Your Way Ain’t Working . . . . . . .

“You know what Mike?  Don’t ever get married!  You hear me?  Don’t ever get married!”

Yep, this was the comical comment that came from Steve, an older gym patron, on yesterday.  In so many words, Steve was pissed!  Clearly.  He had just received word from his wife that she had found another woman’s underwear in his briefcase!  From the way he threw down his phone, I would guess that she said she was leaving him . . . . . . which would make this his third divorce!

Now when I go to the gym, I’m not one to have conversations in the locker room, especially with random people.  Hell, I’m hurrying to change clothes and be out within five minutes!  But on this particular day, old man Steve felt compelled to divulge his personal wisdom to all that would listen (meaning me).  Steve, for some damn reason, wanted to be my Dr. Phil and give me advice about women, which I felt was asinine.  I mean really?  Who wants to take advice from a guy who is obviously failing at commitment?  But being the nice guy that I am,  I indulged his need for conversation.  In so many words, I politely told him that his approach to women was wrong.  Way wrong.  What ensued next was a debate on the matter . . . . .

 

  • Steve’s Approach – All Women Are Crazy So You’re F@#ked  
  • My Approach – Find a Crazy to Compliment Your Crazy

Off the bat, Steve began smiling as he saw that I was initially agreeing with his theory.  I informed him that most of the females I have dated have been a little crazy so there’s some truth to it.  However, I wouldn’t say that men are completely screwed.  You see, over the past few months I’ve come to grips with myself.  And in that self revelation, I’ve had to admit a scary truth:

“I’m a little crazy too . . . . . . . .”

Now when I say “crazy”, I mean quirky . . . .eccentric.  For the most part, all talented people have quirks.  Although my inner circle peeps are uber cool, all of them have some peculiar ways about them.  So do I.  I realize that the energy I put off is what I get back.  So should I find it odd to find a woman who is super cool but is obsessive compulsive?  Nah.  As long as it compliments my crazy, everything is copacetic.  So if she feels the need to wash the bed sheets five times a week, I’m good with that.  It’s not hurting me.  She’s keeping the home clean and that’s one less chore for me to do on the weekend.  Now it may drive up my water bill a couple of dollars, but I can live with that.

Now what I can’t live with is the real, certifiable, straight jacket crazy! That I’m slashing your tires and stalking you everywhere just because you didn’t return a text message within ten minutes crazy.  That bust the windows out of your car because you forgot to send a good morning text crazy.  Or my personal favorite, that wake you up in the middle of the night because she’s hearing another woman’s voice and decides to flip your bed over because she believes the other woman is under the bed crazy! (Yeah, that actually happened!) These versions of crazy can’t be worked with no matter how fine she is.  Do you know anyone like that?

 

 

  • Steve’s Approach – Continue to Chase Although You’re Taken
  • My Approach – Find Your Compliment Then Stop Your Search

It’s the damnedest thing!  Why in the hell do we want what we can’t have?  Like most people, Steve stated that he lives to chase women (which is why he’s already been divorced twice).  Even though he may have someone at home, he likes going after that new new.  He likes chasing the new accountant; deciphering her emails and interpreting her thoughts by what she wears.  He likes making his secretary contemplate infidelity when he takes her to expensive bistros and showers her with exorbitant gifts. And yeah, most singles I know like insatiable hunts as well; interpreting texts and subliminal posts to see if the attraction is mutual.  

For me though, it’s one part of my life that I can do without.  Listen.  It took me some time to figure this out but I’ve learned that dating someone that actually expresses a sincere interest in you can be pretty cool too!  What if you dated a person that you didn’t have to guess if they were being sarcastic or serious all the time?  What if you dated a person that didn’t require you to make all the first moves?  What if you both actually made time to talk to each other without guilting someone into it?  What if you dated a person that actually liked calling you by your first name?  Doesn’t that seem normal to you?  Now some of you may like the chase of figuring it out.  Me?  I’m getting a little too old for this. How about we admit to liking each other and let’s find out if we are compatible?  Doesn’t that sound like a better use of time?  Maybe it’s just me . . . . . .

 

  • Dating Should Be Fun

Now this was a point that both Steve and I could agree on.  Even though Steve knows nothing about monogamy, he believes that dating should be fun.  Steve believes that the date should be a time of getting to know the other person.  However, where the two of us disagree is the expectation at the end.  Steve believes that at the end of the date, sex is required which makes it fun.  Needless to say, I don’t subscribe to the mandatory sex at the end of the first date!

A dear friend of mine gave me a valuable piece of advice as it pertained to dating.  She told me to relax.  Like most singles, I tend to take things too serious too early.  It was actually refreshing to learn that if I don’t make dating feel like studying for the GRE, it would be better for me.  After all, I’m getting to learn someone new.  I’m getting to know this person’s likes and dislikes.  I’m learning this person’s history and how it shapes her opinion of the world.  I’m learning her disappointments and achievements.  Relaxing also help me realize that it’s okay to not be cut out for a particular woman instead of changing myself to fit in.  In the end, I know I will find the team that best suits my talents.

 
So after this long spill, I realized that I had lost thirty minutes of my workout time.  Steve thanked me for the conversation but still stated that all women were crazy!  He told me that his approach has gotten him laid more often than not.  For all I know, it may be true. What do you think?  

 

Written by Michael Dock, Founder of The Wednesday Gentleman and Author of the Forthcoming Novel “Addicted to Chaos”

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4 thoughts on “Your Way Ain’t Working . . . . . . .

  1. Smh…..Steve is crazy and that is why he is about to be divorced for the 3rd time. There is no exact science to dating. Your way may not work for the next guy, guys. Also, your way may not be the way that works with each woman. Not to say a man should change his approach. However, if it isn’t working for him…he may want to tweak some things. Not all men and women are intrigued by the same things, so dating can be trial and error. Dating should be fun, but, in that getting to know stage that does require the individuals to have quality time, in person & in that time….they can get to know each other. Like you said…it should not be like studying for the GRE. Steve needs to retire from advice giving. Each man needs to chose to either be who he is and pray that he wins some lady over, one day…..or figure out of there is something he needs to do to step his game up….in order to attract who he feels he deserves.

  2. Steve’s approach is definitely in need of a revamp. That’s one of many things I don’t understand about men, if you’re in to meeting and bedding multiple women then why be in a “relationship”?

    Everyone has their own level of crazy….as you stated find a person that complements your crazy. I don’t do insane crazy…. busting windows and flattening tire and foolishness such as that. I feel that when people are getting to know each other and they see things that they definitely don’t like or don’t want to deal with, instead of trying to over look it and force the relationship just be up front and honest. You would get more respect with honesty upfront than you would get with wasting a person’s time and hurt feelings later on. Everyone doesn’t fit together period!

  3. Steve is the reason women don’t trust men. Just stay single!!! I believe people like that CAN’T be alone. They are obviously miserable/hurting within themselves and the lack of love have for themselves they are searching for it in these other people. It will never be found that way. It’s an unfortunate cycle.

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