( Don’t let her come in and pull a Kanye on you…)
About a month ago, I received a text from a special someone inquiring about my thoughts on women proposing to men. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to let me know that we could accelerate this thing along, but my senses soon came back when he proceeded to tell me a close male friend of his was proposed to by his girlfriend. My initial reaction was shock and awe, and the conversation developed into a fascinating discussion on the traditional roles of men and women during the engagement process.
I would think that most people would have a reaction similar to mine- one of utter disbelief, then pure intrigue regarding a woman who would have the cajones to ask for her man’s hand in holy matrimony. I stated that although the times, they have ‘a changed, I was still a firm believer of a man asking a woman to marry him. Dating back to when cavemen grunted at their newly minted partners in life, it’s a man’s job to make the decision to accelerate to the next step in a long life together. Yes, a woman has to be on board with the game plan, but I believe a man has to initiate the match.
As we continued to discuss the issue in further detail, Mr. Special Someone (that’s what we’ll call him now, because why not) shared that the couple was partaking in a camping excursion when the girlfriend stopped in her tracks and asked her boyfriend to retrieve an item out of his sleeping bag. He rumbles through the bag and uncovers the ring box. He turns around and she asks him to marry her. He said yes, and that’s pretty much all I know. No further details were provided, but we both mutually agreed that a woman proposing was not our cup of tea. Mr. Special Someone made a great point when he said that during the course of engagement and a subsequent marriage, the man is the focal point in only two instances: the proposal and then saying “I do”. And the latter just involves him showing up the day of, on time and clean, because we know it’s all about Bridezilla the rest of the time. Therefore, the proposal is HIS thing. It’s his story to tell over and over, to wide-eyed friends and family. It’s his time to shine as everyone hears how he had been planning for months, asked your parents for your hand in marriage, and how he convinced the Miami Heat game day operations crew to allow him to propose on the Jumbotron during the “Kiss Cam” segment ( FYI, that’s my dream proposal and I will not be ashamed). We mutually agreed that there was some “thunder stealing’ involved in the girlfriend’s proposal.
But what type of woman chooses to take over the engagement spotlight? A confident one who knows he’ll say yes? A determined woman who knows what she wants and it’s him? I posed this question at brunch today, which consisted of two newly engaged couples- a perfect audience for this question. After one of my friends said he would have told his now fiancée’ to put the ring down and get off her knee because that was what HE was supposed to do, the other groom-to-be threw out a gem. He said that the woman who asks her man to marry her is also telling this same man that there’s an ultimatum in the air:
“I want to get married and I want to get married now. I’m asking you and if you don’t say yes, I’m out.”
Ok, so maybe that’s not exactly what a woman says with her proposal, but you catch my drift. Does every woman who has ever proposed to a man feel that if she didn’t take that step, that he wouldn’t? Probably not. Ladies, would you even want to propose marriage to a man who didn’t make it a point to ask you first? Is all of this trivial, and it’s really all about the L-O-V-E? In the end, what matters is the individual relationship between a man and woman. If a man says he’s okay with it, who I am to say anything? With that being said, I would be hesitant to steal my man’s thunder, as he now has to tell his boys the story of how I lit candles in the house and had a choir jump out of the bushes and sing “Marry You” by Bruno Mars. Plus, I don’t want to have my man be the one posting a selfie with his ring screaming “I said YESSSSSSS!” That’s MY thunder, dammit.