So this past Saturday I came to the realization of something; I’m dumb when it comes to noticing when a woman is interested in me! And there is nothing like a room full of guys to help drive that point home! This was the case a few days ago as I entered the barber shop. I hadn’t even sat down before my barber (we’ll call him Felix) started ragging me about the last time I was there. He, along with some other patrons, began clowning me about how oblivious I was to a woman who was hitting on me. Wah? I was standing trying to understand where this story was going as Felix began to tell me how this mystery lady was throwing blatant hints the entire time I was there! From the way she was constantly smiling at me to the manner in which she was trying to reveal more cleavage, Felix talked about how I missed all the signs. Mind you, I was sitting several seats down so I didn’t exactly have a front row seat to the show that she was putting on. I honestly thought she was merely trying to pass the time while her oldest was getting his mohawk cut and colored. Besides, I was recording thoughts for a future article. Felix went on to say that she asked me for my number. Wah? Now, how in the entire hell did I miss that one? Felix reminded me how this MILF had asked me to write down the artist name to a song we were listening to after I had already relayed the information. She wanted me to jot it down on my manuscript and give it to her.
“Dude, she tried to say that shit so sexy! I tried not to laugh at her!”
As I searched my memory, I remembered her asking me to scribble down the artist. I thought the request was a little strange but thought that she wanted to research it later when she was home.
“Dude, she has a smart phone just like you! She played that shit after you left and didn’t even look at the paper!”
Felix conveyed through his continuous laughter that the mature debutante was trying to be discreet in asking me for my number, hoping that I would pick up on the clues. But of course, I had no clue! Yes, we talked for over an hour to each other. Yes, she gave me her full attention. Yes we talked about our kids. I just thought she was being nice. Isn’t that how all the girls in the South are? I continued to plead my case but to no avail.
“No wonder you’re still single Mike. Even when a woman makes a move, you have no clue!”
As the conversation switched to the new Corvette that pulled up, I sat in my chair wondering if I was indeed that clueless! My first thought was how did I miss all the signs? Back in college, I had learned how to respond appropriately when a woman showed attention. Back then if a female was interested, she would find ways to be in your space on a consistent basis. She would smile and compliment every chance she could. After you walked her back home, the young damsel would give you her digits. Not hard at all right? In today’s Matrix, there are all these other factors that one has to process just to believe that a person is flirting instead of just being . . . . well you know . . . . nice.
This is the part of dating I despise right now. The only way that a person knows that you are interested in them today is by bluntly conveying that you want to have sex with them. Honestly. Don’t believe me? Think about the music that is out today. What do you think “gotta eat this booty like groceries” means? Let’s have coffee and discuss ideas? Nah son. Nah. . . . .
For me, I’ve grown naive when it comes to a woman making a pass at me. I blame a lot of this on my job. You see, my regular 9 to 5 is in social services. In the social work universe, men are few and far between. For my company, I’m the only guy in an office of twelve women. ( . . and you think you had it bad!) At work, there is absolutely no fraternizing with any woman as I have children to feed! The last thing I want to do is be brought up to HR regarding inappropriate behavior. I make it a habit to keep the door open when I’m talking to any female staff. I have my desk facing the wall so that I don’t look up to see breasts and ass come by. I shut down compliments quickly from community partners so that I don’t allow my mind to entertain it. Seeing that I spend most of my awake hours at work, it’s no wonder why I didn’t pick up on the signs Saturday before last. Unless you say “Hey Michael, I like you. Wanna go out sometime?”, I’m not going to react. And yes, that’s sad because I’ve conditioned myself to turn down any type of advance. However, once I know you’re interested, it’s another ball game entirely . . . . . .
With this revelation, it got me to thinking about if there is a real art to flirting anymore? To all my single brothers, do you know if a woman is flirting with you? Do you know when she is just being nice? Ladies, how do you show a man that you are interested in him? According to Felix, I need all the help I can get . . . . . .
Written by Michael Dock, Founder of The Wednesday Gentleman and Author of the Forthcoming Novel “Addicted to Chaos”