Most times we anticipate our first dates ending like this . . . . . . . . . . .
But most of the time, they end up like this . . . . . . . . . . . .
So this weekend, I had the honor of reading another blogger’s article in regards to her first date with a rather obnoxious dude who didn’t want her time. Like many of us, she endured the crass and ass backwardness of this individual because he was “cute”. Her Saturday night predicament got me to thinking about all the horrible first dates that I’ve been on that have made me a little wiser in this game called dating. Of course I felt lead to share with the rest of the class so here are a couple of my do’s and don’ts for a first date:
Do: Be on Time. Don’t: Be Late for No Reason
This tidbit goes without saying as many of us would say that this statement is a no brainer. Not exactly. As an anal time watcher, this is a pet peeve of mine. I tend to go out of my way to make sure that I am on time to meet a new face in person for the first time. If unexpected traffic arises, I will call and let her know that I’m running late. That’s considerate right? What’s not considerate? Not leaving the house until it’s time for the date. Yep. I actually experienced this a while back when I was dating online . . the second time. I agreed to meet this honey dip at a coffee house ten minutes from her home although it was a forty minute ride for me. I was pushed for time but made sure that I was looking my dressed down best and made my way to the spot with time to spare. 6:50 p.m. While I’m sipping my iced coffee and looking for topics to research, I get a text from my date saying that she was running late and that she would be there shortly. 7:10 p.m. So I begin writing my article occasionally looking out the window of the cafe to see if she was coming. 7:30 p.m. I get another text that states that she is “really on her way”. Being the true G that I am, I played it off and stated that it was cool as I was into my article. 7:42 p.m. She arrives in her black sleep shirt and some tights. She then proceeds to tell me that she didn’t leave her house until 7:10 p.m. as she didn’t really feel like leaving the couch. And it showed by the attire that she had on. As she sits down to make amends, she states that she has been home since 4:30 p.m. She had time to shower and look a little more presentable than she did but chose not to. I got off of work at 6 p.m and was there ten minutes before our agreed time! Did I mention she lived ten minutes from the cafe? Yeah . . . . . . .
Do: Put Your Cellphone Away or To the Side Don’t: Opposite of Do
One thing that I absolutely HATE is when a person is into their cell phone more than the date. Look I get it. At my age, there are kids that may call because they wrecked the car or aging parents that may need your assistance. Outside of these occurrences, your date should be your only focus. Not Facebook. Not Twitter. Not Instagram. And for heaven’s sake not Candy Crush!
One example of this was when I helped out a friend in South Carolina. My ace was trying to close the deal on this woman he had been seeing for several weeks. However, his date for the evening had a sorority sister that came into town unexpectedly (uh huh. . . . ) and he needed me to keep the soror occupied while he made moves. I really wasn’t feeling the whole blind date thing but I couldn’t let my man down right? So I go along with the plan and get GQ nice. When the door opened, I put on my best face in spite of how my date looked. “Maybe she is funny” I thought to myself as I got in the back of the Expedition. From the moment we drove off, this chick was glued to her cell phone! At first I tried to play it off by making conversation with my boy and his date while we rode (what seemed a lifetime) to our destination. But as one call progressed to several text messages, I had to call her out. When questioned, she said she was conversing with her mother. Then it was her cousin. Then it was her friend. I finally asked her if I was indeed that ugly to be on the phone that much! She laughed but I was dead serious. She said no and remarked that I was nice looking but continued on with the text messages. I stopped talking for the remainder of the ride because I wasn’t going to compete with her phone. And I never do. What made me more salty is that I had to end up paying for dinner and drinks for a chick who didn’t bother to acknowledge me! She didn’t have the decency to be sociable to someone who paid her f&%king tab! If I wasn’t riding with my boy that night, I would have left her ass on the phone in the restaurant . . . . . .
Do: Engage in Conversation. Don’t: Just Sit There
Look, I don’t care how cute you are. I don’t care how fat your ass is. If you can’t string together several sentences that echo a thought, I can’t with you. I just can’t. (See the sorority chick from the previous paragraph). Mental stimulation is above all else with me. Don’t get me wrong, a cute face and a curvaceous body have their place. However, if I’m leading the conversation because you don’t have anything to say, I become nervous. It’s no secret that females love to talk so I automatically start to think why are you not talking? Most times I find out that females don’t want to say the wrong thing because they look at the date as an interview. They are trying to impress with how they look. Now contrary to belief, guys do like to hear what is on a female’s mind, just not for hours at a time . . . . . .
Do: Relax! Don’t: Pretend This Is An Interview to Be a Wife
I understand. You’re pushing forty. You want kids but haven’t met Boaz yet. And while browsing on BlackPeopleMeet.com, you come across a guy who makes six figures and wants to have kids. Not to mention that he is six feet tall and is easy on the eyes. You gotta sell yourself because you know there are at least fifty other women that want your opportunity. You can’t blow this date. You can’t let another Christmas go by with your mother asking you when are you finally gonna get married and have some children of your own . . . . in front of all your relatives and their spouses. You don’t want to appear thirsty but there are only so many times you can go to Cheddar’s by yourself!
I hear you ladies but understand that any desperation will come off during the date. Just relax and enjoy the time. The first date is designed to get to know the other person. To build rapport. To see if the two of you are on the same wavelength as it relates to life. It’s not an interview so don’t treat it like one. Being single does not mean you are unemployed having to take the first job offered to you. You have to choose the best person that compliments you. Just allow casual conversation to flow and at the end of the night if the mental stimulation is right, schedule another date.
Of course I have other tales of woe as it relates to dating but this week I wanna hear from you. What are some of your do’s and don’ts for first dates?
Remember, reach one teach one. Real love awaits . . . . . . .
Shout out to HotMessLife for the inspiration