The Tale of the Nonchalant Lover

nonchalant – (of a person or manner) feeling or appearing casually calm and relaxed; not displaying anxiety, interest, or enthusiasm.

There is a rhythm to sex and relationships.  Unfortunately for Peanut and Charlene, their alliance was disjointed from the very beginning.  Like most singles in today’s society, Peanut and Charlene found each other via a dating website.  Peanut was clear that he was ready for a relationship. Charlene stated that she was ready as well but was reluctant to say too much about herself. Somewhat confused but amazed by her “around the way girl” charm, Peanut commenced to wine and dine Charlene.  At the beginning, it seemed as though Charlene was not interested in the whole dating concept.  Whenever Peanut attempted to touch Charlene (i.e. hold hands), she was not receptive.  Whether it was at the amusement park, the gun range, or the comedy show, Charlene seemed somewhat nervous to let her hair down while Peanut wondered if he was dating the right person.

Being somewhat put off, Peanut expressed his concern about Charlene wanting to date. Charlene reassured Peanut that she was enjoying their time together and that he just needed to “be patient” with her.  Charlene made more of an effort to show her affection.  While watching Power one Saturday, Charlene treated Peanut to some first base candy.  Lip biting and petting ensued.  As Charlene gave the signal for Peanut to steal second and third base, he slid his tongue along her nectar with no hesitation.  Her hips began to rise, her legs giving way to subtle tremors to the  bath that her soul was being given.  Before she allowed herself to go too far, she pushed Peanut away stating that it was too early to go this route.

After several weeks of leading Peanut on, Charlene finally gave in to the temptation and allowed him to have his way with her.  Knowing that it had been some years since Charlene had been touched, Peanut was delicate with his love making.  His strokes moved to the tempo of Boney James’ soprano that played in the background.  His kisses surrounded her breasts, then her legs. Peanut began to touch every part of her hidden desire.  As he continued his search, Charlene did something unexpected: nothing!  Charlene laid beneath, gritting her teeth and holding on to her moans, only letting out loud breaths as her essence was caressed.  She attempted to keep her hair in place as Peanut quicken his pace.  As the night went on, Charlene asked for several breaks.  Those breaks normally came when her walls were about to erupt.  As she rested for the third time, Peanut wondered why Charlene did not want to experience her orgasm.  When he questioned, Charlene merely stated that they were simply “feeling each other out” and that she was enjoying the night.  Equating the entire experience to jitters, Peanut attempted to try to please Charlene once more but got much of the same.  She refused to ride her beau or participate as he subdued her from behind.  After another twenty minutes, Peanut faked his orgasm to end the nightmare . . . . .

After this uneventful romp,  Peanut felt compelled to tell his prospective lady just how he felt.  He explained to Charlene that he wanted to please her but that he needed to know her sexual likes and dislikes.  Charlene continued to tow the line, stating that they were still “feeling each other out” and this was part of the process.  Peanut stated that he needed Charlene to be more vocal in expressing her needs and wants.  While saying that she would, Peanut found himself continuing the same cycle: initiating phone calls, planning dates, initiating sex.  After the last sexual encounter, Peanut knew that he couldn’t continue and ended all contact.

black-man-frustrated-with-woman

So ladies what did Charlene do wrong?  Many of you are wondering why Peanut gave Charlene the slow fade right?  Charlene is just allowing the relationship to grow at a slower pace right?  However, there is something wrong with this situation.  Charlene is unable to give Peanut what he wants.  Furthermore, Charlene’s actions give the perception that she really doesn’t care.  It doesn’t matter what she tells Peanut, her actions speak for her . . . and they are confusing.  If you are interested in someone, why do you allow them to initiate all the interaction? If Charlene is uncomfortable, why would she consent to sex several times?

It’s obvious that there is a disconnect here.  While others may believe that Charlene is not interested, I offer another theory.  I believe that Charlene suffers from nonchalantitis. (Is that a word? Oh well . . . ) She suffers from wanting to be in a relationship but is trying to safeguard her feelings in the process.  She refuses to initiate anything because she is afraid of getting too attached.

I know a thing or two about being nonchalant.  I’ve been told by others that this is my demeanor most times.  It’s hard to tell what mood I’m in.  My ex told me during her exit interview that I seemed to not care about our relationship.  Even when she did things that elicited reaction (i.e. wearing thongs with a revealing dress to a church service I wasn’t attending with her . . . and she doesn’t wear thongs),  I would still play it Joe Cool.  All the while, I’m on 10 on the inside!  I was full of rage and anger but I didn’t let on that I thought she was out of line.  I was too busy trying to prove that I wasn’t insecure and that I didn’t fear her bending over backwards for someone else.  I never showed my emotions toward the end of the relationship.  This made my lady feel inadequate and I never knew that. So I understand Peanut’s struggle and unfortunately, I know Charlene’s side of the street as well.  It took someone teaching me how to love again so that I wouldn’t continue to live like Charlene.  

. . . . and hey, go to Facebook and like the fan page “The Wednesday Gentleman”.  I do more than write you know.  Stay tuned . . . . . . .

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