I have a confession I hate the electric slide. I hate the song, the dance, and Young Thug’s electric eel looking ass. I can’t really tell you why I hate the electric slide all I know is I do, so much in fact that I’ll avoid the dance floor whenever the song is played like R. Kelly avoids dating women his own age (too soon?). Niggas get shot everyday B, moving on.
And that’s not the only song I avoid like a plague: the Cha-Cha slide, the Wobble, and the Cupid Shuffle all get avoided like child support payments; and again for the life of me I can’t tell you why. Maybe it’s the line dancing aspect, I mean that shit reminds me of something you see at a bar in bumfuck Alabama, or perhaps it’s the fact that Cougars smelling like Jean Nate lose they got-damn minds whenever those songs come on. Whatever the reasons why, y’all can miss me with that shit, that’s what she said…
Unfortunately these aren’t the only blatantly black things that I don’t care for and I know I’m not the only one. I’m sure there are some black things that you rather not be associated with like Kevin Durant and brushes; so since I haven’t done a list in a while in shit I thought I’d make one. I present to you a list of “Black Ass Things Breazy Doesn’t Do.” Wrote a song about it, like to hear it, here it go…
1. Eating Watermelon
I know, I know, eating watermelon is as African American as Lustersilk, but I don’t like eating it. Now, I didn’t start off not eating watermelon, as a matter of fact I ate it a lot as a child and to top it off my parents are from Alabama which means eating watermelon, drinking Hennessy and eating sunflower seeds is pretty much ingrained in me. But it’s because I ate so much of it as a child that I can’t stand watermelon today.
2. Drinking Hennessy.
I imagine Hennessy was a gift that was bestowed upon us by the black Greek God Ray-Ray Seidon, or maybe Hennessy is the runoff from Gucci Mane’s bath. Whatever it is, the shit taste like despair and bad choices.
3. Putting Hot Sauce on Errthing.
It’s not that I don’t like hot sauce, well – it’s that I don’t like hot sauce. For the life of me I will never understand why this is such an in demand condiment. I mean people seem to go crazy over this shit and the hotter the better. Who in their right mind would want to put something on their food that’s hotter than Rick Ross’ underboob? I’m not sure how the relationship between African Americans and hot sauces started, but the bond is stronger than Maxine Water’s wigs on a windy day, but I digress. This is a condiment that I can surely do without.
4. Smoking Black ‘n Milds.
This shit right here… Man look, nothing says hood rich more than the Black ‘n Milds. It’s a hood staple like the 1st and 15th. If there was a hood Mount Rushmore, I’m sure Black ‘n Milds would be on it along with a bottle of Hennessy, shoes hanging from power lines, and Dodge Chargers. The funny thing about Black ‘n Milds is that they smell like refried shit, and for the life of me I can’t figure out why people want to smoke something that looks like it was conceived by Lil Wayne.
Man, I hope I don’t get disowned for admitting this shit.
What do you think? What are some “black things” that you don’t like that may get your black card revoked?
Talk to me, I’ll talk back.