I Am Not My Hair.

Are there certain types of looks that cause you to have assumptions about a person? For Instance, when I see a guy wearing an Ed Hardy T-shirt and skinny jeans, I automatically assume he’s a Chris Brown backup dancer, or an actor getting into character to play Leroy from Fame. We all have our assumptions that are based off, or on, something. Maybe we came across three people with a certain look and assumed the other 40 billion people with the same look are the same – just like all the Lil Wayne clones walking around DC. Seriously, I swear, 1 out of every 3 males in DC wears dreads and yeast infection jeans.

I'm soul
I’m soul

Don’t mind me, I’m just dreaming, but one of my past assumptions was about women with big hair who wear head wraps, and the men that love them. Every time I saw a woman with big hair I thought of Isis from X-Clan (remember them) and “Beautiful Black Woman, Mother of the Earth, Queen of the Universe” comes to mind – word to Fudge. Women whose hair is so big that it comes equipped with a black leather jacket, a shotgun and is endorsed by a right on. This does not apply to women who just left the beauty salon only to be smacked with humidity as soon as stepping outside, but the natural sista who shops only at Whole Foods and makes her own clothes.

I realize that I was generalizing when I used to say that all women with big hair  wore head wraps; I couldn’t help it, I’m from Denver. The only time we saw women like this was on TV or at the Juneteenth celebration. Yes, we have Juneteenth in Denver, which is strange because Colorado never had slaves. What’s even more strange is we have Bloods and Crips in Denver, so these would be the same women during the year rocking ponytails, braids, dollar store locs, Dickies jeans and starter bomber coats; and, depending on what hood they were from, a certain color – damn you gotta love a multi-faceted woman. Oh, but because of TV’s influence, I assumed all women who wore their hair big was on some back to Africa shit, smoked weed and kept a yearly supply of incense.

So I placed all natural haired women in a box. I assumed they all were poetic and artsy. You couldn’t tell me that natural haired women wearing head wraps didn’t all congregate in coffeehouses, attending open mic poetry sessions where the audience snapped their fingers and shit, after each poet was finished. Or, didn’t live in an upstairs loft of an art gallery, so that they could be close to their favorite pieces by their favorite artists who no one but them even f^cking knows. Some people equate crack with Chris Rock (pookie), I equate poetry and art with Rashida.

The only music they listen to is neo-soul. I assumed neo-soul was the siren call for natural haired sistas, so I assumed. I often gave the side eye to the Nefertiti’s of the world  when I saw them dropping it like it’s hot to “Pop That”, WTF? Didn’t they know, no self-respecting, blunt smoking, dashiki and cloth dress wearing sista should be caught dead listening to Top 40 music? Give me a sista who only listened to Kem’s boring ass and I’m straight.

Their “smell good” is body oils. I would be distraught if I saw Sista Souljah in Macy’s buying Chanel no. 9. As a matter of fact, if I saw this, I would have probably thrown her a bottle of Frankincense and Myrrh and a salad (because you know all natural haired sistas are vegetarians or vegans) and asked, “have you no shame?”

Vegetarians. It’s an unwritten rule that those of the headwrap are vegetarians. If it didn’t come from the Garden of Eden or Whole Foods, then it’s not natural.

Rail against twerking – see above. I would give you the supersized O_o if I saw Afeni all done up in a table cloth dress a la Erkyah Badu (On and On video), smelling of body oils and wearing henna tattoos while twerking and doing Chinese splits to Bandz A Make Her Dance. By the way, why are they even called Chinese Splits? Why not Ethiopian splits? And this isn’t fair, I know, she should be able to enjoy herself just as anyone else, without being held to a higher standard because of her hair and Ankh necklace.

When it’s all said and done, all big haired women really want is real love, she’s searching for a real love, someone to set her heart free and to be able to drop down and get her eagle on without being judged. Can a big haired sista live?

Can you dig it? Are big haired women problems real, or are my past assumptions off based? If so, what are they? Also, I’m interested in reading about some of your assumptions based off looks that you have seen.

Talk to me, I’ll talk back.

Breazy B. Ware.

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