The Settling Epidemic

“Do I continue living by myself, milking the single life ‘til my last breath? I know I found someone to fulfil my needs, why do I need to question how it should be?” – Mint Condition – “Why Do We Try”

“I’m trying to get right with the Lord”, “I’m waiting for Idris to leave his baby momma”, “I need a man 6’1” or better”, and “She gotta have that thyow!” are just some of the innumerable excuses I hear from people (and by people I mean women here) who proclaim that they want a relationship but are still waiting.  Now let me start by pronouncing that if you are not ready to step into the arena of dating, by all means, stay out of the coliseum.  Second, I take no issue with those who are sincerely waiting patiently on God’s promise (which many can’t tell the difference from their our own desires but anyway . . . . )  However if you are a gladiator and you profess that you are armed to take on the obstacles of dating, don’t duck and hide when the challenge comes.  If you scared, say you scared!

There is an epidemic running rampant amongst singles called the fear of settling.  I’ve heard the word settling on average three times a day since 2015 started.  Trust me, I understand the anxiety.  My heart is beyond exhausted as well.  However, this terror is killing the dating world.  This fear is also seeping into the married couples forcing their union to dissolve because now they believe a spouse does not meet the expectations they view on television.  While the divorce rate climbs, so does the amount of single people.  Once divorced, most stay single now instead of marrying again.  So everyone has their agenda but they are unable to carry it out because they have no team.  And trying to fight this war without your balance will leave you for dead on the battlefield.

So you don’t want to make another mistake but how will you know unless you try something new?   It’s only so many times the “I don’t want to settle” justification is going to work for you.  I understand major deal breakers but nit picky things like perfect skin, perfect abs, and a juicy ass are the very items that have most singles alone and lonely.  Ladies what do you do if you meet a guy who is the perfect compliment to you but buddy is 5’6”?  Fellas what do you do if you meet a lady who is the perfect compliment to you and she doesn’t have an ass?  (Like fix a flat flat?) Do you pass up on that person because of an imperfection or do you join up for success?

Now I don’t normally get down with Tony Gaskins, but I can co-sign on what he had to say regarding standards and preferences.  Instead of concentrating on the standards, we are too busy focusing on our preferences.  This year, I have changed my thought process.  I would love to have a 5’5”, brown skinned, thick thighed, heavenly blessed goddess on my side.  No doubt.  But just like Tony said, my compliment may not have that Cherokee ass that I dream about nightly.  She may not be blessed in the bosom.  I’ve even come to realize that she might not be any shade of brown.  As long as she is able to keep me mentally stimulated, able to compromise, and physically able to keep up with me, I’m winning.

So who wants to die single?  Anyone? The thing about declaring that you’re not settling is that . . . . . . you actually are. After a while, most people stop associating with you because your expectations are unrealistic.  That’s true in any case.  For instance, there are at least three females in each Facebook group that I am in that have unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating.  They spew their venom about how they turned down a guy who merely introduced himself to them stating that he wasn’t tall enough or didn’t make enough money.  In the beginning, group members would offer advice.  After months of the same venom, people stopped buying what they were selling.  No one comments anymore.  No one even takes the time to give them affirmation by liking their statuses.  

So what prompted this?  Glad you asked! I see so many singles in the small town that I live in who just refuse to talk to men/women that are right for them that are right in front of them!  It baffles me to no end!  And it affects the community more than anything.  Single parents have to work harder to make ends meet so there is less involvement in the community as a whole.  School programs are dying because parents are not at meetings.  Kids are not involved in sports or extracurricular activities because parents are too busy from working two jobs plus overtime to take them.  Yes, I’m pro family.  Isn’t that what the fight is for?  We have our agendas but we’re losing the war.   At some point, we as singles have to stop being remedial, accept responsibility, and move forward. We need to get tired of fighting the same old fight.  There needs to be a new fight that we gear up for.  Personally, I’m ready for a new fight.  How about you?  If yes, then what the hell are you waiting on?

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