So this week I had purposed to discuss the art of listening and how important it is in our relationships. It had been on my mind for several weeks and I was proud that I finally got my mind to slow down to articulate my thoughts and ideas in a clear and concise fashion. I had my written and visual illustrations well-organized. My article was completed days before it was due to post. And then it happened. . . . . . I let a “friend” read it. I wanted her input but I also wanted to impress her with my intellect. What she said after I read the article aloud . . . . . . kinda pissed me off! She told me flatly, “This is not entertaining”. I looked at her in disbelief. I presented the video again thinking that she missed the correlation between the visual and written text. She looked at the video again. While I laughed at the video, she remained unmoved and disinterested.
When I asked if she gathered the connection, she stated that she did but was bored after the first paragraph. She then said that the presentation was “corny” and that the article sounded like “a textbook she used to teach sensitivity training” at her former employ. So of course my initial facial impression was like “you don’t get it because you’re not on my level”. I was a little closed off thereafter. After a moment of clarity, I picked up the tablet and read it again. Damn, she was right. (Don’t you hate that?) And so like all those before her that questioned my awesomeness, I kicked her out . . . . not really . . . but in my mind . . . . .
It’s funny how we ask people to tell us the truth no matter what but we seldom want to hear it. Some of us have become comfortable in the untruth about ourselves that the lie has become fact and no one can tell us otherwise. We are incapable of being wrong. (You too?) We never want to be in error but will tell everyone else what they should do. Ummmmhmmmmm. So imagine all of this going on in a relationship? Ladies, how many times have you withheld the truth from your man in order for him to take you to that new restaurant or buy you that new Michael Kors bag? Fellas, how many times have you held your tongue so that you could have horizontal relations with baby girl? All the while, the problem is never corrected and it normally ends up coming out at the most inconvenient time.
A perfect example of this was my senior year of college. I was having midnight rendevous with this former dining hall co-worker. I had an infatuation for her tall stature and her more than average “goods”. However, her fellatio skills were not the best. Not. At. All. She used her teeth every time which made the occurrence feel like an Old Testament circumcision every time! The first time I thought it was just a mistake and I blew it off willing to give her another chance. After the next two times, it occurred to me that she thought her performance was admirable. She mistook my whimpering for pleasure! She mistook my hand pushing her head away as playful encouragement! And I didn’t have the courage to tell her that her head game was bad. Instead I would just stay away from the act itself, being the aggressor all the time so that I wouldn’t have to endure the pain.
How many of us are just like this? When do we start opening up to the truth? I should have told the long legged goddess that she was hurting me but I didn’t want to offend her or cut off the midnight sessions. In dating, we need to establish relationships built on a friendship (there’s that word again) that allows one to be free to disagree with someone’s opinion. But what do we normally do? We refuse to tell the other person the truth in order to keep the peace. We don’t want to rock the boat. And so we hold that truth until we walk down the aisle. . . .
When it comes to writing and singing, I’m incredibly sensitive. However if I want to be excel in my gifts, I have to accept criticism. And I actually welcome it now. So even though I didn’t initially like what my female counterpart had to say regarding my initial article, it was necessary. I’ve learned to accept help and words of wisdom from those who have my best interest at heart. After all, I want that mentally stimulating Black love . . . . . . . . .
Let go of the representative and be yourself. Keep it one-hundred.
How’s that for entertainment?