The Single Parent Conundrum

A funny thing happened to me last week.  I received a text from the Starbucks honey that did the slow fade on me after our initial meeting.  You remember, the one that I actually kept it “one-hundred” with in the “Why Am I Still Single” piece?  Yeah, her.  Well she (we’ll call her Matrimony) wrote me to say that she read the blog and saw our dialogue.  Matrimony stated that the piece made her realize that she owed me an explanation for her absence.  After she met yours truly, she somehow fell into a weird space emotionally.  Matrimony couldn’t understand why she wasn’t feeling your boy.  She said that I had all the attributes that she was looking for.  But, for some reason, she was not excited about getting to know me further. (Ouch) Several days after our coffee meeting, she received clarity and realized that she simply wasn’t ready to date.  Her life was consumed with everything else and she honestly didn’t have the time to date.  

Now initially I thought this narrative was a load of sugar honey ice tea.  I mean really.  I wasn’t hurt about the experience as I had chalked things up as to not having enough money to keep her interest.  After all, she was running a business full time, working for the government full time, and was a single mother.  So before I pressed send on the “no worries” reply, I paused for a moment.  I thought about my own current situation.  I work a full time job. I write articles for three sites now.  I’m trying to prepare my latest novel for consumption next year.  And the most important thing is that I am a full time parent.  Even though I co-parent with my ex-wife, it’s still hard as hell to date!

It’s tough to date anyone with kids.  Word is bond.  I mean there is sooooooo much to deal with.  First there is finding the time to date.  Good luck with that right?  Then there is the issue of finding a babysitter which is hard as hell if you don’t live close to family which I don’t.  Third, is dealing with the maturity level of the baby momma/baby daddy if they are involved in the child’s life.  Then there is dating someone that your child will tolerate and respect.  Finally, there is that lingering fear of severing the attachment with the child if the relationship goes sideways.  Discouraged yet?

So where is the upside to dating a single parent?  Where? There are quite a few obstacles to overcome just to schedule a first date!  If you have the patience to navigate the labyrinth, dating a single parent could possibly be everything that you are looking for.  Yes, really!  Most single parents do not have the time to piddle around with individuals that are not worth the price of admission.  Since face to face time is at a premium at the beginning, most single parents I know will communicate daily whether by text, Skype, or direct call.  For me, since I can’t wake up with the lady I’m interested in,  I tend to send a good morning text.  I want her to know that she is on my mind first thing in the morning when I get out of the bed. So by the time we meet, she will know a great deal about me.  Plus there are these blogs I write every week telling all my business . . . . . .

I only have forty eight hours to be kid free (and with football season, the time is shorter than that!).  After a long week of fighting with the higher ups, staff, subcontractors, bill collectors, and my son, I’m mentally spent.  If I can be honest, the first thing I want to do when my son leaves is get wasted in the comfort of my home in my boxer drawers!  I really don’t want to drive an hour or so to play guessing games and spend money on someone I’m not invested in.  So yeah, if I’m making time for you it means that you are valuable.  I’m not going to play games with you because I don’t have the time to waste.  
So in short, single parent dating is not as bad as everyone claims it is.  We don’t have time to waste although you have to be patient.  And you know what they say about patience . . . . good things come to those who wait . . . . .

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