So in my previous blog, I was on this whole “Black Love” crusade. In my spirited attempt to remain “positive”, I focused my efforts on the benefits of love and didn’t give time to talk about approaching life’s storms. Yeah I know I gave a rather brief summary about Robin Thicke and his attempt to get Paula back, but I didn’t talk about the fight that was on Robin’s hands. The media was crucifying him, stacking the deck against him. Yet, he chose to pronounce his love at every concert, in every interview, and in his recordings. When did Robin make up his mind to start fighting for love? When did he decide to stop fighting for love? I mean at some point you have to count your loses right?
Despite the Jedi mind tricks that the media plays, everyone makes mistakes. Let me say that again. Everyone makes mistakes. This includes you, yes you the reader. So eventually, there are going to be some misunderstandings, errors, and total omission of the truth. Someone may forget that coveted wedding anniversary. There may be an important lunch or dinner date that has to be rescheduled due to work conflicts. There may be a utility or cable bill that goes unpaid due to someone purchasing a new pair of Jordans or that pretty Coach purse that was on sale. Or there may have been that picture of a topless co-worker or mutual friend in your significant other’s text messages that needs to be explained. No matter how you rank the aforementioned issues, they are stressors that can lead to things falling apart in a relationship. It all depends on what’s important to you and how the mistakes are corrected.
Since mistakes are going to happen, what is the protocol for correction? It’s easy to erase an incorrect answer on a test. However, the darker the lead, the more time you have to spend to remove the error. I found this to be true with dating as well. To me, it’s easy to make up a missed lunch or dinner. However when trust has been betrayed as in the case with the misspent bill money and the half-naked person in your mate’s smartphone, correcting becomes a laborious chore. And unfortunately, there will be times that we will tear the paper apart in our efforts to erase the mistake. At that time, the error is still there and the paper is torn. We are left with no recourse but to try again with another sheet of paper.
When do we fight for our relationships? I’ve asked this question in several media chat rooms and everyone seems to have a different answer depending on their current relationship status. One female who was engaged stated that “if the good traits outweigh the undesirable traits, they are worth fighting for”. She went on to say that “the key is” to look at “what else you see in that person that overshadows those undesirable traits”. A married man chimed in and stated that “the person that you are with should inspire you to fight”. Another married man stated that “you should fight until you get tired . . . you rest, and then fight again”. What’s wrong with this picture? If you said that all of these people were either engaged or married, you would be correct! In my group posting, singles could not define when you should fight for a relationship. I did get answers that had to deal with love clouding a person’s judgement but never something that stated that fighting was real. And with that, I’ve become worried. . . . . . .
So should you only fight when you are married? Is that what the world has come to now? As a Black man looking to marry, I’m very concerned because there won’t be any room for forgiveness at all in future relationships. And if there is no forgiveness, people will continue to send representatives of themselves whenever they date. If everyone is continuing to be representatives, there is no truth in which to live.
Let’s be transparent for a moment. My father never taught me how to fight. I wasn’t placed in recreational sports as a youth. I’ve learned what I know now from the streets of South Augusta and Morgan Road Middle School. In the streets, relationships were about having your girl to give up the goodies within two weeks. If the girl was mad with you, all you had to do was send a dedication of Boyz II Men “Please Don’t Go” or Keith Sweat “Come Back” during Foxie 103’s Midnight Love and all was forgiven. But what happens when songs don’t work? What happens when she doesn’t want to answer the phone because she is too upset to talk?
So singles, when should you fight for your relationship? When should you take out the eraser and when should you just throw the paper away?
- I still believe in love . . . . but I’m worried . . . . . . .