She Done Worked the Root, Part II

“A root?  Really Kamiyah? You’ve been drinking a little too much of that pure white!”

“Laugh all you want, Chance!  I’m dead ass serious!  You ain’t known the gurl but for two blessed months!  She got you buying flowers, making picnic lunches, and you still haven’t tasted the rainbow yet!”

“That may be, Ms. St. Clair, but what’s wrong with a little old fashioned chivalry?  Wasn’t it God’s design for men to court women?  I hear so many of you ladies complain about a brother being genuine in his efforts.  I’m actually stepping outside of myself and hear you go, shitting on my parade”

“Look Christopher Tracy, the last thing I want to do is get in the way of anyone’s happiness.  I’m just making you aware of how us ladies play the game.  Your nose is so wide open you can’t see your blind spots.  It takes a lot to be in a committed relationship, let alone a marriage”

“But you know your boy’s been trying, right?”

“Trying?  Oh my poor, misguided friend!  I hate to tell you this, but knocking down every woman you meet isn’t trying, that’s ho’ing!  And not to say that you’re a bad ho, but a you’re ho nonetheless”

I had to pause for a moment as I attempted to digest home girl’s castor oil.  It definitely wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but she had a point.  Since that heart wrenching October night when I uncovered Keisha’s affair, I threw love away.  For nearly fifteen years, I refused to feel it.  I refused to write about it.  I guess you could say I used every woman I came in contact with to get over the pain.  Being an almost famous, nonchalant, asshole got me the women I dreamed about when I was younger.  The sad thing was, no matter how many sheets I slid in, no one ever gave me that high I had with Keisha. That was until I met Inez.

“I guess you’re right Kamiyah.  I haven’t been much more than community dick, but this year has taught me that man was not meant to be alone”

“Shiiiiiiiittttttt!  I ain’t gonna say all that now!”

“So you’re happy living alone with your peloton and that yappy ass weiner dog?” 

“You better keep Brando’s name out your mouth, ninja!”

“You do know he’s the reason why no man is gonna stay with you, right?  That mutt truly believes he’s your man!”

“Ahh hah!  You can say what you want about Brando, but that doesn’t get you off the hook!  I still wanna to know about this soothsayer”

“Her name is Inez”

“Ohhhhhhhhh Inez!  That’s a different name.  She must be a . . .”

“No, she’s a sista”

“Okay, okay.  That’s one.  So how did the two of you meet?  She probably came through your DM’s complimenting you on how beautiful your voice was, huh?”

For a moment I struggled to relinquish the truth.  I knew how it was going to sound before I even said it.  I anticipated all the questions, all the statements about me being desperate.  But the more I thought about Inez and her worth to my life, I threw the political gesturing out the window.

“Well if you must know, Inez and I met on a dating site”

A loud crash similar to a vase hitting the floor roared through my speakers.

“You wanna say that one more time?  Real slow because I thought I heard that my friend, one of the most eligible bachelors in the game, had to resort to a dating website?”

“You heard correctly”

“But why?  I mean, you were dating Teresa in London, Carlisa in DC, and lets not forget that fine ass Yvette in Dallas!  Man, that’s some good chocolate cake right there!”

“You’re correct, I was. Then a little something called COVID started to shut the world down.  Little by little, my stable started to disappear.  Teresa made up with her husband since travel was restricted.  I thought things were on the upswing with Carlisa, but eh, she didn’t want me”

“Didn’t want you?”

“Well, I shouldn’t say she didn’t want me, just not now.  She preferred that I play the background while she figured shit out.  I didn’t have the time so I kept it pushing”

“Isn’t she the one you discovered still living with her baby daddy?”

“Yep, that’s the one!  Funny thing is that I went to school with her cousin and he gave me the scoop.  She said she kicked dude out and she’s single, but that’s far from the truth”

“Now I know there was nothing wrong with Yvette!  I really liked her!  Chick was making six figures, had her head on straight, and her body?  Damn!”

“Yeah, I caught that when you offered yourself for a threesome to us”

“Now Chance, you know I was hella tipsy that night!  And Yvette doesn’t appear to have issues.  She’s too focused”

“The issue was and still is that Yvette wants a baby”

“Oh, okay.  Isn’t she almost fifty?”

“That she is.  I guess she thought she could convince me to change my mind so we kept going.  Then her sister got pregnant and she started reevaluating life”

“She started to ghost you?”

“Not necessarily, but I knew what was going on.  Our conversations started to dry up.  Our texts became more sporadic.  Our weekly three hour face times no longer existed.  So when that pond dried up, I decided to try my luck online”

“But you’ve done that online shit before right?”

“Not the ones where you have to pay money”

“Shit!!! Not me!  Never that!”

“Well I stepped outside of my ego and somehow, I found Inez”

“She was showing her ass on those pics wasn’t she?”

“No.  As a matter of fact, she was covered up for all of her pics.  She’s pretty wholesome”

“Wholesome?  Does she work for Whole Foods or something?”

“Nah, she has this virtual IT business that caters to several major companies”

“Oh shit!  She’s got that long dough if she’s doing that!”

“Maybe, but that’s not what drew me to her”

“Let me guess, she sings too?”

“Wrong again.  Inez is a Black woman who loves musicals and anime”

“Lawd!  Now I’ve heard it all!  She was intriguing because she likes ‘Hello Dolly’ and Thundercats?”

“Truthfully, yes.  That and the fact that we both graduated from Tennessee State in ‘02”

“Okay, so you like her.  I get that.  What I don’t understand is why you haven’t hit it yet?”

“Didn’t you just say that I was being a ho?  Besides, she believes in taking her time, and I’m cool with that”

“Uh huh”

“No, for real, I am cool with that. Now how long will the wait be is the real question.  We already know it’s going to happen.  The chemistry between us is fucking crazy!   When we finally met face to face, we ended up making out in a Chick fil a parking lot”

“Damn!  Not Chick fil a!  Y’all are just scandalous!”

“That’s right, laugh all you want.  But when I saw her get out the car, she was everything I wanted.  Round hips and thick, beautiful lips”

“And she got Mr. Lover Lover headed to her home, wide open!  I know how she’s gonna play you though”

“How is that?”

“It’s in the single girl’s handbook.  Now if you managed a kiss last time, you might get to pet the kitty this time.  She’ll have you wanting to put it in.  And just when you try to loosen her bra and pull down her pants, she’s gonna say those magic words”

“Which are?”

“Let’s wait awhile, or my personal favorite, I’ve never done this before.  I’m telling you Chance, it’s gonna happen”

“I don’t think she’ll do that”

“Watch and see Mr. Casanova.  She’ll keep you begging for more while she’s devising a way to get into your pockets.  She might pull that line with something being wrong with her car or she accidently paid her mortgage for two months instead of one.  And because she’s got you on the hook, you’ll pay it, not knowing your dick is making the decision”

“I think you’re wrong about this one.  I’m not even about the sex with her”

“Ninja stop lying!  With you men, it’s always about sex!  You still stroke yourself to sleep, don’t ya?”

“That’s not the point, Kamiyah!”

She laughed from a healthy place as I neared my destination.

“I would love to continue this debate on relationships, but I’ve made it to her home”

“I’m sure, Mr. Lover Lover.  Just remember what I told you okay?  Keep one foot in reality while you’re swimming in this fantasy land of yours”

“You’re such a hater, Kamiyah”

“I love you too, Chance”

I eased into the driveway and parked in front of the garage door as I was instructed.  I popped a piece of gum in my mouth and took a deep breath.  I opened the door, grabbing the flowers from their resting place.  As I approached the door, Inez came out dressed in a black and green lumberjack shirt and these tight jeans that made me wanna forget about the park! 

“Oh my!  Are those for me?”

“Yes, they are.  I wanted to surprise you!”

“You’re so thoughtful, Chance!”

She smelled like a cinnabon as she wrapped her arms around my neck.  Before she kissed me she asked

“I don’t know what all you have planned, but do you mind if we stay here tonight?”

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