I smiled to myself, knowing the real reason why she was here. She wouldn’t be at my doorstep at this time of night just to exchange pleasantries. Nah, we could have done that over the phone. She wanted to fuck, and I was willing to oblige. The question was how long would it take to do this word play before it happened?
I couldn’t hide the Chester Cheetah smile that covered my face. It had been over five years since I’ve seen her in the flesh. But there she was, standing in front of me, like it was the very first time.
“Monique, what are you doing out here?”
“Well you said you wanted to have a conversation so I thought, why not?”
“But that was over two weeks ago, lady. You got a Cricket phone or something?”
“I see you still have jokes Dr. Simon?”
“I’m just saying”
“Hamilton, are you gonna give me the third degree or are you gonna let me come in?”
I stood there for a moment as I actually contemplated letting this goddess in. If this would have happened two weeks ago, getting back with Monique would have been a no brainer. But today? For some reason, I felt that letting Monique back in would betray Naomi’s trust. I had already found reasons to dismiss Kelly. But why? Naomi made it abundantly clear that she wasn’t ready for a relationship. She even went so far as to tell me she took a two and a half hour lunch break with a male friend. They damn sure weren’t playing cards! Why can’t I just . . .
“Earth to Hamilton? Are you okay? Did I come at a bad time?”
I shook my head and came back to my senses.
“No Monique. I’m just stunned that you are here. Please come in”
I watched her grace my life once again as she stepped through the door. The short, purple sundress that she wore hugged her curves in every way possible. Her matching heels gave her power as she marched across the hardwood floor.
“I see you’re doing pretty good for yourself Dr. Simon. Very nice digs”
“I’m doing okay. Looks like Wells Fargo is treating you pretty good also?”
“They do alright”
I couldn’t take my eyes off of her exquisite ass. I started to remember how it felt in my hands as she rode me.
“Would you like something to drink? I think I have some of that blue bottle Moscato you like”
“So you still know my favorite drink huh?”
“You remember how we had to save just to buy a bottle? Then it would be gone in ten minutes!”
We shared a laugh as she took a seat at the bar and I grabbed the glasses.
“Those were some good times Hamilton. I think about them often”
I popped the cork and poured the wine into the stemware. I took a sip as I surveyed my uninvited, yet stunning, date.
“I see you’re analyzing me already”
“No I’m not!”
“Hamilton stop! I know you too well! I can see the wheels in your mind turning! You’re processing my movements and attempting to rationalize why I came up here now? Am I right?”
“Well yes and no. The first thing I’m curious about is how in the world did you get my address? That sort of thing is not public knowledge”
“You remember that letter that you wrote to me a year ago?”
“You mean the one where I confessed that I was comparing every woman I dated to you? The one where I apologized for the hell I put you through? The one that you never responded to?”
“Why you gotta be all dramatic?”
“Because I bared my soul to you and got nothing in return dear. I wasn’t asking for much. I just needed to know if there was any hope for us before I moved on”
“Hamilton that’s not fair!”
“What’s not fair Mo? Help me understand”
She finished her wine before looking back my way. She sat the glass to the side and reached for my hand.
“Hamilton, you said that you didn’t want any more children. You said that you wanted to chase your dreams. I thought that I would be just fine being your lover and eventually your queen, but I wasn’t. And then you went and had a vasectomy! All of the arguments, all of the fights we had toward the end, were because everyone else was having kids and you didn’t want one with me”
I wasn’t prepared for Monique to tell me this so early in her visit. I thought it would come later down the line. But I already knew the facts. After I moved out, she ended up having a baby eight months later. Now my math isn’t the best, but I could have sworn it was typically nine months to carry a child right? Which means that she was cheating on me before I left right? But I continued to play it cool. Besides, I needed this.
“Monique, I’m sorry. If I could take it all back, I would. I was selfish. It was unfair for me to ask you to be the step mother to my son and refuse to have a child with you. I just wish you would have told me sooner”
“Baby, it was so hard. That night when you told me that you didn’t see yourself having any more kids, I cried that entire night! You were everything I looked for in a man. You checked all the boxes. All of them except that one”
“Monique I didn’t know”
“I know you didn’t Hamilton. It was my fault for not telling you. I should have been straight with you instead of being cold and distant. I was trying to live a lie because I didn’t want to walk away from you. From us”
I smiled as I kissed her hand softly.
“You know you could have called me instead of driving three hours”
“Hamilton, I didn’t want to tell you how I felt through a text or phone call. I wanted to see you face to face”
“So instead of returning my message, you just decided to say nothing, look me up, and come on down?”
“This is so hard for me to say, but I missed you. I miss us. I knew if I saw you here in person, I couldn’t run away. Too long of a ride just to turn back around!”
“This is true”
“The connection that we had never left me. It’s like I can still feel you. So when I reached out to you that day, I was experiencing the same pain. I turned over and it was like I could see you staring at the ceiling. I was reliving that whole year with you again”
“So why reach out this year? What about the other years that have passed Mo?”
“Honestly, I wasn’t ready to talk to you. You left me and my dream of a family for some married woman who didn’t mean anything to you!”
There was some truth in her words. Some.
“I’m sorry Mo”
“The sad thing is, you haunt every relationship I’ve been in. I compare every guy to you! I can’t get you out of my heart!”
The tears that came from her face were real. Monique was the first woman I actually loved in my adulthood. Penelope was someone that I clung to after another failed relationship. Monique was different. She was nerdy like me. She was the only woman I knew that was fluent in Spanish and Portuguese. And the fact that she played piano made her even more sexy. She was my personal Alicia Keys, when we were together.
I took her hand and led her to the entertainment area.
“Alexa, play New Edition “I’m Still In Love With You”
As the music began to play, our bodies grew closer and closer. I had forgotten what it felt like to be this close, this intimate. I was not one to dance, but I knew Monique loved it.
“No, what would I do without your love?
Baby it’s heaven sent from above.
So you don’t believe what your friends tell you about me”
I joined in at the chorus. I wasn’t a gifted musician like Monique, but I knew the words! We continued to dance until close to the end when she looked into my eyes and said
“I still love you Hamilton”
Written by The Wednesday Gentleman