There are a few words in the English dictionary that by themselves, can have a crippling and negative effect on our actions with others, as well as our progression. If put together, some of these words can stunt our growth, stop our progress, and make us feel as if we are in a self-formed prison. Words like, I can’t, have been known to keep us from growing, moving on, forgiving and forgetting.
For some reason, an invisible force field is activated around us when I and can’t are placed together. This limits our movement in the right direction and is likened to an emotional ball and chain with an electroshock therapy rolled into one. Saying, I can’t, is almost like looking in the mirror and saying five times, “Candyman”; it’s dangerous and can kill us.Couple I can’t with an emotional heartache, and if we allow it, then it could be a recipe for disaster. We can’t forgive or grow if we refuse to let go of painful baggage; we trick ourselves into believing that we can’t move on. Often, when talking to people who I know have been hurt by a loved one, I hear them say things like, “I don’t know if I can forgive, let go, or move forward,” whether it’s a family member, friend or spouse. I wonder, then why don’t you? I do understand that it is easier for some than it is for others; and I realize also that people handle and process differently their painful situations. But, what I don’t understand, is why the person chooses purposely to hold on to the pain?
We all have a choice to be happy, so why would you continue to hold onto something that makes you unhappy? I’m not sure if people realize they are doing it, but it is like a self-inflicted wound when dwelling on the past instead of the present and the future, or not moving on while the other person has. I wonder if people do this because it’s the only thing left that keeps them attached to the other person, or if they just like being miserable?
Often, I ask a few questions when people say, “I can’t let go”. “Why?” “And what would be so bad if you did?” “Would forgiving the other person kill you?” “Would letting go make you more miserable than you already are?” If the answer is, “no”, to any of these questions, then not letting go is less about not being able to, but more of a choice. Not only are you choosing literally to let the situation have power over you, but you are choosing also to be miserable. I don’t know, maybe people prefer to be miserable or maybe they like playing the victim role. It’s by their own doing, whatever the case may be.
Think about it, did your life end when you reached the point of letting go and actually let go (note: wanting to and doing are two different things)? Did the earth stop spinning? No. Hopefully, you were relieved and ready to pick up the pieces and move on, while being the survivor that you are.
I know this is easier said than done. It may be easier for me than it is for some, but you can’t heal unless you think you can. Until then, you are going to be a slave to I can’t and pain. Wanting to is not enough, you have to do. It takes effort, just like putting one step before the other when you learned to walk. Take it from Breazy, I ain’t going to bullshit you.
What do you think? Is I can’t a defense mechanism or an excuse for not letting go? Or am I just putting too much into this? I’d like to hear what you think.
Talk to me, I’ll talk back.