You know, when I’m not being the most interesting blogger on the Internet, or saving the world by throwing holy water on every lace front that I see (I seriously think that lace fronts are vampire attack dogs), or tripping people on the escalator who can’t grasp the idea of stand to the right, walk to the left, I’m an odd person – no Tyler the Creator, or am I? Hell, I don’t know.
Shocking I know, but I embrace my oddness. I wonder if Kanye does, while he’s making songs about picking cotton and yelling at nobody in particular, or whatever he talked about in Black Skinheads. Well, because I am odd, I felt that I would be doing the world a great injustice if I didn’t share with you some of my odd traits. So kick off your shoes and relax your feet and party on down to the Xscape beat and just kick it, as I present to you Breazy’s oddness.
1. I count.
I’m like the Black Rain Man, but instead of repeating continuously, “Who’s on First?, I count continuously in my head. I count everything from the steps I take when I walk, to the number of seconds in between exit signs on the highway. I count even the number of stairs in my house; by the way, there are 20 in all. It’s hard to stop once I start counting. I lose sleep sometimes because of counting; my mind won’t shut off.
2. Hitch is one of my favorite movies.
Truth be told, I am not a fan of “chick flicks” or “date movies,” but Hitch is the lone exception. I have seen Hitch so many times, that I can recite almost verbatim the whole movie. I apply even to my real life some of the lessons that Will Smith’s character taught to Kevin James’s character. I can not only recite, but I can act out the scene when Will Smith was teaching Kevin James to two-step while keeping his elbows in, and slapping him for what Kevin thought was dancing but wasn’t actually.
3. I like potpourri.
I know this is nothing new to some of you, but for those of you that don’t know, I like potpourri. My mother has had an affinity for potpourri and have always spreaded it throughout our houses. I’ve grown so accustomed to the smell of potpourri that I’ve developed a liking to it myself.
4. I iron a crease in my khakis.
You might say it’s “the west in me”, but the only way I’ll wear khakis is if they have ironed in them a sharp crease. I’ll iron a crease in my Dickies using Niagra spray starch and when I’m feeling real “Boyz-N-Tha Hoodish“, then I’ll put my Dickies under the mattress and leave them over night after I’ve ironed them, so they can get that sharp penitentiary crease. And to set it off, I’ll rock cuffs at the bottom.
5. I pick my scabs.
This may be more gross than odd, but I like picking scabs and popping bumps so that I can see the puss ooze out. I don’t know why, but ever since I was a child I’ve picked my scabs. I would never let my wounds heal properly from having picked the scabs. I can’t help it, but I continue to do it even though I know picking scabs leaves scars.
These are just a few examples of the odd things that I do. I could share more, but I don’t want y’all to think that I sit around with a bra on my head playing Dungeons and Dragons. I’m interested in knowing what are some of the odd things that you do, if you’re not afraid to share.
Talk to me, I’ll talk back.
Breazy the Narrator.