I strolled into the barber shop last Friday to get my weekly trim. Felix, my faithful friend and barber, stood at the ready as I walked his way. As I got closer to the chair, I could see that something was off. Felix wasn’t trading quips with the other barbers. He wasn’t engaging in any small talk with any of the patrons either. So in an attempt to not have my face cut to pieces, I opted to find out what was going on . . . . .
“Alright now Felix. I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t want you to take it out on my face, alright?”
“Mike whatcha talking about? I’m cool! Can a brother be professional?”
“Be professional? Now which one of you did something to Felix? Who told him he couldn’t be himself?”
A few of the patrons laughed, but Felix remained stoic, which wasn’t his normal vibe. I could sense that there was something that he didn’t want to share with the class. So instead of our normal, boisterous back and forth, I quietly asked him. . . .
“Seriously Felix, are you okay?”
“Nah man. I’m not okay, but I’ll be alright”
“Uh oh. Who is it this time?”
“Maya man. That bitch got me fucked up!”
“Maya? Please don’t tell me you went back to her when I told you to let that wench go? ”
“Yeah, I did Mike . . . . .”
Let me say from the start, I find women like Maya intolerable! To me, Maya is nothing more than a Gucci laced witch! In the three years that Felix has been pursuing this merchant of evil, he has yet to see the inside of her apartment. (red flag 1, 2, & 3) This trifling trickster always has some excuse as to why they can’t hang out there. Some of her classic lies include:
“My mom lives with me and we won’t have any privacy”
“I don’t really have any furniture because I gave it all to my daughter”
“I’m in the bed and I’m not dressed”
“My place is cramp and small. I’m barely there myself!”
My man even told me that the one time that he picked her up from her alleged apartment complex, she was already outside waiting on him! As a matter of fact, she told him to call when he turned onto her street! When they returned from their afternoon getaway, she jumped out the car, pronouncing that she was going to fetch something to eat. However while they were out, Maya “the Sorceress”, wasn’t hungry. After Felix made it back to his place, she texted him, stating that she should have invited him into her home.
Now, out of all the dates they “supposedly” had, Maya’s been a no show for over half of them. Whenever my friend tries to do the rational thing and just cut her off, that seems to be the only time that she wants to give him some “attention” (and even that shit is in a limited supply!) Couple this with the fact that Maya is the doppelganger for Ashanti, and you understand why Felix is stuck on stupid. But regardless to how fine she is, how bomb her sex is, that soothsayer is not worth the trouble!
Okay, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s continue . . .
“Yeah Mike, I went back to her and she stood me up . . . .twice!”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! How the hell did she stand you up twice my dude?”
“She said that she was going to take me out on my birthday two weeks ago right? But when my birthday rolled around, I didn’t hear from her. No happy birthday text. No Facebook birthday greeting. None of that. So around ten that morning, I texted her to confirm what time we were going to meet up? There was no response. I even called her phone and it rung several times before it went to voicemail”
“That’s fucked up man. I hope you dismissed her ass like you should have when she first pulled that mess!”
“Well, I tried to. She sent me a message at midnight saying that she dropped her phone in some water and had to purchase another phone”
I started laughing. The soothsayer was at it again!
“So let me get this straight. She dropped her phone in “water” and had to buy another phone? But she didn’t hit you up until midnight? I thought all the stores in Athens closed at 9 PM?”
“She said she didn’t have any numbers to call me”
“Felix, that’s bullshit! You know that right?”
“Well yeah. I didn’t respond to that message or her message wanting my address to deliver a birthday gift”
“As many times as she has been to your crib? Why didn’t she just drop off the present? She knows where you stay!”
“Yeah, I didn’t respond until she kept hitting me up. Calling and texting me like she was a stalker! I told her that I just wanted to be done with her. She apologized for missing my birthday and said she wanted to make it up to me with dinner and a personal massage”
If you could have seen the look on my face when he told me that bit of information . . . .
“So since you said she stood you up twice, I take it that you didn’t get that personal massage?”
“Nah man! I was waiting on her to come over so I could get my dick wet during my break, but that chick left a brother high and dry!”
I wanted to shake my head, but Felix had the straight razor to my face . . . .
“Felix, why do you keep after her?”
“Mike, do you remember how delicious her ass looks? Bruh!!!!!!!! And the way she rides a nigga? Got damn!”
“Dude, didn’t I tell you she’s probably married? What about that chocolate wonder that comes in to get her eyebrows arched? Didn’t you say she was sweet on you?”
I could hear him sigh as he prepared to shave the other side of my face.
“You mean Mackenzie with the short hair? Eh, she’s aiight. She’s not really my type though. . . . . ”
“Seriously fam. She’s not”
“But didn’t you tell me she has her own spot?”
“Her own money?”
“Works two jobs to take care of her kids without any assistance?”
“Plus she’s easy on the eyes?”
“Soooooooooooooooo what’s the problem?! According to you, Mackenzie treats you better than any other woman you’ve been with! And you’ve been with a few my brother”
“Yeah, she’s independent and all, but Mackenzie can only be my friend”
“Why is that fam?”
“Mike, have you seen her? I mean baby girl got a cute face but girl has no upside”
“Yeah, she doesn’t have an ass or hips. There’s nothing to hold on to during sex. Shit makes me feel like I’m in prison again!”
“Felix have you lost your mind? What she doesn’t have in the back she more than makes up for it in the front!”
“That may work for you, but I can’t get off to no flat ass! Seriously, I have to think of other women just to get mine”
“Well that is a problem I guess . . . . . .”
“It’s a big problem for me. Not that I’m trying to be insensitive or some shit like that. I just like what I like”
“Personally Felix, I think it’s all in your mind fam. You’ve been running around with these fake Instagram models for so long that you forgot what a real woman looks like. Do you know what it feels like to be in a relationship with no drama?”
“I get where you’re going Mike. . . but she doesn’t turn me on sexually. I’d just end up cheating on her with a big booty girl eventually”
“So when do you end the cycle? Do you continue catching fades from these plastic, made up scallywags, or do you get a woman who rides for your team? Mackenzie couldn’t push you to be a better man?”
“Look Mike. If I got with ol’ girl, I would just be settling. I’m not at the age just yet where I’ll just accept anyone!”
“So getting with a woman who appreciates and adores you is settling?”
“It is when you’re not into her like that”
“So instead of accepting Mackenzie, you rather settle for Maya and be stuck on stupid huh?”
“Maya is not settling. That’s what I want”
I shook my head as I dismounted from the chair. On one hand, I understood where Felix was coming from. None of us want to spend eternity with someone that doesn’t excite our soul. Forever is a mighty long time with the wrong person. However, Maya is far from the right person. If Mackenzie is wrong for Felix, what makes Maya so right? Her delicious ass? Really?
Now as much as I try to give good advice, there was nothing else I could say. I wandered quietly to my car questioning my own dating scenarios, wondering if I was settling for someone to be my “right now” since I had grown tired of waiting on Ms. Right to make herself known. So I thought I would pose the question to you guys today. What exactly is “settling”? Is Felix stupid for holding out for Maya? Is he missing out on a good woman in Mackenzie? Or could both choices possibly be wrong?
Written by the Wednesday Gentleman