Dating the Unhappily Married

“O.P.P.”, “Down Low (Nobody Has to Know)”, “My Little Secret”, and “Bad Habits” are just a few of the songs dedicated to that special someone that comes off the bench for the significant other when he/she is not playing their best.  “Can’t Let You Go” is one of my favorite cheating songs because you understand that you are living wrong but you can’t let the affair go.  As a guy that has had various mistresses and has been a manstress on several occasions,  I know how it feels to desire what you can’t have.  Now being that I have been on both sides of the plate, I can tell you wholeheartedly that the situation nine times out of ten doesn’t end well.  Now I know all the side pieces are in disagreement with this fact.  But the truth of the matter is that affairs normally end badly.

Prior to attending rehab, I embraced dating married women.  I have to admit, it was a fetish of mine.  I enjoyed having another man’s woman call and text me at all hours, having her lust for me when she was with him.  I relished in the fact that I was having her send me naked photos from her bathroom while her husband was in the next room.  And the sex?  Those hours of sin were the most earth-shattering, physically stimulating moments of my life.  It was a high that I didn’t want to let go.  And I searched out for the next high.  And the next. I thrived on the spontaneity of the chaos.  It made me feel valued at a time in which I was feeling disregarded.  And I was happy existing in the fantasy . . . . that is until the married woman would say “I love you” . . . . . . .

Now let’s pause right here for a public service announcement.  How in the hell can you have an exclusive relationship with a married person?  Not happening.  In order to be “exclusive”, both parties have to be “single”.  Not unhappily married.  Single. Not living in the same home but sleeping in different bedrooms.  Single.  How do I know?  Well, I was unhappily married trying to carry on an exclusive relationship with a mistress back in the day.  At first, things ran the normal course.  Then similar to most relationships, my emotions got involved.  And why wouldn’t they?  She was a friend that I could tell my troubles to.  She was intelligent and hella sexy.  So yeah, I fell for her and asked her to just be with me.  At first it was cool but eventually she asked me that dreaded question all unhappily married people don’t want to hear:  “Since you are still living with your wife, is it okay that I date other men?” Now any good pimp is gonna say no but I knew when she asked, she was already fielding offers.  It was foolish to think that I could have her all to myself while still being with my wife.  In the end, I was left more unhappy with myself because I was now being rejected by another woman in which I had developed soul ties.

Since I’ve been single again, I can’t tell you how many fall outs I’ve had with unhappily married women.  Every one of them has hit me with that line of wanting me to not date anyone else while they continue to live with their spouses.  I’ve had one that actually reached out to a girl I was getting to know and she tried to run interference and keep me from having a relationship! Her reasoning was that she wanted me to be with her, but I couldn’t because she was still married and had a fiance as well! (Thanks BlackPeopleMeet.com!). With another, I gave up a budding relationship for the potential of being with her.  Woman was more beautiful than a Hawaiian sunrise but something put me off as she could only answer the phone at certain times of the day.  I would call her and she would send me to voicemail. She would give me that line that she was helping out her family but what I came to find out was that she was screwing Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, Mike . . . Ralph, and Johnny too! Now you see why I had to go to rehab?

When it comes down to it, a married person can not have an exclusive relationship with a single person.  No matter what type of logic you try to give, it’s a no win situation.  Now everyone wants to be the exception to the rule.  Hell, I want to be that one that hits the Mega Millions tonight but what are the chances there?  Ladies, no matter how much you say it’s only sex, it’s never only sex.  Emotions get involved and that’s where the trouble comes.  As a former addict, I can tell you that the married women I’ve been with have all caught feelings.  The mistresses that I’ve had when I was married, all caught feelings.  See where I’m going with this?  Everyone wants to be the fried chicken, not just the macaroni and cheese . . . . . .

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