What We’re Scared to Admit

“This has to be a test!  It has to be!”

It hadn’t been five minutes and my mind was already on replay.  My conscience wouldn’t allow me to believe that tonight was just a sensual celebration.  One of the first lessons Mr. Alexander ever taught me was that things aren’t always what they seem.  He would constantly remind me that I should never trust my eyes because the miracles were accomplished in the misdirection.  Tonight should have been magical.  Parlaying in the fruits of multiple women is every man’s fantasy!  For me however, it was a schizophrenic nightmare!

We stood there, worlds apart, as others gathered and talked about the ‘next’ time.  All of the other couples were canoodling while we continued to do our usual: avoiding one another.  This has been our daily routine for the past seven months. Even though the new income afforded us the liberty to come and go as we pleased, it couldn’t buy us happiness.  The conversations that we used to have on my way home from work were replaced with a function of some sort.  When I got home, either she was in the bed sleeping or out with her girlfriends.   Home cook meals were replaced with Uber eats.  And the sex?  It was few and far between.  The woman that used to fuck me on a whim no longer existed. 

It would be five more minutes of awkward quietness before the car service came.  As the Maybach doors closed, the chauffeur confirmed our destination. Within seconds, Luther’s vocals broke the monotony.  I attempted to get Tiffani’s attention, but she continued her own cold war as she stared out the window.  Two more love songs played and still no words spoken.  Finally, I decided to bite the bullet and speak.

“Is everything alright babe?”

She simply nodded her head and turned her attention back to whatever she was staring at in the darkness.  I couldn’t let what just happened pass without some form of conversation!  

“Sooooo, that was an interesting way to spend a Friday night, huh?”

And just like every discussion I attempted to have with her, she simply answered


Something was wrong and she wasn’t going to tell me.  I knew our participation in the labyrinth of lust couldn’t have been her idea!  The way she refused to acknowledge my presence hinted that there was more.  But what?  What exactly did she and April talk about in the office?  Why was she so giddy and playful in the club and so cold and distant now? 

Tiffani continued to stare out the window.  Finally after Dru Hill climbed their five steps, I tried talking again.

“Tiffani, what’s the matter dear?  You haven’t said a word since we stepped out of the club.  Did I do something wrong?”

After a moment of contemplating, she finally managed to look at me.

“I’m sorry Christian.  I guess I’m still a little overwhelmed.  I can’t believe that we actually did that!”

Now we’re getting somewhere.

“Me too babe.  I didn’t know tonight would turn out like this”

Suddenly, the air became thin as I could feel the heat from her face.

“Mr. David.  You’re going to sit there and tell me that you had no inclination of what this place was before you texted me the address?”

“Tiff, this wasn’t my idea at all!  I’ve been conducting meetings all day with bankers and shareholders.  During our lunch break, Ms. Carrington suggested coming to the club.  She said that she wanted to know if it was a viable business worth keeping”

“A viable business huh?”

“Yes.  Ms. Carrington stated that due to the growth of our other ventures, she didn’t have the time to manage Trapeze.  She said that Mr. Alexander needed to know whether or not we should sell”

“So how did Ms. Carrington get the idea of me running this club?  I know it didn’t come out of the clear blue sky?”

“Well, I may have mentioned how well you were doing managing your shop”

“May have?”

“I confess.  I was bragging on you.  I went on and on about you at the table and that’s when she came up with the idea.  I had no idea that this lucrative venture was a swinger’s club!”

“So you haven’t heard of it before?  Not even in passing?”

“Heard about it?  No!  Mr. Alexander never discussed it.  Like I said, I deal with the banks and the acquisitions”

She scowled at me and leaned back with her arms folded.  

“You see the shit you’ve gotten me in?  How am I gonna be able to teach children’s church smelling like scattered dick?”

“Well babe, we are doing church virtually right now, so . . .”

The death stare I got from her at that moment made me cease any further conversation.  I sat back in my chair as Tiffani shook her head at me.  Then, out of the wild, blue yonder, she asked our chauffeur

“Do you have any smoke?”

I turned my head and asked

“Really Tiff?  You haven’t smoked in years”

“Well tonight has been a first for quite a few things.  Now Mr. Man, do you have some hash I can smoke?”

To my surprise, the driver simply said

“Ma’am, there are some blunts rolled up in the console across from you”

I sat there in shock as my wife, who had sworn she would never touch the erb again, was making herself comfortable in the other seat.  It wasn’t a minute before the sunroof was back, the weed was lit! 

“Damn it’s been too long!  Why did I give this up again?”

I could hear our charioteer chuckling to himself as the tinted partition gave us solitude. I watched Tiffani smoke herself back to the space she existed in the club.  I helped myself to the mini bar and poured myself some Jack.  As I took in my drink, I saw a look in Tiffani’s eyes that I hadn’t seen in years.  

“Christian, be honest.  Did you enjoy yourself tonight?  I mean really?”

I was a little scared to answer, but since we were both getting faded, I didn’t see the harm.

“Baby, it wasn’t the same without you”

“Without me?  I think you were doing just fine Cassanova”

“Nah, you were the one that had the blondie all over you!  That’s the reason why we ended up down there remember?   

“You sure you didn’t call her over?”

“Shit!  Now why would I call over a strange woman to kiss my wife’s breasts? Hell, I was happy just to be sucking on them!”

“I guess I shouldn’t pop that molly.  Shit had me in my feelings!”

“So that’s why you retreated to the room by yourself?”

“Probably.  Christian, I was so hype when I first took it, but then I started getting emotional and shit, feeling dirty and unwanted.  It didn’t seem to bother you though.  You must be immune to the effects or something”

“Must be”

So now I had my answer to her behavior, but there was still more to discover.  However, I wasn’t going to spoil the moment.  Tiffany was back to her fun loving self as “You Remind Me” began to play.  Tiffani started to sway with the beat, waving the blunt in the air while she started to sing along.

“You know that you remind me, of a love that I once knew, yes it’s true, ohhhh”

I couldn’t help but smile as Tiffani was content with me in her presence.  After she finished her encore, the missus’ attention came back to me.

“I need to tell you something”

“What is it?”

“Well, I, I really liked that woman’s lips on me.  Like really liked it”

“Okay, and what’s wrong with that?”

“Um, because I like men!  And when she started going toward my box, I wanted her face all in it!”

“And this is a problem because?”

“Um, because I don’t want to be labeled?  I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being a lesibian, but still?”

“And why should the label be on you dear?  If that’s what you like, then why not explore that?  I wouldn’t love you any less”

“Sounds just like a man”

I moved to the chair beside her as she started to light another.

“Oh you looked plenty happy as that blonde sucked you off while she was being dug out by that young guy”

“Not really”

“What do you mean not really?  I saw you with a fistful of her hair in your hands, moaning”

“Baby, I was simply trying to give you a show.  Remember you told me to go into the other room so that you could watch?  I asked you to come and join, but you said that you preferred to watch”

“How in the hell do you recall everything I told you?”

“Because I do, especially when it comes to you.  Haven’t you noticed?”

“I guess.  But to tell the truth, I only suggested going downstairs to make you happy”

“Say what?”

“Yeah, but that was way too much going on for me.  The woman was nice, but I prefer to watch, or have the people watch me”


“Which reminds me, I don’t remember you getting yours?”

“Nah.  Kinda hard to with these condoms.  Plus, it wasn’t you”

“But you don’t come with me either”

“Tiffani, don’t say that”

“Say what? You know I’m telling the truth.  It’s like I don’t do it for you anymore”

“You do, but”

“But what?  Go ahead.  I’m listening”

“One of the things I loved about you Tiff was your spontaneity.  Since we moved and had the baby, it’s like you only want to have sex in the bedroom when it’s completely dark.  We never have sex during the daytime.  And you’re always wearing bagging clothes”

She took a long drag and exhaled before she responded.

“Christian you’re right.  I have been off my game and haven’t given you the attention that you needed.  I haven’t felt like a brick house in a while and I . . .”

“Tiffani, you’ll always be that girl that took my innocence at the car wash!”

We both broke out in laughter.

“You ain’t gonna never let me live that down, huh?”

“I’m just saying!  I ain’t never had my car waxed like that!  Why do you think I married you?”

“So you married me for my head game?”

“Among other things”

Tiffani fed me a sly look and slowly put out the marijuna cigarette.  I hadn’t seen that look since the car wash.  Before I knew it, her lips were pressed against mine.  The limo was getting hotter by the second.  I could feel Tiff starting to pull my shaft out and working it to full erection.   

“Sit back baby.  There’s something I need to do”

She slowly came out of her dress.  And then, she let down the partition.

Written by the Wednesday Gentleman

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