Being the people watcher that I am, I’ve noticed that what’s good for the goose, isn’t good necessarily for the gander; whatever the hell that means, and we are not all in the same gang. I’ve done extensive research and shit, meaning I read Jet magazine, and I realize there are certain things that certain groups of people just don’t do. On the contrary, it would make sense to others, but common sense isn’t common, and my President is Black and my Lambo is blue. For example, white people don’t season their chicken, Mexicans don’t have car insurance, and blacks don’t stick together. Oh wait, did he just go there? Cry me a river.
Well, I’ve created a list of certain things that women just don’t do. Yes, that’s right, this certain group that we call women are very particular about what they will do and what they won’t do. Liken this to when they say, “but I don’t usually…” but where was I? Oh yeah, women are very strict in the things which they are willing to do, and what they aren’t willing to do. Have you ever tried to get a woman to crush pink cookies inside a plastic bag while “Aunt Flo” was visiting? No? Well neither have I, but I’d imagine it’s harder than convincing Shawty Lo to pull out. I’m talking about things like standing in lines.
For some reason, women view standing in lines as something that’s beneath them, and that they’re too important for such pettiness. To keep it one hundred thousand trillion, I don’t like standing in lines either. However, I realize that’s just the order of things sometimes, like Beyonce, then Kelly, and then those other throw away b*tches. I swear you’ll see women spend more time outside trying to skip the line on “GP” ( you know since they don’t do lines), than actually standing in line. This leads me to believe that it’s not the waiting, instead it’s the line that they don’t like. Again, I’m not a fan of standing in lines either, but I understand that it is vital sometimes to stand in line to get the things you want. Either that, or you could all just bat your eyes and use your secret weapons, the twins, Miki and Mallory.
So, this got me to thinking about other sh*t women won’t do unless it’s your birthday. Wait. What? Did he go there again? Hit ’em with tha hee:
1. Waiting for elevators.
I know women who will push hard the elevator arrow button for five or six times, because they don’t want to wait for it to go up or come back down. It’s as if trying to break the arrow button will make the elevator stop in the middle of its current direction, because you are impatient.
2. Waiting at cross walks.
This is another example of women trying to break buttons. I’ve seen women press the walk button hard and repeatedly (that’s what she said) for 30 seconds straight, because once again, they don’t like to wait for the traffic signals to go through its natural progression. I don’t know, but maybe they think doing this is going to make the lights change quicker.
3. Cold leather seats in the winter.
“I’ll be damned waiting for the car to warm up”, says the women I know. They have or want a car with heated seats because either it sends a tingling sensation down their spines, or it warms their hearts and vajayjays. Besides, I’d imagine that it’s not a good look to have a cold down there.
Maybe it’s the calories or the smell, but most who I know don’t like beer. There are a few exceptions, though, because I’ve noticed that female beer drinkers can be characterized as more laid back, fun to be around, and are like “one of the boys.” While, on the otherhand, beer can be too manly for those who sip refinely their Cosmopolitans (less the pinky finger in the air) and are usually AKA’s, or just plain sadity.
Anyhoo, what are other things that women don’t do, even though you know they probably do? Can you think of things that men don’t do, even though you know we probably do?
Talk to me, I’ll talk back.
Breazy the Narrator.