God sent me to be her husband???? What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Tiffani’s proclamation continued to play on repeat in my mind as I made my way on to the shuttle. Although I tried to get past it, I couldn’t. This definitely required a one on one conversation and not something that I could just text over the phone. Despite any misgivings that I may have had, Tiffani seemed to be at peace with the whole thing. Who could be calm with drive by sex in an abandoned car wash? For our first time together, it wasn’t exactly what I anticipated. I had thoughts of laying her on the bed, slowly undressing her. Dreams of her calling my name as I lifted her legs and gave her all my patience. Instead, our first time was nothing more than fake taxi porn with Smokie Norful in the background.
As the van made its way into town, I collected my thoughts. I couldn’t let the uncertainty of Tiffani’s behavior cloud my sanity. Not right now. I had an interview that I needed to be on point for. I had to convince the powers that be to give me a chance at keeping their books. This was my last shot to get back to where I was and I couldn’t blow it. As the driver came to my stop, I could feel the butterflies. I could feel the sweat began to form under my armpits. It had been a little more than a year since I been to a jail and I swore I’d never go back. But this is where the job was and I needed it like air. . . . . .
“Are you ready? I’m about two minutes away”
“Yes, I am. I’ll meet you out front”
I made my way outside and stood at the entrance of the covered walkway. I could see her smile before she even turned in. I opened the door to the coolness and loosened my tie.
“So how did the interview go babe?”
“I think it went pretty good. The chief was impressed by how much I knew and was amazed that I wanted to work there”
“So did you tell him about your past?”
“I really didn’t have a choice. I mean, I would be working at a police station where criminal background checks are completed daily. So yeah, I told him . . . . . “
“And???? Don’t leave me in suspense Christian!”
“He stated that I was an honest man and that Bishop had already vouched for me. Said that if my references checked out, I should hear from him no later than Wednesday”
“Awwwwwww!!! That’s great baby! I’m so proud of my man!”
The anxiousness began to set in once again. We hadn’t talked about Sunday but we needed to and lunch seemed to be the perfect time. We had agreed to go to the nearest burger joint but she was going out of the way.
“Ummmm, we’ve past several restaurants Tiffani. Where are we going?”
“I need to pay off my Lane Bryant bill. I’m just gonna stop here at the mall. Do you mind?”
“I guess I don’t. Hell, you’re driving”
She smiled at me as we turned into to the parking lot. I had never been to the mall here before. It was smaller than the one I frequented in Augusta. At any rate, we walked in and headed down the escalator. I noticed two guys checking out Tiffani as we made our descent. As I looked back, they were whispering to each other. Then they looked back at me . . . . . . . grinning.
“Do you know those two guys Tiff?”
“Oh, those two? Um, yeah . . . . . . . . we all went to Clarke Central together”
I brushed it off and continued to keep moving. After she paid her Lane Bryant bill, Tiffani gave me the once-over with that familiar look in her eye.
“Christian, can we go into the Macy’s store? I saw something the other day that I think you would like”
“Sure, as long as we eat afterwards. I have to get back to the mission soon”
“No worries. I’ll get you back”
She beamed as she proceeded to put together several outfits on my behalf! I sat there in amazement as she measured me and asked me to try on pants and jackets. After the third outfit, I had to say something.
“Tiffani, this is a little too much. I thank you for wanting to help me out but I feel a little uneasy about you buying up the department store on my behalf”
“Why are you are uneasy? It’s not like you are going to leave me tomorrow . . . . . are you? Besides, you signed the contract yesterday”
“Contract? What contract?”
“The marriage contract. Don’t act like you don’t remember having your way with me in the car on yesterday!”
“Wait a minute! Back up. Sex with you is a marriage contract?!”
“Yes. If you have sex with me, then we are exclusive. Plus God already showed me that you will be my husband so don’t be troubled. The sex just showed me that we were compatible in the bedroom”
“Compatible? So is yesterday how you imagined our first time would be? Seriously?”
“Well, I was a little freaked out when you came inside of me but the Lord never makes mistakes. He promised me a child too so I’m holding on to the vision. With you getting ready to have a new job and me already working, we can provide everything we need for our baby if we are blessed to have one”
“Wah? Look . . . . Tiff. I wasn’t trying to have sex with you. Hell, you have problems just kissing me so what do I look like trying to have sex with you? You instigated the whole thing by putting me in your mouth! And then when I tried to get you off of me, you wouldn’t let me! Remember when you held down my arms and put all your weight on me?”
“I don’t remember that Christian. All I know is that you were calling my name and telling me that I was yours forever. It didn’t matter whether we were in a car wash or a bedroom”
At that moment, I felt the walls closing in. I wasn’t ready to be a father again! I was unable to breathe as Tiffani began to have the cashier ring up the clothes. Tiffani smiled as she pulled out a roll of money and began to pay. I felt nauseous and made my way to the bathroom. As I held on to the safety railings attempting to get my bearings, I overheard two men as they walked in.
“Man did you see how fat that girl’s ass was? Woooooooweee! That’s a lucky motherfucka with her!”
“Bruh, you don’t remember that girl? That’s Skye! Remember those lap dances at Chelsea’s back in the day?
“Oh yeah, that’s her? Man she looks different with all her clothes on!”
“Girl knew she could throw that cookie too! Didn’t she do a porno with your boys?”
“Yeah man, girl got some serious talent . . . .lawdamercy!”
Dear Father, what have I got myself into?!
Written by Michael Dock, Founder of The Wednesday Gentleman and Author of the Forthcoming Novel “Addicted to Chaos”. Follow me on Instagram @ thewednesdaygentleman.