You’re Not Bougie, Just Boring . . . .

“Bad girls ain’t no good, and good girls ain’t no fun.  Hood girls want a smart ni$$a, good girls all want a thug . . . . . ” – Wale, “Bad”

Several months ago, a young lady asked me out for drinks and conversation.  She saw my online profile and wanted to see if I was . . . . “real”.  So of course, I obliged.  Towards the end of the date, she confided that I was not how I appeared to be online.  Baffled by her statement, I asked her to clarify her answer.  “Honestly, I thought you were one of those uppity, bougie, fraternity negroes”.  I laughed because believe it or not, it wasn’t the first time that I had heard the assumption. “So you thought I was gonna be stuck up and boring huh?”  She smiled and nodded in agreement as she finished her wine.  It was comical to me.  However, as I began to learn more about her, I discovered that she was in fact the bougie, boring one.  

Whenever I inquired about future rendezvous, she only wanted to meet for dinner at rather pricey restaurants.  She refused to bowl because she would break a nail.  She didn’t want to go to the gym with me because she didn’t want to unsettle her hair.  So it shouldn’t have been a surprise that when she finally gave up the cookies (which I had paid for honestly), it was uneventful as well.  After five minutes, I wished I had never met her . . . . at all.  Yeah, she was beautiful.  No doubt.  However, she was a bore in bed and not one to engage in the activities.   The queen wanted to be entertained by having me, the court jester, do all the work.  She wouldn’t even hold up her legs as she was too busy trying to keep her hair in place!  She wouldn’t even throw her hips back!  And to think I was the bougie one . . . . . . . . .

We all want to be entertained.  It is our appetite for pleasure that drives what we see on television and elsewhere.  Twenty years ago, there was more of a balance between shows that enlightened as well as engrossed.  The news would be. . .well . . . the news; reporting truths instead of opinions of political gangs.  Shows like “A Different World”, “Family Matters”, and “Full House” drew families around the television to entertain as well as teach valuable life lessons.  Now? We covet shows like “Basketball Wives” and “Bad Girls Club” that glamorize materialism, recklessness, stupidity . . . you get the point.  And this new wave of visual diversion is not only seen on the plasma.  Light shows, smoke filled stages, and the latest hip hop dances have now become the staple in our churches. Cell phones and tablets are even apart of the Sunday service.  So now if the minister is long winded, one can merely go on social media or play a game to get through the sermon instead of fighting sleep.

So is there any wonder that we look for entertainment in our relationships?  Now let’s be transparent for a minute.  None of us want to be in monotonous, uneventful relationship.  I know I don’t.  However, this deathmatch called dating has many singles becoming more sophisticated but unstimulating.  And that . . . . . is discouraging.  It seems that more and more people are trying to safeguard their feelings and I understand that.  However, in trying to insulate your heart, you tend to limit your conversation.  It’s only so many times that you can talk about current events.  If your conversation is limited, no one gets to know who you really are.  Whenever I attempt to get to know someone, I’m mentally painting a portrait.  With each conversation, I’m looking to add substance to the picture.  I know that you weren’t born yesterday and that there are life events that have shaped you into becoming who you are.  That is what I want to hear.  Save the idle chatter for someone who just wants to get in your pants.

There is balance to conversation and dating.  While it is imperative to be interesting, it is just as important to be cultured.  No one wants an encyclopedia recited to them at dinner and no one wants the drama of a non medicated schizophrenic at the table either!  Be able to tell your experiences in the flow of the conversation.  Being boring is a quick way to end up on the sideline.

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