She Just Wants To Have Fun, Without Being Held To A Higher Standard: Big Hair Problems

Are there certain types of looks that cause you to have assumptions about a person? For Instance, when I see a guy wearing an Ed Hardy T-shirt and skinny jeans, I automatically assume he’s a Chris Brown backup dancer, or an actor getting into character to play Leroy from Fame. We all have our assumptions that are based off, or on, something. Maybe we came across three people with a certain look and assumed the other 40 billion people with the same look are the same – just like all the Lil Wayne clones walking around DC. Seriously, I swear, 1 out of every 3 males in DC wears dreads and yeast infection jeans.

I'm soul
I’m soul

Don’t mind me, I’m just dreaming, but one of my past assumptions was about women with big hair who wear head wraps, and the men that love them. Every time I saw a woman with big hair I thought of Isis from X-Clan (remember them) and “Beautiful Black Woman, Mother of the Earth, Queen of the Universe” comes to mind – word to Fudge. Women whose hair is so big that it comes equipped with a black leather jacket, a shotgun and is endorsed by a right on. This does not apply to women who just left the beauty salon only to be smacked with humidity as soon as stepping outside, but the natural sista who shops only at Whole Foods and makes her own clothes.

I realize that I was generalizing when I used to say that all women with big hair  wore head wraps; I couldn’t help it, I’m from Denver. The only time we saw women like this was on TV or at the Juneteenth celebration. Yes, we have Juneteenth in Denver, which is strange because Colorado never had slaves. What’s even more strange is we have Bloods and Crips in Denver, so these would be the same women during the year rocking ponytails, braids, dollar store locs, Dickies jeans and starter bomber coats; and, depending on what hood they were from, a certain color – damn you gotta love a multi-faceted woman. Oh, but because of TV’s influence, I assumed all women who wore their hair big was on some back to Africa shit, smoked weed and kept a yearly supply of incense.

So I placed all natural haired women in a box. I assumed they all were poetic and artsy. You couldn’t tell me that natural haired women wearing head wraps didn’t all congregate in coffeehouses, attending open mic poetry sessions where the audience snapped their fingers and shit, after each poet was finished. Or, didn’t live in an upstairs loft of an art gallery, so that they could be close to their favorite pieces by their favorite artists who no one but them even f^cking knows. Some people equate crack with Chris Rock (pookie), I equate poetry and art with Rashida.

The only music they listen to is neo-soul. I assumed neo-soul was the siren call for natural haired sistas, so I assumed. I often gave the side eye to the Nefertiti’s of the world  when I saw them dropping it like it’s hot to “Pop That”, WTF? Didn’t they know, no self-respecting, blunt smoking, dashiki and cloth dress wearing sista should be caught dead listening to Top 40 music? Give me a sista who only listened to Kem’s boring ass and I’m straight.

Their “smell good” is body oils. I would be distraught if I saw Sista Souljah in Macy’s buying Chanel no. 9. As a matter of fact, if I saw this, I would have probably thrown her a bottle of Frankincense and Myrrh and a salad (because you know all natural haired sistas are vegetarians or vegans) and asked, “have you no shame?”

Vegetarians. It’s an unwritten rule that those of the headwrap are vegetarians. If it didn’t come from the Garden of Eden or Whole Foods, then it’s not natural.

Rail against twerking – see above. I would give you the supersized O_o if I saw Afeni all done up in a table cloth dress a la Erkyah Badu (On and On video), smelling of body oils and wearing henna tattoos while twerking and doing Chinese splits to Bandz A Make Her Dance. By the way, why are they even called Chinese Splits? Why not Ethiopian splits? And this isn’t fair, I know, she should be able to enjoy herself just as anyone else, without being held to a higher standard because of her hair and Ankh necklace.

When it’s all said and done, all big haired women really want is real love, she’s searching for a real love, someone to set her heart free and to be able to drop down and get her eagle on without being judged. Can a big haired sista live?

Can you dig it? Are big haired women problems real, or are my past assumptions off based? If so, what are they? Also, I’m interested in reading about some of your assumptions based off looks that you have seen.

Talk to me, I’ll talk back.

Breazy B. Ware.

21 thoughts on “She Just Wants To Have Fun, Without Being Held To A Higher Standard: Big Hair Problems

  1. With every post I relive the 90s… and late 80s. It is true natural haired women are assumed to be of a different standard. For many Black women conquering her hair issues is huge, that leads to a different lifestyle and a new level self acceptance. But that does not mean a naturalista will never get her twerk on, lol. Great post, as always.

    1. I admit I’m guilty of holding natural haired women on an imaginary pedestal, I’m telling you when I see one all done up, I think of N’buse Wright’s character from Dead Presidents.

  2. LOL I found this very true. When you wear your hair to revel in your *blackness* it’s only natural for people to assume certain things about you. I’m an afro queen, i love neo-soul (kem IS boring..but you MUST admit he has a few good songs), poetry clubs. I fantasize about my life being JUST like Love Jones except I’m happily married, LOVE wholefoods..are pretty carnivorous, and we live a jazzy neo-soul life and love God. Loved the post (: Big Hair Problems…they are real, but nothing that keep me up at night. *Cue Jill Scott* We’re too busy living our lives like it’s Golden. ❤

    1. Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you didn’t take offense, I know some people don’t have a sense of humor. Yeah coming from Denver in the 80’s you didn’t see black women that look like this a lot and if we did, we thought she was visiting from out of town lol. Since stereotypes are based off some reality I’ve come across natural sista like this, and I’ve come across women with big haired more ratchet than a 2Chainz video casting call. It’s all in good humor though.

  3. Guilty as charged! I love all types of music but I do give preferential treatment to certain genres of music because that is my right as an individual. I have always been a fan of big hair, always thought N’Bushe Wright was gorgeous in Dead Presidents.

    Back in 1999 my favorite hairstyle was the big arse pontytail on top that had to be gelled and microwaved for the big curl effect. Going natural was a natural progression for me, had I been privy to all the information that only hit the internets recently…I would have been rocking this big bush MUCH earlier in life. Now with all that said, yes I have come across some a-holes who have given me grief for my of love fried chicken, TUPAC, and tattoos. But honestly only one person has been bold enough to go there with me. I know for me personally that all the natural haired sistas I know are unique individuals not confined to any box.

    1. You know I have no problems with you liking 2pac. These past assumptions were based off of me living somewhere where we are so few. And seeing something that I was use to shaped my assumptions.

  4. Hey Breazy! I love your post of your assumptions! One thing us big haired natural ladies don’t fit in and that is a BOX! I love my big hair and all big hair on ladies and men! To me it means you can be yourself. I am a lover of Jesus Christ, love contemporary Christian music, love to read African centered history books, named my kids middle names, Asante, Songhai and Mali. I have no tattoos, don’t smoke, former vegetarian, and I don’t know who Kem is. I don’t make assumptions I ask people and let them share who they are. But that is just me! God Bless You and Happy Blogging!

  5. LOL! Your first paragraph cracked me up. smh at you. I think at first sistahs with natural hair that entered rooms on clouds of incense and body oils, were THAT type of woman. Earthy, poetic, decorated their houses with African giraffe statues and cheetah paintings. But, now? Not so much. Women are going natural for various reasons and the ones I’ve come across are by no means like what I listed above. They’ve just changed their hair preference, that’s all. Black women have never fit into one box. It’s nice to see we can embrace our versatility.

    1. As I got older I realized that women particularly of the head wrap boob can be placed in a box. Like I said coming from Denver where we are so few my opinions were stereo typically based off what I saw on TV.

  6. Yes, that old time saying you can’t judge a book by its cover is so true. An important lesson I learned is, you will never know who could possible become a great friend or at least have a good conversation with if you keep judging a book by its cover. I made a few awesome friends of who dont dress or look like me.

    1. As I got older I understood this, it’s just coming from somewhere where there aren’t many people that look like me and then seeing something you’re not use to, it kind of shapes your opinion.

  7. One assumption I make about them is they probably more likely to be into me than a black woman with other hair style philosophies: straightening, or braids or whatever. BUT damn if they don’t ALL wanna get with me. Oh well, they’re still the safe bet in my line of work. So I’ll keep throwin game at em anyway.

    Funny ass article too man, but a good challenge to people to analyze themselves. We make a lot of judgements.

    Hahah but why don’t I have an Avi on my name? Oh well…

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