A few months ago, I wrote an article called “The Fight Continues”. It dealt with fighting for love and accepting the rejection if one is not victorious. Not long after the article, Tyrese came out with “Shame”. I have to tell you, this song touched me in ways that were a bit frightening. When the video was released, I remember watching it on the elliptical several times. Was it the fact that Denzel produced it? Was it the story line that was based on a singer and his family? Or maybe it was the fact that I loved Jennifer’s lips a little too much? Regardless, I connected to the video. I connected to the point that I wanted to pronounce to my ex that I too was ashamed of all the things that I had done. Pay attention to the part where I said wanted to. However, good sense arrested me and I left the story of fighting for love to the crooners and Shonda Rhimes.
Since that article of optimism, I’ve come to realize something: begging doesn’t work. Yep, that golden age of Lenny Williams and Keith Sweat are over. That time of talking in the song about how you cried yourself to sleep and watching television until the television went off is a distant memory. Gone are the songs of wanting a lover to come back, not being able to breathe again without that special someone, and going down because your heart is not around. Today’s microwave, “give me the draws before we say hello” dating world doesn’t believe in mistakes or second chances. In this perfected sphere, you are only allowed to use pens. Forget your pencils with those fancy, smancy erasers!
While begging may have worked for Lenny and Keith back in the day, it hasn’t gone so well for today’s soul artist. We all know the story of Robin Thicke. Tank is still chasing his girl who had a threesome (without him) down the street saying “It’s not you, it’s my own insecurities”. The jury is still out on Tyrese as he continues to hold out for his ex. As for me, I haven’t been successful either. I’ve put my heart out there asking for another chance and I’ve struck out each time. Spending ends that I didn’t have and compromising my beliefs to get her back has not worked for me. I’ve walked away feeling more heart-stricken than when I was initially dismissed. But hey, at least I tried right? Yeah . . . . right . . . . .
Have you entered back into a relationship with your ex once he/she begged for forgiveness? I’ve been asking that question in several online groups for the past two days. For those brave souls that answered, over half stated that they would never take an ex back under any circumstance. They cited that there was a reason for the relationship ending with the ex so there was no need to explore that realm again. The other half stated that they allowed someone to come back but they would never do it again. One guy even stated that he was disappointed in himself, equating the experience to watching a horror movie over and over and anticipating a different ending. One lady even quoted Rick Ross by saying “God forgives, I don’t”. Sigh . . . . . .
So why doesn’t begging work anymore? I mean the notion seems kinda cool when Tyrese is holding a half lit cigarette in one hand and a Super 55 in the other as he belts those K-Ci-esque high notes towards the end of the song right? While this whole performance is both visually and audibly entertaining, begging normally doesn’t look like this. Normally there’s a great deal of anxiety because your heart is already broken in two, almost to the point of your entire body shaking. . . . literally. Being rejected again will only smash what little self esteem you have left. You can’t go through life second guessing yourself. But what if you sell out and your request is not granted? Remember when I wrote about that scene on a Different World where Dwayne Wayne bum rushed Whitley and Daddy Pope’s wedding? What if Whitley told Dwayne that she couldn’t go back with him? Where would that have left Dwayne?
So what’s hard with forgiving someone else? I mean really? As I’ve stated before, we all have our deal breakers. But when do we look at ourselves and realize that our baggage is going to cause issues? I know mine do! I tend to analyze things entirely too much (I see you nodding your heads). For example, I may take something minor and make it major. Why? Because it may smell like something familiar from my past and I’m gonna cut it off before it even begins. For example, that may have been a trainer helping you in the gym yesterday but in my eyes, that was another man you have on the side and I’m gonna cut you off so that you don’t hurt me like my ex did. Even though you state your case, I tell you this can’t work. It’s only until I see the trainer with another woman with his Omni shirt on that I believe your story. By then, it’s too late. I can’t apologize because I’ve made an ass of myself accusing you. Heaven forbid I text you and you screenshot our conversation and post it online. So instead of fighting for something worthwhile, I let it go. Does that sound familiar to you?
Most singles have relationship PTSD from previous situations that have left them bloodied and hobbled in the dating arena. It’s taken you x amount of years to recover, or so you believe. We tend to stay away from the hurt and pray that we’ve been delivered but we don’t know if we are until faced with that situation again. As I’ve stated before, relationships are tough and dealing with imperfections are all the more difficult. The older you get, the more baggage you accumulate. It’s gonna take some patience and understanding to find that right one. Sometimes it takes a second chance to get it right. How many opportunities are you given to atone for your sins? Oh I forgot, only God forgives and begging . . . . it doesn’t work.