That Other Question

A few days ago, a question was raised that I thought was very interesting.  A young female trainer at the gym (we’ll call her Jill) confided in me and the other fellas around the desk area that she was starting to fall in love with this particular guy (let’s call him Lucky).  Jill gave us a soliloquy about all the attributes that made Lucky stand out from all the other men that she had dated in her twenty-eight year old life.  She worshipped his career drive as Lucky had obtained his doctorates and positioned himself to become vice president of a Fortune 500 company before the age of thirty!  Even though Lucky was perceived as ruthless when it came to conquering other small companies, he would use that same passion to show his affection toward Jill, whether it was texting her in between power meetings or surprising her with extravagant dinners and diamond covered gifts.  Despite all of the upside to Lucky, there was one thing Jill wanted to fix on her Prince Charming (Isn’t it always?).  She talked about how her new beau was a little on the pudgy side and she asked us, her audience, how to get Lucky into the gym.  My immediate response was “But I thought he was perfect?”


After my comment, the young trainer looked at her perplexed audience and could see what we were about to say.  Now in this group, I was the odd man out.  I just happened to be at the desk trying to catch my breath from my tricep pull downs.  The rest of the guys were younger and were in pretty good physical shape (Hell, they were all trainers!) Me being the pudgy one of the group, gave a half hearted smile.  Before I could speak again, she stated that she wanted Lucky around for the long haul.  She said that she could see herself spending forever with him but didn’t want the latter years spent in and out of doctor’s offices and hospitals due to Lucky not taking care of himself.  I nodded in approval because I understood where she was coming from.  Who wants to spend their lives with someone who won’t take care of themselves on the front end and then you are constrained to take care of them on the back end?


Now this subject of asking your mate to lose weight is a touchy one that normally doesn’t get a lot of press.  I mean who wants to inform their significant other that they could stand to lose a few pounds?  Anyone? Society rules tell us that it is downright blasphemous to ask your significant other (especially a woman!) to lose weight.  Society says we should accept everyone for the way that they are.  After all, we all are fearfully and wonderfully made right? To a certain point, I agree with society.  A certain point . . . . .


As I approach forty, good cardio health continues to be one of the issues I address openly.  For me and my current lifestyle, my significant other has to be able to keep up with me.  Although I’m not a socialite, I’m very active in my daily life.  There is a lot that I accomplish in a day and I can’t do it without improving my health.  And since I enjoy sex, I want my lover to be able to keep up with me in the bedroom as well.  Yes, I’m not as young as I used to be but there is still a level of “freak” that needs to be satisfied.  So yes, I ask any person that I’m dating if they are currently going to the gym or doing anything to improve their health.  This question always leads to interesting discourse.

As I’ve made mention in previous post, I’ve pressed the pause button on dating at this current juncture.  One of the reasons why is that the question of physical fitness has led to some rather intense exchanges.  I’ve met females who have said that they attend a gym regularly only to find out that they rarely attend . . . if ever.  Eventually it tells on them  . . . . especially in the bedroom.  One former acquaintance stated that she was upset with me because I wanted a woman who could keep up.  She began to curse me out over the phone stating that I should be man enough to motivate her, take her to the gym, etc. etc.  After she finished her tirade, I told her that if a person doesn’t want to do it for themselves, motivation is pointless.  You can’t force a person to do something they don’t want to do.  A person has to have the desire to want to be better.  I’m a perfect example.


Before I got married, I stayed in pretty decent shape.  During the courting stage, my ex and I were hot and heavy for hours every day.  After the vows and rings were exchanged, I stepped off the gas.  Between work, family emergencies, and the kids, I had very little time for the gym.  After a while I didn’t miss the gym.  We were moving on up in the world, purchasing a new home and being able to purchase another vehicle.  Life was comfortable.  However, my comfortable world changed one night while me and mine were consummating our vows. She uttered those six words that haunt me to this day: “I can’t breathe!  You’re smothering me!” It was probably the lowest I ever felt as a man.  She couldn’t breathe because I had become so lazy that I couldn’t hold myself over her to give her the business.  Instead I was laying on her and was much heavier than the first time we made love.  

Big Poppa Wendell Pierce

Even though my ex-wife didn’t ask me to go to the gym, I found a gym and fixed my work schedule to go during my lunch breaks (which I’m doing now . . . again).  I didn’t want to lose her because I couldn’t last for more than twenty minutes without having a heart attack!  I wanted to remind her that she was my star player.  You know, make her walk funny the next day so she knew who team she was on? The funny thing in all of this was that she thought I was working out to attract other women! Even when I explained to her that my new attitude was because of her, she swore that I was cheating.  But that’s another story . . . . .


I said all of that to say this: take care of yourself.  My advice to Jill was that she invite Lucky to the gym with her to try out the new boxing class the gym was offering as an date outing.  I reminded her that she couldn’t force a Lucky to do what he didn’t want to, but she could inspire him.  If the boxing didn’t work, I told Jill to help her man by wearing him out in the bedroom to the point he loses weight! Win win right?  
So my question to you all today is this:  What guidance would you have given Jill?  Was I right in my assessment?  Inquiring minds wanna know . . . . . . . .


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