“The sweetest woman in the world, can be the meanest woman in the world . . . . if you make her that way” – The Persuaders, “A Thin Line Between Love and Hate”
Who would have guessed The Persuaders were preaching the gospel several decades ago? In the midst of the Missouri protest and Ben Carson’s asinine comments about. . . hell everything, the public was treated to a word of words between Vivica A. Fox and the defending king of clap backs, Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson. Now I normally don’t dip into a person’s private affairs but I was intrigued as to what would make Vivica attack Fiddy’s manhood now? I mean they broke up in 2003! Say what you will but that’s a long ass time to hold a grudge! I mean Fiddy did call and make amends after their initial war of words. He did put her on a video to kick a little money her way. Not too long ago Vivica claimed that Mr. Jackson was indeed a “good man”. So why now Ms. Fox? Why?
As I continued to ponder the situation, the song “A Thin Line Between Love and Hate” came to mind. This song is like scripture for relationships that fall apart. Don’t get me wrong. Love is a wonderful thing. It always has. It always will be. Sho nuff! However, when someone doesn’t requite your love, anger and bitterness come to rest in your soul. This darkness can lead to emotional dysregulation, or as I like to call it, a ni@#a moment. For those that don’t like the N word, just bare with me for a few moments.
- Ni@#a moment – A moment in which ignorance overruns the brain causing an outburst of irrational aggression
I’ve been entertained by quite a bit of foolery since I’ve put my dating life on pause. I’ve had the opportunity to look at things and see just how cray cray some people can become when they fall out of love. And while falling out of love is never easy, there is a certain level of couth you have to exhibit or the po po will be coming to take you away. Busting the windows out your ex’s car while he/she is in it, coming over unannounced and fighting the other male/female there, or refusing to let your former partner see their kids are just some of the examples of the emotional dysregulation that has graced my timeline.
For example, I have an associate (let’s call her Karma) who recently broke up with her man. Before Karma got into her relationship, her homegirls were trying to tell her that her man had a history of being possessive. Instead of taking heed to their warnings, Karma dismissed the warnings, fell in lust with the ding dong, and moved in with him . . . . . where the fun really began! After six months of buddy going through her emails, combing her social media sites daily, and isolating her from all her friends, Karma decided to call it quits. She moved out and moved on. End of story right? Well, let’s just say buddy didn’t take it too well. He began calling her constantly begging for forgiveness. She changed her number. He began inboxing her constantly. She deleted him from her friend’s list. He created a dummy account and began liking all pictures and leaving lewd comments. She deleted the dummy account. He then created another, and another. Karma finally wised up and stopped accepting the fake friend request.
It’s a good thing buddy didn’t know where Karma moved to right? It seemed like buddy’s emotional dysregulation would have led him to being incarcerated. And why? Because he couldn’t handle being let go. How many of us know someone that went off the deep end because their heart was crushed? (Raising hand slowly) As usual, I’ve been on both sides of the coin. In my college days, I was played by a female who not only left me but stuck me with unpaid bills for her cell phone (Remember those block phones before all the family plans? Yeah . . . ). I had co-signed for a cell phone early in our relationship when her parents refused to do so. At the time, I didn’t have a problem with it because she was my arm candy. Every dude at Augusta State wanted her at the time . . . . and I had her. We talked every day and had a friendship that surpassed anything else that I had ever been apart of to that point. So imagine my face when the Alltel bill collectors called me about the balance?
This had to be some mistake right? Right?! So I called her. No answer. I knew what time she got home from work so I waited and called again. I left a voice message. Then another voice message. Then another. With each call, my anger grew as I came to realize that I had been played for the simp. It was a betrayal that I had never experienced before and it hit me . . . . hard! What should have ended as a lesson learned for me transformed into a potential n@#$a moment! I found myself driving to Stone Mountain where she had moved to. Keep in mind, I didn’t have her address. So imagine my stupid ass driving around for hours in Stone Mountain trying to find this woman that had stole my heart and left me with a debt! So what would have happened had I found her? Honestly, I probably would have had one of those Matt Barnes moments. I was in love but emotionally shattered at the same damn time.
Now do I still hold a grudge against my former love? No. I still want my money back but I’m not going to slander her nearly two decades later for it! No matter what anyone says, love doesn’t make us hurt our significant others; self does. It’s when we do things out of self that we hurt others. I’ve grown up considerably since my Stone Mountain experience. I fight as hard as I can for love but once it’s not there, I have to move on. If I’ve really loved someone, my prayer is that they succeed in life . . . . . even if it’s not with me. This takes some time because we want to be the catalyst that make others successful. We hate to believe that someone can do better without us. But it happens. Life happens. Learn to move on in love . . . . . not in hate.