Yeah, that just happened. When I saw this Farmer’s Only commercial for the first time, I couldn’t fathom what I just saw. A lady of the corn looking for her Mr. Right? I couldn’t help but chuckle because . . . . hell it’s funny! I was trying to rationalize the need for yet another single dating website. I understand that everyone needs love but aren’t there enough sites to hook up on? I mean you have Zoosk.com, ChristianMingle.com, BlackPeopleMeet.com, Match.com, eHarmony.com, Chemistry.com, and PlentyOfFish.com. And for those that are married wanting to have honest yet discreet affairs, there is Ashley Madison.com. And the list of sites goes on . . . and on. But the question is with all of these available internet cafes for people to meet and chat, why aren’t there more marriages and less divorces? Could it be that we have too much of a choice?
I know, I know. You’re already thinking to yourself that there are never enough choices. It’s nice to have a choice especially for those of us who were never given a choice of anything growing up. But indulge me for a few moments if you will.
Now when you go to an upscale restaurant, there is a limited choice on what items you can select. You are seated knowing that you will have to wait for that meal but you don’t mind. Once you receive the meal, it’s a mouth-watering medley of sauces, seasonings, and textures giving your mouth the most sublime orgasm. Now compare this experience to eating at your local buffet. Big difference. First and foremost, the choices are endless! You find yourself trying to decide between the grilled steaks and the personal pan pizza being made to order. Food is there as soon as you walk in the door. You find yourself trying to sample everything that is there and find yourself unbuttoning your pants because you have eaten more than your stomach can hold. And somehow, you are telling yourself that you still have room for some ice cream . . . . . . .
So is online dating similar to a buffet? Yes it is. A friend of mine compared online dating to a candy store. She said that “when you present people with a candy store, they want to taste everything and they find it impossible to commit to just one item as their favorite. But if you slip a man a brown bag with a singular delicious cookie, he’ll want to keep taking additional bites. He won’t even bother to look for other sweets. The problem with the candy store mentality is that the man is never satisfied because they are ever curious to try the next thing. He becomes so numb after the initial dopamine release, he must try a new product, over and over.” I tend to agree.
Businesses bank on this candy store mentality and we all have fell for it. It seems that Samsung is coming out with a new Galaxy phone every other month promising a bigger screen, better graphics, yada yada yada. And what do we do? We stand outside Best Buy on Thanksgiving so that we can be one of the first with the new product. Apple Inc. peers across the street and does the exact same thing. We stand in line looking at our phones and convince ourselves that they are obsolete. The truth is that there is nothing wrong with the phone. The screen is still intact. The call and text options are still operating as they did when we first purchased the phone. We can still play our favorite games but we need the next best thing (that’s Sprint’s slogan by the way . . . ). And this is how singles have conducted themselves in the dating world. We avoid commitment because we want the ability to move on if something better comes along.
Instant gratification then becomes a nemesis to commitment. Because of this, we don’t have the patience to deal with others. We want love but we want it right now. Forget trying to get to know someone. Here are some comments that me and some of my single friends have gotten via our online DM:
- Hell, didn’t you read my profile? That’s all you need to know . . . .
- You should love me and marry me because I’m a Black woman . . . . .
- You should have sex with me because of how I look. You see these pecs?
- What’s wrong with letting me get at it the first night? Haven’t you heard how I beat the pussy up? You won’t want anyone else . . . . .
- I don’t need to build up trust with you. Hell, you should already know how to trust me. I wrote it in my bio . . . . . . .
And yes, actual people wrote these items. I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to . . . .
So as I decide whether or not to delete my online profile, can anyone give me any benefits to online dating? Does it really work? Is there a way I can keep my options to a singular bag rather than sampling all the candy?
Follow me on IG @wednesdaygentleman where the discussion continues . . . . . .