Why Does She Stay?

I’ve never taken rejection well.  There’s something about being dismissed without permission.  If anything, I’m the one that controls the narrative. But this is what happens when I fall for unavailable women.  And even though this fine, thick molasses of a woman was in between my legs, I knew that this time was temporary. She had made her decision and I had to accept it. Things were changing for the worse.  Our quality time was merely sex. Love had been replaced with fear and routine. She used to be able to ignite me with just the tip of her tongue. Now, it was taking forever and an eternity to get me off! I knew the roof of her mouth had to be raw by now!  But baby girl was committed to the task and I admired that.  As she pulled off for what seemed to be the umpteenth time, she looked sadly into my eyes.

 

“You not ready to cum yet?”

 

I saw her pretty browns and wanted to confess everything that was torturing my spirit. In some way, I wanted this to be similar to the scene with Richard Gere and his Brooklyn girlfriend.  I wanted to tell her that I was in love with her. I wanted to tell her that I would stop killing people.  However, that’s what led to James’ incarceration. He was so blinded by his love affair with Chelsea that he didn’t realize I was snatching everything from under him!  So instead of the heart felt confessions, I pulled up a familiar scene on the DVR that would provide the much needed stimuli.

 

“Must you turn that on again?!”

 

I thought the answer was obvious as I became fully erect in her hand.  Although she was somewhat dejected, my willing muse continued her task of getting me to my happy place. The visual aid of a grey haired woman being coaxed into copulation by her son’s friend gave me all the inspiration that was needed.  As the plus size mother eased up and down her neighbor’s shaft, I was finding myself in that precious space that I longed for. I grabbed my mistress by the back of her head as I got closer to my destination.  As the young man kissed on his lover’s breasts, I found myself erupting in Karma’s mouth. The roar that emerged from my belly was past due! Unfortunately, my lady didn’t share in my enthusiasm. She rose from her perch and went to the bathroom to spit out my remains.  After she got herself together, she came back to the couch where I sat, still naked and exposed . . . from the waist down.

 

“Thank you baby! I needed that!”

 

“Eric, we need to talk . . . . . ”

 

She came over and sat on the opposite side of the sofa, fully dressed, as if she was ready to leave our hideaway.  Normally, she would come back in her birthday suit and we would watch the rest of the game. Then have sex again until the Sunday Night game. That was our current agreement since she couldn’t compel herself to leave her wealthy, racist husband.

 

“Talk about what?”

 

“What’s going on with you?  A few months ago, all you needed was the scent of my perfume to get you going.  Now I have to compete with skin flicks?”

 

“Karma, I think you’re exaggerating”

 

“No I’m not Eric!  That’s the fourth time you’ve turned on porn while we were having sex!”

 

“Really?  I don’t think so”

 

“I think so!  As a matter of fact, you actually played a video of us having sex the time before!”

 

“Well does that count as porn darling?  I mean, it was us?  It wasn’t complete strangers!  Besides, I thought you liked seeing yourself on screen?”

 

“Eric, do you know how that makes me feel?  The fact that you have to watch something in order to reach your climax?  It’s like . . . . It’s like I’m just something to do now”

 

I knew what she was doing.  She was picking a fight so that she wouldn’t be obligated to come back.  Our once a week had already dwindled down to once a month. But I went along with the charade. . . .

 

“No, I don’t know Karma.  I honestly thought you enjoyed how sporadic and free our love making was.  I thought that’s what you wanted? I thought that’s what you liked about us?”

 

“At first I didn’t mind it.  But lately, we can’t have sex without it being on.  It’s becoming an all the time thing now and I don’t like that!  I bet you’re even wacking off when I’m not around . . . probably several times a day huh?”

 

I started to laugh, but kept a straight face.  I always found it comical when a married woman attempted to put chains on me!  If she had chosen to stay like I pleaded several months ago, then I wouldn’t need this shit!  What man is gonna refrain from touching himself for weeks on end when sculpted thighs and breasts are all around?  I thought I was doing good with watching porn? At least I wasn’t knocking down every woman that came up to me! Hell, I thought it was better than being a functional alcoholic! But to soothe her over, I did what any man would do . . . . lie . . . .

 

“Okay, if it offends you that much dear.  I’ll stop watching it during sex”

 

“Promise me that you’ll save it all for me”

 

I sat there silently as I turned the television back on to the Falcons’ game.

 

“You can’t even promise that you’ll save your love for me?!”

 

“Karma, you’re asking me to go without anything for three to four weeks!  Is that fair?”

 

“I abstain for you!  I think you can do the same for me!”

 

Abstain my ass!  I started to hit her with the fact that she was still living at home with her husband!  Even though she stated that they were sleeping in different rooms, I knew the truth! Lincoln was still getting that juice box!  She didn’t have to say it, but game recognize game. No positions were off limits before, but now . . . . there were all these “restrictions”.  Restriction number one:  She couldn’t ride me.  Restriction number two:  She couldn’t lay her on her stomach and let me hit it from behind.  Restriction number three:  I couldn’t pull her legs back to her head anymore!  Now a normal man would have stepped away.  And yet, I was still here, trying to understand why I still availed myself to her.  I sat there realizing the ugly truth . . . . I needed Karma to validate my existence. 

I was free to voice my vision without fear in Karma Vaughn’s presence.  She was my Sister Souljah.  I was her Chuck D. I could always share my ideas about uniting Blacks and taking over the city without feeling out of place.  She was the reason that I had taken the movement to the next level, establishing Black owned banks in various cities. I needed that validation that I was doing good.  It was for that reason that I continued to see her, despite that motherfucker . . . .

 

“For you I will Karma.  Promise”

 

“We’ll see Mr. Houston.  But I need to get home before Lincoln so I can start his dinner”

 

“Yeah . . . . . do what you need to do”

 

She made her way over to where I was and hugged me.

 

“I know you don’t like this arrangement, but I promise that it will end soon.  I contacted my lawyer the other day. The divorce should be final by the end of December”

 

I shook my head in agreement even though I didn’t believe her.  At this time, I didn’t trust my heart either. I decided that I would allow my emotions to frolic through the tulips until it was time to dismiss her.  You see, I could deal with rejection . . . . .  as long as I was the one initiating it!

 

As Karma left the hotel room, I immediately called my security.

 

“Oz, I need you to keep an eye on Mrs.Vaughn for me”

 

“Okay boss.  But you know what happened the last time I kept an eye on her?”

 

“Yes I do.  I just want to make sure that she is going home and not somewhere else”

 

“Do you suspect that she’s feeding information inside to Mr. Alexander?”

 

“I’m not sure, but you can never be too careful.  Especially with those who have your heart”

 

“Enough said boss”

 

 

Written by The Wednesday Gentleman

 

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