It Aint About You!

Quick question, how many of you can honestly say that you are good to your significant other? I don’t mean just good, but good to them to the point that you completely remove yourself and do it knowing it’s not about you. I bet your answer is different now, huh? After a friend of mine posted this video by Redd Velvet on her Facebook timeline, she asked me to look at it and give her my take on it. After the first look, I immediately stood up and gave her a slow clap that gradually increased to a golf clap that became a full-blown standing ovation.

This is the hardest thing to grasp when you're in a relationship.
This is the hardest thing to grasp when you’re in a relationship.

Of course me being a man, I thought/think that she is dead on. I feel like this is something that all women need to hear; finally a woman understands where we are coming from. It’s refreshing to see a woman say and admit that it’s not about her, but about her man and is willing to act like it. It’s also refreshing to hear a woman share this with other women. What’s the good in keeping valuable advice to yourself? Since this was posted on Facebook, people left comments after reviewing the clip, mostly from women and then me saying “Amen, now pass the offering plate.” But those that left comments seemed to not be in complete agreement with what Redd Velvet had to say. Some said that it was interesting, while others said that it wast interesting, but they didn’t agree.

Of course this isn’t a shock, since we were given a mind and free will, we don’t all have to agree. And that is ok, though I did find it curious that some of the commenters did not agree, I do not knock them for it. After all, we are allowed to voice our opinions. Because I was curious as to why they did not agree, I started thinking. This wasn’t a man telling women to be completely submissive to their man, or that she better have his drink and food ready when he walked in the door, like this was the 50’s.

I am pretty sure that if this had been a man, this would have been shot down as a typical man being misogynistic who probably has issues with women. No, this is an older woman sharing advice that she has heard from her men followers and advice that she has learned throughout her life with her fellow women that she herself subscribes to. It seemed to me that those that disagreed were doing the very thing Redd Velvet advised against, they made it about them. How would you like it if you told someone how you like to be treated and that person says I don’t agree with it?

What she was saying didn’t seem all that demanding or hard to do; as a matter of fact it seems like common sense to me. I’m sure that both men and women would like to be treated the way that Velvet instructs her subscribers. Now, I won’t make this about women rather than about people in general. As much as we like to believe that we are treating our s/o they way they like to be treated all the time, the reality is that that might not be the case. When dealing with the other person, we normally make it about us; doing for or to them what we think is best. A lot of times neglecting to find out from the other person everything that we need to know so that we can make sure that they are not only good, but are happy.

I know no one wants to admit this, we like think that we are making the other person happy, but often times without regard for the other person. Hell, it took this clip for me to admit to myself, as much as I like to think that everything that I do for Mrs. Breazy makes her happy, she probably has a different story. Think about it, how many times has your s/o told you what they liked, or wish that you would do, only to be met with inaction even though you sat there and shook your head and told them that you would. What was the reason you didn’t do what they asked of you? Was it because you didn’t agree with what they were asking? Could it be, you never got around to it? Or, assuming what they were asking wasn’t to hard to do, you just didn’t want to? All of these reasons are signs that you are not putting your significant other’s needs and wants before your own.

What do you think? Do you think Redd Velvet was wrong in some of the examples that she gave? Do you agree? If not, why? Do you think that I am off base, with my assessment of treating the person you are with right?

Talk to me, I’ll talk back.

Breazy Baisden.

5 thoughts on “It Aint About You!

    1. This wasn’t suppose to be a battle of the sexes post. I don’t think it’s fair to say either of the two sexes does this more, since it’s all subjective. If you ask me I would say women have an issue with this more, but that would be generalizing and it wouldn’t be fair.

      As much as you think your not selfish, I’m pretty sure there is an ex somewhere that would say differently. The being is with both sexes are selfish, I do think that it’s nearly impossible to love completely selfish. This doesn’t make us bad people but we have a tendency to project ourselves unto the other person.

  1. As a person with a very short dating history, I can honestly tell you, I made it all about them all the time and was left with nothing. They told me what they wanted and as they sat by, I tried to build what they said they wanted from the ground up by myself, only for them to sit on it and tell me it wasn’t enough. I’m not going to do that anymore.

    What I think is that an effort has to be matched. If I’m making an effort for him and he’s not making one for me, that would make me think he wasn’t as in it as I was. Equal or greater effort would just make me strive to be even better for him.

    In short, selflessness has gotten me nowhere in the past, so I don’t believe in it anymore. Equality is now my aim.

    1. Equality is how it should be, I don’t think that that’s asking too much. If the other person isn’t making an effort to try and at least match you, then an executive decision needs to be made.

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