In Love By Now . . . . . .

As I have said before, outside of the IRS, there is nothing that strikes fear into my heart more than the possibility of marrying the wrong woman . . . again.  As this video came across my timeline, I sat in utter amazement.  Now we all know this female has some issues that go waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy beyond anger management.  Trust!  However, I was in wonderment at the boyfriend.  This chick told Steve Harvey that her boyfriend was the one that was unhinged.  She reports, “I should be married right now, but my crazy ass boyfriend won’t marry me. . . . . He’s the one that is crazy”.  Now from every indication, buddy is not mentally deranged.  No sir.  However, he is insane because he had been with this female for more than one day!   The only thing that makes a guy stay with a crazy ass female is that toe curling, body convulsing, teeth chattering, awe inspiring sex (you know what they say about sex with crazy folk!).  From her stance, it seems that the two have been together for a while.  But why does she feel that her boyfriend should have married her by now?

For the sake of argument, let’s say that buddy has known his girlfriend for about . . . eh, a year.  He met his deranged girlfriend through the Plenty of Fish online dating site.  After about two weeks of instant messages, sharing pictures, and late night phone calls, both parties decide to meet for dinner and drinks.  They are both attracted to each other and keep their dinner conversation to surface questions (i.e. How was your day? Do you watch Love and Hip Hop Atlanta?).  They don’t want the night to end and she suggest that they watch a movie at his house.  He rents a movie from the nearest Redbox but they end up never watching the movie. He is hypnotized by her bedroom exploits and continues to see her daily despite her accusatory weekly outbursts.  Each weekend for the next eight months they continue to engage in food, movies, and candlelight circuses.  Girlfriend says that she wants to get married now because they have been going to the circus for close to a year and it’s time that buddy puts a ring on it.  Should he marry her without even knowing her middle name? I’ll wait . . . . . . .

I’ve had the honor of sitting on the sidelines to witness some of the world’s longest boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.  I myself have taken part of a relationship that went on for about four years.  The question is often asked, why would a guy wait so long to let a woman know whether or not the relationship is going to lead to marriage?  Why string someone along for such a long time?  Don’t you know if something will work or not?  I don’t have the answers to those questions as every situation is different.  For me, I tend to roll slow when getting to know someone because it takes time to get past a person’s representative.

Time is a valuable commodity that often gets wasted.  For a great many of us, we don’t value the time we have until it’s no longer there making us time abusers.  This is why most females I know believe that they should be married after so many months or years of being with a person.  Before I got married, I agreed with the female population.  I would say that after a year, a man should know whether or not he is going to marry the woman who he is supposedly being monogamous with.  However, after being married, divorced, and single again, I think differently.  Marriage is more than just “I like you, you like me, let’s be together forever”.  Although our society treats marriage like a run at the car wash (i.e Britney Griner filing for an annulment after 28 days of being married), I choose to take my time to get to know the next lady inside and out.

Now you may regard my approach to dating as one of a person that doesn’t trust people.  You may be correct.  You may feel that I’m a little too cautious.  You may be right about that as well.  What I’ve come to realize is that I have to get through the political relationship bullshyt in order to see what I’m actually dealing with.  Most people are hiding their true selves until they reach a level of comfort with you.  They will tell you all the things you like to hear in order to keep your interest.  It could be pretending to like sports just to find out once you are married that they really couldn’t stand you and your fantasy sports league.  It could be saying and acting as if they are the fellatio queen while inside the thought sickens them. Or (my personal favorite) they pretend that they don’t have any issues only to find out that they are a psychopath being hunted by the U.S. Marshals.  So yes, it normally takes a year or so just to get past the representative. The fact that I date to marry creates this world where most females I date are scared to let me know who they really are.  And many of my male friends say the same.  So it’s not that we don’t want to marry, it’s that we don’t know WHO we are marrying. Unfortunately, it takes time to find that out . . . . . . .

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