I would hate for someone to ever identify me as “BABY MAMA”. First off, it’s grammatically incorrect and that in itself makes me cringe. Secondly, if I’m not married, I do not plan on having a baby. Awhile back, I did a post about the urge to have children (You’re Headed For Reproduction), which focused on the pressures from others, society, and even myself, to have a child. The piece discussed several reasons why I was not ready to bear my offspring, and I did mention that I would not want to have a baby solo dolo. I have had this discussion on several occasions with friends, co-workers, and random people ( I can talk to anybody if I’ve had some wine), and my stance has always been clear: My need to be in a stable, loving marriage overpowers my desire to have a baby for the sake of having one, especially in a situation where someone hasn’t put a ring on it yet.
Look, we all know that most women do not make it their mission in life to become a “baby momma”. Unless mediatakeout.com is bookmarked on your laptop, or it’s your dream to get on one of the Basketball Wives/Housewives/Love & Hip Hop shows, I am certain that most women plan on being in a loving relationship where there are two sets of hands to change their children’s diapers. I think it’s also safe to say that most of these women would appreciate being married as well. With that being said, no one ever gets married and has children with the intention of getting divorced, so this is an issue that many cannot avoid. I personally think that too many people get married to idiots they have no business walking down the aisle with, and so many set themselves up for failure without even realizing it. Making the ultimate commitment to spend the rest of your life with someone is a task not to be taken lightly, and so is the decision to have children with them as well. I think these are two tasks that are to go hand in hand. If I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with you, why in the world should be go half on a baby?
Now, don’t even get me started about having children with said idiots and there is no band around your left ring finger. It kills me when I hear some women rant and complain about having a “deadbeat baby daddy” who will not come and visit their children or do not provide for them financially. Sadly, many men show their true colors well before you had to rush to CVS to get an EPT test. He was always late for dates, stood you upon several occasions, always made you pay when you went to Chili’s, not to mention the fact that you only saw him on the weekends. Now you’re surprised that he won’t pitch in for Pampers? And I’m sorry, but visitation will never be a word used when it comes to my children and the man who contributed to their creation ( again outside of divorce, which oftentimes cannot be avoided). Visitation is for prisoners, not for my offspring. My kids will never have their father babysit them, because he will be my HUSBAND and fathers don’t babysit their own kids. It blows my mind that women have children with people they cannot even stand to be around. Again, we all know countless friends and family who thought they found “The One” and the relationship fell apart. We also know of people in these situations that had children in the process. No one knows what the future holds, but I just could never put myself in a situation where the existence of a marriage and a solidified commitment was not there for myself, my child, as well as my husband.
There is also a small portion of the population who make the individual choice to have a child without a significant other, but I ain’t about that life. I don’t even like bringing all my groceries in from the car by myself. How in the world would I survive if I had to conduct feedings all on my own? Why would I ever voluntarily lose my ability to nap on a whim and not have someone tag in to take over diaper duty? Therefore, at this point in my life, I have earned the right to wait until I find the right guy, put him under my spell, have him propose, and then have a beautiful baby girl whose named is still under lock and key ( I will NOT have a Charlotte York situation-no one is stealing my baby name!). I do not want to have a baby daddy. I want a husband. I am not going to be a baby momma. I am going to be a wife. And if I can’t trick anyone into marrying me, then little Princess Unicorn will not be born. It sounds harsh, but it’s my life- don’t you forget. I just won’t have a baby. I can always get a dog. And still name her Princess Unicorn.
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