Things I Don’t Like In a Relationship.

Relationship pet peeves. We all have them, you know those things that your significant other does that makes you want to dive face first into an empty Olympic-sized pool? Yeah, those things. The things that you have to accept with the rest of them, even though you would probably consider farting in their Cheerios, if they did it one more time.

Do I have your attention?  I see someone got their income tax money.
Do I have your attention? I see someone got their income tax money.

Truth is, there’s just no shaking them, and they come with the territory.  So, if you’re going to be with “Danger,” then you’re going to have to accept that big ass face tattoo and the fact that she probably smashed the homie. Consequently, this may beg the question, “why would I want to be with someone who constantly has a look of bewilderment on her face?” As in… the lights are on, but no one’s at home.  Oh yeah, and tried to get with Brandy’s little brother? Me no know. “What you talkin’ bout Willis?” And if you’re a woman, then you’d probably wish your man would fall down an open elevator shaft, if he scratches his balls at the dinner table one more time.

So any-who, I’ve been gone for a minute and now I’m back with the jump off.  Relationship pet peeves can be a nail in the coffin if not discussed. You know since sharing is caring and shit or just can be one of those cute things that he/she does that makes you want to smother them in their sleep, but you accept it. Only you can be the judge.

Since I’m a helpful person and yeah I love them strippers (U.E.N.O), I figured I would share with you a couple of my pet peeves to let you know that like Michael Jackson, you are not alone. So just kick off your shoes and relax your feet… just kicking, just kicking…as I share Breazy’s list of things, that if I didn’t love you, then I’d give you a wedgie and erase from the DVR, all your Real Housewives of Atlanta episodes.

1. Asking for my some of my food after saying no when I asked you.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that every man hates this. It’s not that we don’t want to share, we do, which is why we asked you. But since you said “no,” we figure life’s a beach and we can enjoy our food in peace too.  Now, after a couple of bites in, and you ask us if you can have some…well, that makes us madder than R. Kelly at a Spelling Bee, you remind me of my Jeep.

2. Saying you don’t care what or where we eat, but shoot down every suggestion that we make.

Food is a big deal in a relationship, since the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. We take eating seriously, almost religious like. When you leave us the decision to choose where or what to eat, then we are going to do just that. But turning down every suggestion we make, well that’s a capital offense. On top of that, saying what you don’t want to do when it’s our decision, while prolonging our eating is the equivalent of Karlie Redd having a career; it’s cruel and unusual punishment and selfish.

3. Saying you’ll be ready in 5 minutes, knowing damn well it’s going to be an hour.

This is the second biggest lie ever told, right after the devil doesn’t exist but before size doesn’t matter. The thing about it is, it’s not entirely your fault. We know 5 minutes really isn’t 5 minutes, yet we still hold out that hope that it would actually happen; kind of like wishing Bow Wow and his using- the -company’s- credit -card- to -pay- child -support -ass would just crawl up in a ball and die. I don’t know if there is a beef we don’t know about, or you really are against being ready on time. Whatever the case may be, I’ll just sit and watch Twerk videos to calm my inner Dexter (damn I hate that show went off).

4. Talking to us when the game is in the 4th quarter.

Yes we like your company and yes you are important, but how hard is it to just let us be for the last 12 – 15 minutes of a game? Allowing us to enjoy something that we like shouldn’t be an act of congress. Better yet, if you know we like sports, then why make us choose between ignoring you like Trinidad James ignores dentists, and catching the end of the game? Trust me, it will not end in your favor.

These are just a few examples of things that peeve me about relationships. What are some of yours?

Talk to me, I’ll talk back.

Breazy the slew footed Pimp.

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