I’m Still Loving You

“Say what? Hamilton!  Are you crazy?”


I adjusted the volume on my headset as Allen laid into me.


“Niggas in the streets would give their left nut for her! And you’re telling me that she’s not your type?”


“Yes Allen, that’s what I’m telling you.  I know it sounds strange.  I know this.  But your wife’s friend is just not a good match for me”


I could hear the exasperation in his voice as I started to gather my toiletries.


“So what’s wrong with Kelly?  She’s Greek.  She’s got yams for days!  Didn’t you see how many followers she has on Instagram?  No wait wait.  The good doctor is gonna say that she’s boring and self centered?  Or better yet she’s a bitter Betty?  No, I got it!  She’s not stimulating you mentally?  That is what you’re going to say right?”


“Well, it’s true!  Don’t get me wrong.  Baby girl is finer than fine!  But at this point in my life, I don’t have the time nor patience to unpack all of her bags.  She’s not on my level”


“That sounds like some bougie shit my nigga!”


“Allen, I’m not saying she isn’t a nice person.  At her core, Kelly’s a sweet human being.  But she’s wasting that kindness on me”


“But didn’t you smash those cakes on the first date?  I mean, she had to be pretty stimulating that night right?”


“Trust fam.  I didn’t expect that.  She encouraged and instigated the whole thing!”




“Bruh, she called me up and wanted to treat me to dinner”


“In the midst of the Corona?”


“That’s what I said!  But she said ‘No baby. I know you’re working hard being essential and all and I just want to show my gratitude”


“Ah shit!”


“So me being me, I give her my address so that the food can be delivered.  But guess who shows up instead of Door Dash?”


“No she didn’t?”


“Yes she did!  Came to the door dressed in this tiny ass top and some camouflage tights!”


“Bet she said she didn’t have anything else to put on didn’t she?”


“Bruh, I’m standing at the door still trying to be cool even though it’s her.  She gives me some lame excuse as to why she’s dropping off the food. Then she weasels her way inside saying that she brought enough for the both of us!  And she brought wine!”


“Yeah, she had her game together”


“So we eat dinner and everything is cool.  As soon as I put the dishes up, she makes her way to the couch and wants to watch a movie”


“You know what that means playa?”


“Yeah I do.  Wasn’t even five minutes before she started rubbing on me.  And that was the beginning of the end.  Now she texting me all day and night calling me bae and shit!  Even asked me to travel to Miami to meet her family!”


“After just one night?”




“You must have pinned those legs back and ate that cat out huh?”


I didn’t answer, but Allen knew me.  We had been friends for nearly twenty years.  So instead of giving me good counsel, he did what any other brother would do; clown me.


“Uh huh.  You ain’t gotta answer do you?  I told you about giving these women the good dick the first night out!  You should have given her some alright or okay dick.  If you did that, she would have just put you in the rotation with the others.  I swear you love stringing these ladies out and then get mad when they are stalking your ass!”


“Yeah I know . . . I know.  Now I have to figure out a way to let her down easy”


“Nigga!  Let her down easy?  No such thing my dude!”


“Well I make it a thing.  I told her that I had family business to attend to in Georgia”


“Whoa fam!  You told a woman you barely know about Brandon’s condition?”


“No, I simply told her that I have a family emergency and that I would be leaving town tomorrow, which is the truth.  I also told her that I was uncertain when I would be back, which is also true.  And the fact that you will be house sitting for me only makes me more credible”


“Boy you are a slick mother fucker!  Using the issue with your son to ghost a chick?  Is Brandon really sick fam?”


“Yes he is, unfortunately”


“What I still can’t understand is why your ex waited so long to tell you about your son having a nervous breakdown?”


“Yeah man!  According to Penelope, Brandon was discharged from the Navy last summer and waited until now to tell me”


“Wait a minute?  Your son has been out of the military for nearly a year and you’re just now finding out?  That’s heavy man!  I know you’re good with compartmentalizing shit, but man, are you okay?”


“Honestly, I’m not.  I’m angry with Brandon and his mom.  I’ve always been the one to save him, but get no respect.  It’s like I’m only a checkbook to him and Penelope”


“But he’s a man now, Hamilton.  He’s gonna have to handle this one on his own”


“Unfortunately, he’s been trying to handle his disorder with drugs and alcohol.  Penelope said that he was following up at the VA like he should after he was discharged.  Once he got his first disability check, he stopped taking his medication, left his fiance and child, and is running the streets with some chick who is spending all of his money”


Wouldn’t he come to his senses eventually?”


“Nah.  He needs professional help.  I have some connects back home that can help me get him into a facility.  Then the next hurdle will be filing papers to be his representative payee”


“So you don’t trust Penelope with that?”


I paused and took a deep breath.  The trauma from that toxic relationship flooded my mind.  Allen could sense it too, even on the phone.


“Sorry Hamilton.  I forgot that she was your ex for that specific reason”


I started to feel a heaviness come over me.  I needed to change the subject.


“It’s all good.  So you see with everything I have going on right now, I don’t have time for your wife’s soror.  She’s cute, but she’s dumb”


“Niggggaaaaa!!!!!  You didn’t just call her dumb did you?”


“What would you call her?  When I told her I had business to attend back home, it’s like she didn’t even hear me!  All she cared about was the next time we were gonna fuck.  We haven’t even had a meaningful conversation yet!”


“Well Hamilton, meaningful to you is on a whole different level”


“How should I explain this?  We don’t talk about anything outside of the horizontal mambo.  We don’t talk about music or anything stimulating.  And when I brought up politics, she’s completely clueless!  Girl didn’t know Pence was the vice president or that Biden was the Democratic nominee!”




“She attempts to tell me what’s going on in the world like she’s an expert, but she’s not.  She’s talking about how we should stay inside and not go to the gym meanwhile she’s making plans to fly to Jamaica next week!  What the entire hell!”


“Bruh, I didn’t know she was like that!  I’m, so, so sorry!”


“It makes me wonder if she actually graduated?”


“Okay, so you’ve made your point about Kelly.  What’s up with you and that thick legged professor?”


“I really don’t know.  I don’t know why she’s taking up my thoughts, but I can’t shake her.  I understand her issues.  She’s older and has like eighty walls up to keep her from being hurt again”


“So why bother man?  I mean you’ve already said that she isn’t ready?  What’s that Tank song?  I can’t make you love me if you don’t?  That’s what it seems like here”


“Yeah, I guess you could be right.  But honestly, I’m so fucking tired dude.  I’m tired of dealing with women that expect the man to do everything.  I’m tired of dealing with chicks that are looking for the quick come up.  These females making me think that Monique wasn’t that bad after all”


“Oh hell nah fam!  Leaving her was the best thing that you could have done”




“Fam always remember that it’s your choice.  Just like you made the decision to leave Monique, you don’t have to entertain these less than spectacular females.  Entertain the ones that challenge you and make you better”


“Like Shanna right?”


“Brother, if you find a woman close to my baby, then you’ve got a keeper!”


“That’s why you’re talking to me in the middle school parking lot right?  Because she’s good?”


“Hamilton you know me.  I can’t stand to be around anyone for a long period of time.  Hell I love my kids, but I get tired of their asses too!  I never knew that a refrigerator could open and close so damn much!  


I paused as I heard a whirring sound in the background.


“Allen, are you sure you’re just sitting in the parking lot?”


“Yeah, why?”


“I hear buzzing in the background”  


“Oh yeah!  I’m out here flying my drone, spying on the neighbors and shit”


“Flying a drone?”


“Yeah!  This is what I do to relieve stress”


“I thought you had some smoke for that?”


“Shit, can’t blaze around the kids.  They start asking questions like what’s that smell daddy?  That doesn’t smell like a cigarette daddy!  So after dinner, wifey takes the kids and I have an hour and half of me time”


“But drones? Really?”


“Man it’s whatever helps you keep your sanity.  For instance,  one brother comes out here faithfully at 7:45 on the dot just to run the parking lot.  Nigga be dressed like he’s training for a fight!  He doesn’t say shit to anybody.  He just throws on his headphones and runs for a good twenty five, thirty minutes.  Then he walks until he gets tired, hops in his car, and drives off.  Also saw some other dude out here throwing frisbees by himself.  It’s getting real out here.  Brothers trying to escape any way they can!”


“I hear ya”


“Speaking of sanity, are you really unsure when you’ll be back?”


“I’ll call you once I get Brandon situated.  Not gonna be pretty, especially if he’s become dependent on codeine like his mother suspects.  I’ll leave the key in the potted plant by the back door”


“Okay fam.  You have a safe trip.  And don’t go getting into any female trouble back home okay?”


“I’ll try my best”


As soon as I finished the call, the doorbell rang.  I wasn’t expecting any company tonight and I really needed to finish packing.  I took off my headset and made my way to the door.


“Who is it?”


No one answered.  I attempted to look out the peephole, but someone was covering the opening.  I quickly made my way to the study to get my glock and see who was actually at my front door.  I saw a silver Roadster in the driveway with a Georgia tag.  The doorbell rang again.


“Who is it?  I’m not opening the door until you tell me who you are!”


There was still no response.  I looked out the peephole once again and saw that she had removed her finger.  I opened the door to a great surprise.




Written by the Wednesday Gentleman

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