You Might Be a Jumpoff, if…

You know since I’m a helpful guy, sharing is caring and Breazy loves the kids. I thought I’d help all of the unsuspecting side pieces out there or Jumpoffs as they are commonly known. I don’t know how they don’t know they are the Jumpoff, maybe the are delusional or just in denial, whatever the case may be I am willing to help them know where they stand or lie, you know what I mean.

Now I know when you hear the term Jumpoff the term is usually used when referring to women, but I am here to let you know boo boo that you would be wrong in this line of thinking. You see Jumpoff has taking on a whole new meaning within the last 4 or 5 years, as more and more women are Thug Misses – damn Khia and putting their pimp hand down just like Goldy, or is it Goldiene? Basically relegating men to jumpoff status just like their male counterparts.

And again since sharing is caring and shit, I think I’ll kick the truth to the young black youth and help you determine whether you are the franchise player or Cassie – the team’s mascot. So don’t say I never did anything for you, I’, just trying to help you dispute discrepancies on your jumpoff report, just call me Equifax for recreational p*ssy/d*ck.

They honk when the come to pick you up.

No player/playette wants to be caught coming out of your house with you in tow, so to avoid all of that, all you get is two honks and a call.

Dinner and movie is actually Digiorno and Netflix

Cheap dates consisting of “blockbuster night”s and carry out food are part of the jumpoff starter kit. If you are patient and lucky enough you can upgrade to a 2 for $20 from Applebees but only if you wait in the car while he/she picks it up.

You Haven’t Met The Homies – ladies

If you haven’t met the drinking and smoking homies, either you smashed them, look like Forest Whitaker or you’re right behind the “weed carrier” in terms of importance.

You Don’t Come Around The Crib – You don’t want to see the pics of the family around, do you? So those “blockbuster nights” take place at your place or Motel 8 – we’ll keep the light on for you.

First ballot jumpoff Hall of Fame inductee.
First ballot jumpoff Hall of Fame inductee.

They’re Not On Facebook – It’s harder to get caught up if they’re not tagged with you at the motel.

You Get Shade And You Don’t Know Why – When other women/men start mugging you with the Shabba Ranks face and whispering about you and you have no clue, you’re not the main one, you’re the test drive and UOENO it.

Let’s keep this between us… or don’t tell anyone.

If you hear this, you’re a secret and I don’t mean Victoria’s, It’s harder to be associated with you, if no one knows you exist like Ciara’s career.

That’s it, I think I fulfilled my civic duty this post. Did I miss any other examples to let you know if you are the main course or the side dish?

Talk to me, I’ll talk back.

Breazy Tha Snowman.

7 thoughts on “You Might Be a Jumpoff, if…

  1. Ha! Digiorno’s and Netflix. I love her sense of humor in this article. I wonder do girls realizes they are jumpoffs or are they ok with it?

    And as far as signs, you nailed them on the head!

  2. The following items are indicators that someone is in the “jump-off” category:
    • never mentioned her to family members.
    • never invited to family functions.
    • To quote Star and Buckwild regarding Tila Tequila, “You’re a blastoff at 3:00am in the morning.”
    • not considered in vacation or holiday plans
    • don’t know the last name of the person you’re smashing.

    1. I forgot about no knowing the last name. What about not being able to find/contact the person for hours at a time. Instead of going to family house for Holidays, they bring you a plate back. And like you said the only time you get a call is between the witching hour and dawn.

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