You for the 99% of us that aren’t rich, sometimes we have to give off the appearance that we are to be taken seriously sort of like Nike Minaj reading Hamlet. Even if we are not as important to the world as we are to ourselves, in the words of Mystikal, I might not be nothing to you, but I’m the shit on this label. And while self confidence is a must, just how far in life can you really go knowing you won your 3rd grade spelling bee? Hell if self confidence was all it took to be successful in life I’d be a Cash Money Billionaire, because truth be told and I’m not sure if you all are aware of this I’m kind of a big deal.
But humble-bragging aside, some of us could stand to master the art of faking it till you make it, but just like alcohol, drugs, chocolate, Kapri Stylez and handy wipe Drake albums, it should be done in moderation. So in the spirit of giving, I present to you Breazy’s list of making yourself appear to be more important than you really are.
1. Wear glasses.
Have you ever noticed that people that have real money, wear glasses? I’m not talking about making it rain money or buying out the bar money but the type of money that resuscitate a struggling country’s economy. See Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.
2. Use your first name.
I know this sounds like common sense, but just think of all the people that you know who embarrassed by their first name or god forbid they think it’s “too white”
If your name is Kyle Rashad Thornton, but you go by Rashad because you think Kyle sounds nerdy. Just think how much easier it would be get an Interview, climb the corporate ladder and all the Delta and AKA snatch you can get if your name was Kyle R. Thornton. Oh and you’d probably be able to get a lifetime supply of Bougie girl rock if you had monogrammed towels with KRT on them.
3. Dressing up for no reason.
The standard buttoned up shirt and khakis to work isn’t good enough for you, no sir. In order to stand out while riding the elevator with that VP on the 10th floor who always confuses you for valet, you need to wear a Steve Harvey suit with 20 buttons, matching tweed pants and a pocket square. Either he will think you are important or you’re reenacting a scene from American Me, in your Zoot Suit. first Fridays at the club? Sunglasses in doors, brim hat and a bowtie
4. Drive a Prius.
Nothing says I’m important and I care about my carbon footprint like driving a Prius. Of course if you are a man, be prepared to be laughed and for people to think of you as an eunuch, since the only thing more emasculating is driving a minivan or seeing Drake in concert.
5. Drinking wine, top shelf liquor and imported beer.
You’re not important if when you are out on a lunch meeting the drink portion of your bill is less than $100. How are you going to rub shoulders with the big boys if you are drinking a Fuzzy Navel (do they still even make that shit) or how can you entertain clients and expect to be taken seriously if you are drinking a Mickey’s? If you’re not drinking liquor imported from France or beer imported from Germany or Denmark you might as well hang it up.
There you have it. Five can’t miss ways to be important to somebody other than your mother.
I’m sure i’m missing a few. any additions?
Talk to me, I’ll talk back.
Breazy the Magnificent