How To Deal With An Ex.

If there was ever an instruction manual for how to properly handle an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, it would most likely include the following guidelines:

  1. Discontinue all communication with the Ex. This includes phone calls, texts, or social media interaction, unless there is a communal piece of property involved ( a child, dog, or an Xbox).
  2. Resist all temptation to return to the Ex. The universe allows second chances to be administered, but any more than a second chance is considered excessive and unacceptable. Please refrain from this type of behavior.
  3. Do not allow the brain to linger over thoughts of the Ex. This will result in thoughts of doubt, worry, concern, and consideration of reconciliation. To avoid this type o behavior, get a hobby. Start painting, drinking wine, or counting sheep at night when your brain gets bored.

If you’re like me and the rest of the free world, you have consistently failed on all three of the instructions above. You try not to, but you just can’t help it. You know you should probably not add them on Facebook, but how else are you going to know if they finally cut their or lost those last 10 pounds? There will always be a time where your mind lingers over if they made a mistake or if you did by ending it- it’s simply natural. Just like there are no real instructions on how to handle a former significant other ( other than just leave them the hell in the past- pretty simple), there is no proper way to prepare yourself for seeing your ex for the first time after a breakup.

I ran into this scenario recently. I knew I was going to see my ex at a party, and then the plan came into place on how to conduct myself accordingly. Because I am a hot mess and this is why this blog exists in the first place, I obviously over analyzed the entire situation. I obviously needed to look ridiculously sexy and somehow lower my speaking voice into a husky tone, right? That way, when I said “Oh, hello” to him with a nonchalant glance, he would be on the verge of passing out. I needed to wear a hot dress, and then the plan to lose 15 pounds in a week went into overdrive. That lasted a day, because I realized I would not give up cheese for anyone, let alone my ex-boyfriend. After realizing all of this was absolutely ridiculous because we are adults, I said “eff” it, and just focused on going to the party, and having a good time with my girlfriends.

Now, that didn’t stop me from sauntering into the party with an extra air of confidence, just in case he saw me make my entrance. Little did I know, that he walked in right behind me, and saw the whole thing. At that point, the anticipation blew over, and it wasn’t a big deal at all. We did greet each other, and both went about our business. Well, that worked.

The party was great, and I had a ball. I did glance at him a few times out of the corner of my eye, to make sure he knew I was still awesome, and we locked eyes a few times. But there were no lingering eyes between the two of us, suggesting let’s both stand up and come towards each other so we can talk for some reason. Just quick glances and averted eyes. At one point, I looked up the stairs to see him at the top looking at me, and I didn’t know what to do. Should I have started twerking or something? Show him what he was missing? I’m glad the thought didn’t enter my mind, otherwise we would have both been embarrassed.

Our night ended when he left early, and he came over to give me a goodbye hug. No words the entire night, just two chest bumps. As he walked out the door, I wondered if that was the closure I needed. Again, there is no instruction for how to handle your ex, but I hope that we all our adults enough to handle these situations properly. You will always think about people who you loved in the past, and that’s okay. It’s human nature, and it’s inherent to want to relive the good times you’ve had in the past. But to quote numerous internet memes, the past is in the past for a reason ( or something like that). Just avoid the urge to twerk the next time you run into your ex.

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