The Situation Room


Here are two simple facts: When one is involved with another individual (emotionally, physically, etc.) they are either involved in a legitimate relationship or they are not. However, because no one in the “Not” category wants to publicly admit they are not officially committed to the other person, they have a desire to call it something well, that it’s NOT. This is an obscure place in your mind where you think you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, but no one is claiming these titles. You’re not seeing anyone else but you unsure if they are, but you do all the things real couples do. Kiss. Make up. Fight about nothing. Argue over what that last text really meant. Understand this and understand it very carefully: You are not in a relationship people, so stop acting like it is. You are in a place similar to the Bermuda Triangle, where socks and hair ties disappear, and where the Loch Ness Monster resides- an environment where facts are scarce and things goes missing (like your sanity). You my friend, are in The Situation Room.


People who are in the Situation Room are not in relationships. If asked about the  guy that’s been taking them out every night around 11pm, they will state that this is their “friend”. If they are constantly quizzed about the girl they’ve been seeing from back home and if this the “one”, a mumbled explanation that it is not really a relationship but a “situation” may spill from their lips. There is never a clear definition as to what these people mean in their lives, and how they are introduced to each other’s friends-if they even do that. Most people will come away from these conversation just as confused as the person in the “situation”. These conversations usually go a little something like this:


Inquiring Mind:  “Well, are you seeing anyone else?”

Confused Soul: “Not really.”

Inquiring Mind: “Are they dating anyone else?”

Confused Soul: “Uh, I don’t’ think so.”

Inquiring Mind: “So, is this your boyfriend?”

Confused Soul: “No. But he pretty much is. I mean, he’s not ready for a commitment, but we know we mean a lot to each other so it’s complicated. I mean, I’m not waiting around for him, but I really think he’s going to realize that I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him. I even think he loves me, but he doesn’t know how to express himself. It’s super complicated…

Inquisitive Mind: 


My head hurts just running this fictitious and ridiculous conversation through my brain. The reason it hurts so much is that I usually have this conversation with my friends 1-2 times per week. Sometimes the conversation is about them, sometimes it’s me trying to explain myself and my “situation”. But usually it’s about me.  Trying to explain your “situation” to someone is like attempting to justify in plain language why Carrie picked Big over Aiden. Why Shaquille O’Neal has a commentary job. Why snacking on carrot sticks is better than eating popcorn. All potentially good in theory, but it really doesn’t make any sense. Being in this confusing state of emotions is tiring, exhausting, frustrating, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Well, maybe I would, but I would really have to loathe someone to wish them into a situational “relationship”. The most frustrating aspect of this dilemma is that we do it to ourselves.

Ladies and Gentlemen, no one puts baby in a “situation”. Only you can do that to yourself. From what I was told recently over large amounts of wine and Heineken is that men are simple creatures. As a man, you know exactly what you want and if you want it bad enough, you will do whatever it takes to get it. I know men who have stood in line for 2 days just to procure fancy  sneakers. If that guy truly wants to be with a woman, he’ll go get her. Women? We can be a bit more complicated, but essentially we know what we want as well. As least we think we do. But oh, how we love to take up residence in the Situation Room!

Whether we’re hoping that The Situation will eventually ask us to be Mrs. Situation, or if we are waiting for him to change, we allow ourselves to stay in this grey area where you never know where you stand with someone. And no one should feel like that. The only people who should be in situations are those with a “1” in the beginning of their age and those who still pledge allegiance to Justin Bieber ( those little idiots deserve it). Everyone else should act like a grown up and say what you want and expect nothing less. Because if you don’t, you’re stuck in a situation sure to go south at any time. Oh, and here’s a newsflash: You cannot break up with someone if you were never in a relationship to begin with. The problem is, many people out there do not understand this concept. Luckily, you have Hot Mess Life in your life to explain this to you.


If neither you nor the person you’re involved with make that commitment to each other and define WHATEVER you’re doing as a relationship, then there is no break-up. There is no cheating. There is no boyfriend and there is no girlfriend. What exists is a situation in which you must simply have the strength to walk away. I’m not here to say that nothing can come from these situations ( yes, the word is being used too much, but that’s the point), but again, you must have the strength to stand up for yourself and demand more. Man or woman, it doesn’t matter- don’t allow yourself to get stuck in a place where you can’t tell your heart from your ass. If you want to be in a relationship, make that clear from the beginning. Otherwise, you might find yourself in an Oprah/Steadman-type scenario where no one knows what’s going on (although I completely understand why Steadman hangs around). Guys and gals, don’t stay in a situation in hopes that the other person will finally realize how great you are and that you fart rainbows, causing them to call you their girlfriend/boyfriend out in public. If you both can’t figure that out, then you need to be like Sexual Chocolate, drop the mike, and simply walk away.



(image courtesy of CNN)


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