby!  Me, not her!”

I sat there in amazement as she started to rise to her feet.

“Miyah, I can’t believe you just said that!  I thought we were more than this?”

“More than what?”

“I really thought that you were my friend?  I thought you had my back?”

“And what makes you think that I’m not?  Simply because I’m not gonna bend to the other woman? Because I’m better than the other woman?”

“She’s not the other woman, Kamiyah, she’s the only woman.  As a matter of fact, you’ve never been in the race”

“Well damn!  Never been in the race, huh?  I guess that’s why you went limp that night?  I was just another female to fuck!  Another conquest that you and your boys talked about!”

I could see the hurt all over her face.  She snatched up her Coach bag and started to head toward the stairs.  I didn’t want her to leave.  Not like this.

“Wait, Kamiyah!  It wasn’t like that!”

She stopped, her head still focused on the steps.  I put my glass down and left my seat.

“Kamiyah, it was never that way.  For the record, I’ve never told anyone about that night”

“What about Pastor Devin?”

“Well I did tell him, but circumstances were such that . . .”

Before I could complete my sentence, Kamiyah did an about face.

“See?  You told him everything! You told them how fat I was!  How inexperienced I was! That’s why I had to leave you alone, Chance!  I couldn’t be the running gag of Atlanta!”

With each word, she drew closer until we were right in front of each other.  Her face smeared with eyeliner as she tried to wipe away the tears.  

“Hold up!  So  you really thought I would tell all the intimate details to any and everybody?”

“You tell everything about these hoes you screw to me, as if I didn’t have sex with you too!”

“Kamiyah, you never said anything in regards to that night.  I was working trying to get back to that moment, but you never gave me the time of day.  It was like you didn’t want me”

I offered Ms. St. Clair a seat while I went behind the counter to fetch some napkins.  I gave the counterfeit tissue to her so that she could save her face.  I sat back down beside her and prepared to open my heart.  This conversation was long overdue.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you felt that way, Chance?  Why did it take this long?”

“I tried, but you kept pushing me away like I wasn’t on your level. I felt rejected, but I kept trying anyway like my name was Steve Urkel or something”

“I probably did and didn’t.  . .”

I shook my head in defiance.  I didn’t want to hear that made up shit about her being unaware of her actions.  I wanted to hear the truth.  Luckily, she obliged.

“What I meant to say was that I thought that you didn’t want anything to do with me.  Before that night, I had only been with two other men.  Seeing that I only use my vibrators when I’m lying down, one could say I wasn’t the most skilled that night”

“I didn’t know you were a novice! Hell, you talk that Big Willie shit like you give lessons to other women on how to please men!”

“Honestly, I say all of that for the men to take control in the bedroom.  If a man feels like he may not measure up, he will go above and beyond to prove his worth.  He takes control and does the work.  You all love a woman who is confident so I fake it”

“Hmmmm. I’m starting to see the entire picture now”

“So since we’re here, there’s been a question I’ve been dying to ask”

“And what’s that?”

“Why did you lose interest in me that night?  Did my body turn you off? 

“Why do you assume that I lost interest in you?”

“C’mon Chance!  I’ve never, ever had a man get his condom stuck inside of me before!  One of two things is the culprit: either the condom is too big or the man is not interested.  And since you are not small . . .”

“You actually believed I wasn’t interested?”

“Need I remind you that the condom was lodged in my pussy?”

“Miyah, I had been dreaming about getting in between your thighs since the first day I met you!  Believe me, I was plenty interested!”

“So what was it then?”

“The problem was that you turned the night into a standardized test.  You were asking me questions every thirty seconds, which if I can be honest, was irritating.  It was like you didn’t care if I enjoyed it or not”

“I don’t remember all that”

“Babe, you didn’t want to do anything!  No oral stimulation, just straight intercourse.  However, when it came to the sex, you refused to ride a brother!  But oh, you were all about giving me instructions on what I needed to do to please you!”

“That bad, huh?”

“Yeah, then every other minute, you asked if I was about to cum?  As much as I wanted to get into you, I couldn’t.  What I thought was gonna be the best night of my life turned into one of the most uncomfortable ones”

“Damn Chance, I’m sorry.  I guess my insecurities got in the way”

“So has that been the reason you’ve given me the cold shoulder?  You believed I hated your curves?”

“You gotta understand, I’m not used to men wanting me for me.  I’m used to men wanting me so they can say they held my ass up close and personal.  The men I slept with before you didn’t want to cater to me.  I guess over time, that’s what I’ve come to expect.  That along with dating unavailable men”

“Which leads me back to where we are right now”

Kamiyah stared into my eyes and grabbed my hand.

“Trust when I say I know your situation, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.  Although you’re dating Inez, I’m not gonna bow out.  Seeing you tonight only confirmed matters”

“How you feel about me?”

“Chance, part of the reason why I’ve avoided you is, because, I love you”

I slid back in the recliner and allowed myself to soak in the concept.  Kamiyah St. Clair is in love with me?  Huh?

“So why would you avoid someone that you love, ‘Miyah?”

“Because I’m a fucking mess!  I fight all the good things and desire all the bad things.  In truth, I didn’t know you were checking for me.  Your track record told me that you were just looking for bookmarks until you found that one.  I didn’t want to get that voice mail stating that you loved someone and it wasn’t me”

“That’s unfortunate”

“I don’t think so”

“Kamiyah, please”

“Chance, I’m not going to stop pursuing you.  I know that this will cause a problem with me being your publicist.  So as of tonight, I’m resigning and referring you to the AMW Group at no cost to you for the first six months”

“So you are going to quit representing me because you’re in love with me?”

“Yes.  I know where I stand and I know that this would be a conflict if I continue”

“But I’m not going to answer your calls or texts.  You know that right?”

Kamiyah rose from her chair and stooped down in front of me.  Her alluring face was now inches from my own.  I was beginning to enter that space where time and place didn’t matter.  I dove helplessly into her eyes.  There was a sparkle there that I hadn’t seen before.  

“We’ll see, lover.  I can’t give up on us, no matter how long it takes for me to win you back.  I just can’t . . .”

And before she could finish her sentence, our lips became entangled once again, with a fervor that was far greater than our initial greeting.  I smelled paradise as Kamiyah’s tongue rushed down my neck.  Her hands were busy unbuckling my pants.

“Don’t you think this is . . .”

My mistress put her forefinger over my mouth while she pulled my rod from the shadows.

“I’ve been waiting all night for this!”

She fell to her knees and began to make up for the lost time.  Ms. St. Clair was far from inexperienced now as she had her way with me.  Her tongue made me forget about being faithful.  Her lips made me wonder if I chosen the wrong woman?  When she cradled my spheres in her hand, there was nothing else to think about.  I could feel the blood rushing through me as she slurped happily. 

“Oh Kamiyah!  You’re almost there!  You’re almost there!”

I grabbed her hair as she locked in for the home stretch.  She sped up her pace as I held on for dear life!  The world went dark, with no sound, no chorus, and then


My foot slapped the floor repeatedly as my mistress consumed every drop.  I searched for air as I wiped the sweat from my brow.  Just as Kamiyah started to take off her blouse, the phone rang.  Kamiyah adjusted herself and went over to answer.

“Hello?  Oh, okay.  I’ll send him up now”

My lover smiled as she made her way back to me.

“So why are you sending me back up now?”

“Because you girl, Inez, is here”

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