Fighting Rejection

fighting rejection 2 fighting rejection

About two months ago, me and my ace went out to a mixed martial arts event in Gwinnett County.  Now upon his first mention of the event,  I really had no intentions of going.  I was trying to get over my own steel cage match that I was still pulling myself off the mat from.  However, a part of me wanted to get back out.  There was no playoff football game or all day track meet that I could use as an excuse.  It was on a Saturday night and I didn’t have any plans.  I needed to get out again.  I’ve always been curious about mixed martial arts but I didn’t know too much about it.  To me, mixed martial arts fighting was nothing more than low budget wrestling.   It was a caged match without all the fanfare that the World Wrestling Entertainment brought.  There was no Ric Flair coming to the ring in the diamond studded robes with girls dripping from his arm.  There was no Hulk Hogan tearing his “Hulkamania” shirt with his “twenty-four inch pythons”.  There was no Rock to tell you to smell what he was cooking!  There would just be men and women headed to an unforgiving octagon who were invested in winning.

As I entered the arena, I saw so many people who were cheering for the combatants. There were gym owners, trainers, family members, and fight fans who were there for a good time. Alcohol every five feet made the night all the more eventful.  That night, I learned all the different rules and regulations as it related to the fights.  Now the highlight of the night was this one particular fight between two female competitors.  What took place in the first round could only be described as a massacre.  One lady had her beautiful face rearranged due to the blows she took. Now what surprised most of the onlookers was not the fact that she was slowly being dismantled.  Nah.  What surprised the crowd was that this lady fell down twice and got back up to endure more pain.  Common sense would have told anyone else to stay their ass on the mat.  But not her.  She was too much of a competitor.  Although her face and blonde hair were covered in blood, she stood up and endured the three rounds.


As I stood there and cheered at the end of the match with the rest of the crowd, it occurred to me that dating is no different than a mixed martial fight.  It’s not for the faint of heart (I can’t tell you how many ladies who were in attendance turned their heads as their boyfriends and husbands cheered on). Dating can be both exciting and gruesome in the same breath.  Meeting the one that was created to balance your world can be the greatest victory and being rejected by someone who could have been your forever can be the most gruesome defeat.  If you don’t know how to take a punch to the face or counter an arm bar,  you may not be cut out for the dating game.  Anyone can like dating as long as they are establishing the parameters of the game.  It’s only until you get slammed to the mat, unable to move due to the weight of the rejection, that you grow into a better competitor.  It’s the fear of rejection that makes you fight harder.


Now for me, I don’t care to be rejected.  Scratch that.  I detest rejection.  I spent most of my grade school years being rejected.  I would always hear that “You’re so nice” or “You’re so sweet” bullshit.  I knew what time it was.  I wasn’t the most attractive guy and my family wasn’t well off.  Hell, my parents were struggling just to keep the lights on!  I couldn’t compete with the drug dealers who wore new Jordans every week to school.  I couldn’t compete with the guys who were able to get their haircut with the fancy designs in the back every week. I had to wait for that once a month cut (yeah try that shit with a boxed fade).  The world of dating is filled with rejection.  People are going to slam your feelings against the steel cage and put you on the mat.  You have to realize that you are not meant for everyone.  Just because you both have similar qualities doesn’t mean that you both will work well as a team. I’ve gotten to a point in my life that I understand this fact and I can keep it moving. I’m a big guy who has tremendous drive that dictates my being.  I know that there are females that can handle a guy like me.  I also know that there are females that are afraid of man of my stature.  There are also females that just don’t like me.  And that’s fine with me . . . . now.   After all, it’s THEIR lost right? Right . . . . . .


Now what I do not understand is the new way people reject others. You know, not returning texts or calls after several days of conversing.  Literally saying nothing. That sudden drop off that leaves the other person in the land of “What the Hell?”  You don’t know whether to take immediate offense and curse that person out or send texts stating that you hope everything is okay.  Yeah, I used to be that simp that would send texts to check on the other.  I would start sending texts asking what I did wrong because after all, I wanted to “fix” whatever the problem was.  I cared enough to want the matter resolved.  After a while, I stopped acting like Robin Thicke and just learned to keep it moving.  Then I became THAT person that would not respond to texts for one reason or the other. . . . . . .

Let’s be honest for a minute.  There really isn’t a polite way to stop seeing anyone.  I hear so many people who state that they want you to keep it “100” with them but if the truth were told, they wouldn’t want to hear it because they would be crushed.  (Just so you know, omitting the truth is not keeping it “100”) I don’t know of any person that wants to be told that they are not attractive enough for the other or their sex game was not even close to what they bragged about over the phone or online.  Yeah, I’ve been there.  Yeah, I’ve done that.  And today, I want to atone for my wrongs.  I don’t want to be that guy that doesn’t respond anymore.  Yes, we don’t want to be lied to but yet the truth hurts so much.  Tell me, is there any way to tell a person that you are no longer interested in them without crushing their self-esteem?  

One thought on “Fighting Rejection

  1. Another great article. To answer your question that depends on the person your talking to. There are actually people out there who’s self esteem is not wrapped up in your opinion of them. It’s not your job to govern their feelings. Rejection stings a little and if you really like the person or have developed deeper feelings it can be down right painful. That’s something neither party can control that’s just life. Your job is to be completely honest. You have to first be true to yourself. If what that person is bringing isn’t your cup of tea then just tell them that. Trust me unless your dealing with a complete head case she will be just fine. You think your sparing the other person from hurt feelings when your not honest but your really setting them up for long term dragged out rejection. It’s the difference between snatching a bandaid off and getting it over with or slowly peeling it off and prolonging the pain. Believe me the other person feels your rejection it’s just easily overlooked because of their desire to be with you and your deceitful words that don’t match your behavior. Honesty shows that your do care about that persons feelings. It opens the way for them to put you behind them and move on to the one that will want them. It may be uncomfortable for you but I’m sure it’s more uncomfortable to continue to see this persons text and calls.

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