So how was your Thanksgiving? Me? My intentions were to stay at home, eat some Chinese, and take in all the NFL games solo. As the holiday grew closer, I became nervous of being alone and felt compelled to be around family. Even if it was only for a few hours (as I had to be back at work the next day), it would be more entertaining than my original plans. As much as the journey to Rocky Ford and back would catch up with me, I daydreamed about the upside. I would see aunts and uncles I hadn’t seen in months. I would kick it with my cousins, chatting about our kids and careers. Most of all, there would be oceans of food! Wonderful, glorious food as far as the eye could see! Although the reality didn’t quite meet the expectations of the fantasy, I was content to share the day with my mom, brother, and niece. I even got along with my dad while he was there. It was good to reminisce about previous Thanksgiving gatherings and give thanks for life being as well as it is.
As I approach forty, I continue to realize how important relationships are. During my midnight ride home, I realized that it was the memories of family that I missed the most. As dysfunctional as they may be at times, I found myself comforted by the laughter and food of my family. To think, I was going to allow working on a Friday to keep me at home. But there was a truth I was running away from that was awaiting my return. As I continued to dodge deer on the back roads of Highway 78, I realized that this was the first time that I had spent the Thanksgiving holiday without a female interest in nearly twenty years . . . . . . .
Twenty years? I started recounting all the holidays since college to see if my mind was playing tricks on me to stay awake. But it wasn’t. There wasn’t one time during the turkey festival where I wasn’t involved with someone. Of course there was that time when I was engaged and married. But then there were the other times when I was either steering my way to Macon for some “legal assistance”, celebrating in Conyers for a feast at the Golden Corral, or spending the day with my love interest family. Before this year, I’ve always had a contingency plan when it came to dating. If I felt that a connection was going to fall apart, I would always have a lady on standby. My reasoning? I was a believer that you never leave a relationship without having somewhere else to land. My theory was similar to the practices of Corporate America. You’re taught to never leave a paying job unless you have a better opportunity waiting in the wings or enough savings to last a year. Then it hit me as I pulled up in the driveway: I am a serial monogamist. Well, I was . . . . .
Yeah, let that seep into your spirit a little bit. How many of you are serial monogamist? Truthfully? How many of you know a serial monogamist? My last long term courtship was with a serial monogamist! Prior to this year, I don’t think I’ve been out of a relationship for more than two months! The trippy thing is that I remember those two months vividly! I transferred into the University of Georgia my junior year. Outside of my high school classmates, I didn’t know anyone there so it took a little time before I could get my hooks into a delightful, surprisingly flexible alto who became my girlfriend in the course of a week! And that relationship lasted for nearly two years, ending two weeks after graduation.
With that being said, is it a wonder that serial monogamist find it so difficult to let go of their baggage? They continue to function as they have in previous relationships without learning anything (oh, and it’s always the other person’s fault!). A serial monogamist doesn’t want to feel lonely so he/she will jump on the next train that is mildly interesting. Wouldn’t the world be a brighter place if he/she took that time and sat for a few? Fact of the matter is many singles fear being lonely when they are alone. However, how can one heal if we don’t?
It’s surprising that I’m finally beginning to see who I am in the stillness. The evolution has been difficult but the woman who will be my forever will be eternally grateful for the process. And as I wait on my Wonder Woman, it’s clear why I’m on a dating hiatus now. This journey has been nothing short of interesting. . . . . to say the least. Not to sound preachy, but isn’t it funny how God takes away the thing that you feel you need the most and show you otherwise? Isn’t it funny that He can redirect your pain and use it to propel you to your destiny? Everything has a purpose. Continue to endure the process.