Happy New Year everyone! Hopefully you’ve finished off all the collard greens and black eyed peas that you made several days ago. As for yours truly, I brought in the new year with chicken egg rolls, some bubbly, and the movie “ChiRaq” (blog about that forthcoming). As I was celebrating in true G fashion, I found myself writing an article entitled “Before You Chase Mr. Right Away”. The article dealt with three ways for single women not to chase their perfect man away. Now if you know me, I couldn’t just leave it there. I had to talk about the fellas right? So here are three tips to help my brothers keep their leading ladies from walking out of their lives . . . . . . .
- Be Present
There really is no easy way to get into this so I’m just going to be blunt. Fellas, we are deplorable when it comes to being available to our lady (we really are). We create circumstances for the next man to come up and attempt to verbally hypnotize our rose because we refuse to go places with her. Now if you are in the military or have employment similar, this does not apply to you. However, if your lethargic ass is always on the couch with the clicker refusing to do anything besides eat and sleep with your woman, I’m talking to you. Why? Because several years ago, I was you. Anytime that my angel wanted to do something that required me dressing up, I would always shoot it down.
Her: Hey babe. Can we get away from here and drive up to Helen, Georgia?
Me: What the hell is in Helen, Georgia? We can save the gas money and buy pizza for dinner.
Her: Hey sweetie. Do you wanna go to the new art studio where you can drink wine while you paint? I heard it’s a lot of fun!
Me: Nah, I rather give you the money for a bill. Besides, we can drink right here!
Her: But I have a free coupon to go?
Me: Nah, I don’t have time for that. I gotta work late tomorrow.
This was my response for everything . . . . and honestly it makes me nauseous to write! I didn’t realize how important it was to go out and savor the day. I had spent most of my adult life surviving that I didn’t know how to enjoy life. When I was courting her, I gave the impression that the dates in different cities and sporadic love songs would continue. As we settled into our roles in the relationship, I became comfortable (dangerous word). It was easy to reject her ideas because she never disagreed. Instead, she would sit at the other end of the couch on her phone texting her male friends about how I refused to be seen with her. I didn’t realize that I was making her feel inadequate. I ceased all of the things that I did to win her heart and I ended up losing her. Now trust me when I say, you can’t go to everything but be present at most things (and this includes church!). It will pay off in the long run.
- Pray for Her
Now I don’t normally go the spiritual route but I simply feel compelled to discuss this matter. Any real man that is in a long term relationship should be praying for the woman in his life. As I dealt with love’s unemployment line last year, I had a lot of time to reflect on things that I did wrong. One of those things was not praying for my beloved. Now before you think I’m a heathen, let me reassure you, I pray. My son and I pray every night before he goes to bed. However, I didn’t war in the spirit for her. When she lost her job, I simply wished her the best and helped with finances until she was able to get on her feet. I never prayed for her purpose. Never prayed that the Lord help keep her sanity during her time of unemployment. As many times as she pleaded with me to beseech the Father together, I would orchestrate a way out of it. I didn’t want any part of it honestly. We were doing just fine. I didn’t want to supplicate to God before I got my groove on. I mean what would my prayer be? “Lord, give me the strength to beat these cookies up?” I only wanted to pray when things got to be too much for the relationship. “Lord, why is she going crazy? Help me deal with this crazy Lord!” (I see you all nodding).
- Excommunicate All Female Friend Imposters
Why does this article feel like open heart surgery with no anesthesia right now? Man! I have to admit, I fell on this sword badly. I’ve always had female friends and never saw it as an issue. It only became an issue when certain female confidants began to envy my happiness. It’s humorous how most females are not attracted to you until you are in a relationship. When you are in a stable, stress-free relationship, that seems to be the time that those friendly imposters start showing their horns. (It’s witchcraft I tell ya!) How does a man navigate this inundation of available cookies? Your homegirl wasn’t considering you several months ago when you were single. Now that you and your angel are going steady? Man! You’re getting topless pictures sent to your smartphone with offers to participate in lewd sex acts you didn’t think was possible outside of your late night porn sites! And even though you may not act on it, your mind begins to entertain it. Your actions begin to change because you are now engrossed in another person that is not your woman. If girlie is a true friend, she will want to befriend your woman as well. If she refuses, let her know that you can’t roll with her. You have too much at stake.
I hope my mistakes help someone today. I’m so thankful for the brothers that have helped me become better. There are some brothers that don’t even know I’m watching them as they give me hope for love again. This blog is dedicated to them. Peace and love.