“It’s Either Me or the Phone!”

For the past two months now, I’ve been trying to get my thoughts together regarding this article.  I’ve stopped, started, stopped, and started again.  I must have written this thing about ten different ways and scratched my ideas halfway through each time!  It’s been a struggle for me to realize my addiction.  Much like the previous relationship that I was in, it’s tough parting ways with something that has brought so much joy to my life.  Attempting to forget all the memories we shared is grueling.  Let’s not even discuss the withdrawal symptoms!  I still find myself begging for that high I had when I first touched her.  So who am I having a hard time leaving?  I’m having to end my intimate relationship with . . . . . . . my phone! (Insert tears here)  Even though we have to work together to take care of the kids, we can no longer be lovers . . . . .  


As I pronounced at the beginning of this year, I don’t want to lose out on another great woman.  One of the things that I have come to realize is that in order for any relationship I’m in to work, I can’t have a side chick . . . . which so happens to be my phone!  Now I can hear you all thinking: How the hell is a blogger/writer supposed to limit himself from social media?  That’s a really good question! I’m still trying to scratch up the funds for a PR person because honestly, my phone is with me at all times.  Whether I’m checking and updating a page, posting quotes and pictures, or just checking out my timeline, I’m on my phone when I’m not working or in the gym.  And that’s sad honestly.  How can any woman who wants to be in my life compete with something that can give me instant affirmation and gratification whenever and wherever I want it?  


In my opinion, a phone can kill a relationship.  Whether you allow it to is the question.  Now you may be shaking your head and waving your shiny wedding band in my face telling me that you and your partner are solid as a rock. You both have your own social media accounts and are each other’s Facebook friends.  That’s lovely.  But what happens when an old boyfriend/girlfriend finds you and starts wanting to relive that time from ‘99?  What happens when unsolicited eggplants show up in your DM and you leave your page up while you go to powder your nose?  What do you do then? Sure you didn’t ask for the pictures but they are there.  Sure you didn’t seek homegirl out but she is trying to get at you for whatever reason. So what do you do?  


I have to admit, the affair that I have with my phone is pretty bad.  It’s gotten to the point where I now have two (for business purposes only . . . wink wink).  So for me, I need to back away from my phone.  In writing this article, I thought about all the times that I would be on the phone checking my status while I’m at work, when I left work, when I got in the door, while I cooked dinner, while I ate dinner with my children, while we watched television . . . . you get the picture.  It was such a nuisance in my home that my son came up with the rule of no electronic devices at the dining room table and during select television shows! It took my daughter and I several days to get right!  (I honestly think he came up with the rule because he broke his tablet . . . . . )


Now prior to my dating hiatus, I was blessed to have some beautiful company (which we will call Erica) in my presence.  Erica works in accounting for my company in the Atlanta office.  Everything about her was sexy!  The way she calculated numbers with ease.  They way she pronounced her consonants with that Boston accent.  The way that she wore her glasses and crossed her beautifully toned legs.  The fact that she was into DC Comic cartoon movies (like me) made me want to know her outside of the workplace.  We began flirting through emails and at the last company training, we were paired up and we flirted all the more.  Erica’s hazel eyes made me want to kiss her right there.  After exchanging phone numbers, we decided to act on our impulses and go out.


We agreed to meet for brunch at J Christopher’s one hazy Saturday morning.  I was excited to know Erica outside of her Excel spreadsheets and email reminders.  When she arrived, she didn’t disappoint.  The way her body hugged her blue jeans and blouse made me forget about my anxiety.  After exchanging hugs and being seated, we exchanged our likes and dislikes as we previewed the menu.  In an effort to show my interest,  I placed my cell phone on silent and placed it at the center of the table.  I asked my beautiful company if she would be inclined to do the same.  To my surprised, Erica refused stating that she would leave her phone in her purse as it was already on silent.  After giving her some awkward looks, I let the matter go.  


Not even ten minutes into the brunch, her Apple watch rings!  I looked at her as she retrieved her phone and began to talk.  “Oh, it’s my daughter”, she chimed back (mind you that her daughter is an adult with her own place and her own job).  After she finished her five minute conversation (which she stayed at the table for) we ordered our food.  As we began talking about our singleness and the food was being delivered, her watch goes off again!  This time, I’ve grown impatient as she tells me that she just has to respond to this feud that has been going on in one of her secret groups.  She takes out her phone and begins to respond . . . .and comment . . . and respond.  By the time she looks up, I have already finished my brunch and I’m engrossed in a college football game on my phone.  

Needless to say, Erica prompted this article today.  As I drove home disgusted, she made me examine the use of my phone.  If you are in a committed relationship, what are some rules and regulations you and your partner have as it pertains to your phones?  Did you come up with house rules like my son?  Are you sharing social media accounts and passwords?  Come now, share, share with the class . . . . . . . . .


2 thoughts on ““It’s Either Me or the Phone!”

  1. I am not in a serious relationship. The last one I was in, he was a cheater. Therefore, his phone was off limits to me. It was, usually, flipped over. He took it everywhere, including the shower. If he left home and mistakingly left his phone, he broke his neck to come back to get it. If I were to ever be in a situation of emergency, he still wouldn’t let me touch his phone. He has used my cell and, actually, used it an entire day since his was broken. He did not have access to any of my social media passwords, because he did not deserve to have them. He did not have any social media accounts, while we were together. I think he was afraid his cheating ways would be exposed, if he got a social media acct. He tried to use reverse psychology on me and say that I was using social media to cheat. *****(Ha, as if I need social media to get a man….negro, please )!*****
    My ideal situation would be that if I were in a committed relationship, we would not entertain our phones while on a date, unless our minor children need us!!!! . If we are spending the night together or if we live together, we should not be on social media after a certain time of night; if the other person is at home. We should have trust so that we don’t have to ask for each other paswords. However, the relationship should be so trusting that we shouldn’t have to close out laptops or hide posts or inboxes. We could be FB friends, but, I don’t want to be questioned about every like or every post, on my page…OR, HE WILL BE DELETED!!!
    Dinner time should be family time and not time to check emails and notifications. The family needs time to disconnect from the world.
    Furthermore, I think people spend so much time on their phones that they are hooked and they miss out on connecting with others. I dated this guy that was in love with his cell, his iPhone watch, his video game and any other gadget he could buy. He was obsessed. I knew I would not be a priority to him.
    Also, I would not appreciate a man who is on his phone on a date and not taking the time to communicate with me. I think that is rude and a good indicator of the foolishness to come.

  2. Love this post..

    I make a decision to never pay my phone much attention when I’m around people I care about. I make that time count. Yes it hard being away from your phone but you can live without it.

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