They Fighting In The Club.

He didn't really want to put them paws on him.
He didn’t really want to put them paws om him.
Have you ever been to a club, lounge, barmitzvah, circus, strip club or sporting event and a fight or another act of random violence broke out? You might have thought the two hood rats with paw print tattoos and lace fronts, fighting over some dude name Jakwon (- e’ry body get tipsy) was random. Or maybe the dude wearing a fitted cap and wife beater who just started fighting with the dude with a pocket square and sunglasses on at night, happened without warning.

Chances are, neither one of these acts happened randomly or without warning; chances are you didn’t pay attention to the signs. Especially if the random act of violence or fight happens at a black owned establishment or around a lot of black people, there will be more warning signs than stretch marks on Rick Ross.

Speaking of which, ladies do you ever get jealous that Rick Ross feels so confident and free with his body that he has no problem showing off his throw some D’s on the b*tch? That’s something that’s been on my mind for a while.

Sorry y’all, I often drift… I know that has nothing to do with Joseline’s “Mi Colta” – which, by the way is the worst thing since Lil Mama, shots fired – They shooting. Anywhoo, I thought I’d do my civic duty and compile a list of warning signs to look out for while you are out and about, to help you not end up on World Star Hip Hop looking like an extra in the Beat It video.

1. On my ___ (insert example)

I’m not sure why before a fight breaks out one of the parties involved will say “On my Mama” or “On my hood”, as if it’s some pre-fight prayer or chant that will give him/her strength.

2. Taking off a shirt/jewelry

I don’t know if wearing a shirt or jewelry limits range of motion when throwing punches, but what I do know is that if you are concerned with fashion before a fight, you don’t really want to fight.

3. Half the dance floor empties

It’s common knowledge that black folks run at the first sign of danger, whether the danger is real or not. So if you see black people running, you should take heed and run too.

4. More women then men

This really isn’t a bad thing if you’re a man, but could lead to complications later. Any time women are present, there are haters present, and when there are haters present, you can expect tempers to fly quicker than Beyonce’s weave in a fan. Men will show off in front of women and will try to prove how hard they are (that’s what she said). Basically turning any function with more women than men into a sausage fest fast.

5. Happy hour specials and free before 10:00

Two drinks for the price of one, broke people, and rushing to get in free is a recipe for disaster. People who can only afford drinks before 7:00 or to get in places for free usually will show their ass once the drinks run out or if they can’t get in. They are also the ones you have to watch for who’ll leave after getting kicked out and coming back to shoot the windows out.

Honorable mentions: Any song by Lil John circa 2002 -2006
Tear Da Club Up – 3 6 Mafia
If you’re the West – Any song with rep your hood, throw your hood up, or song that calls out sides (i.e West Side, East Side, South Side, North Side).

These are just some examples that, if followed could probably save you from being an innocent victim while out with friends. Can you think of any more?

Talk to me, I’ll talk back.


9 thoughts on “They Fighting In The Club.

  1. As a veteran of the club for years I was able to tune my listening to be on alert for signals. It was like a Spidey sense. Whenever I heard, “Bish, naw you didn’t”, “Bish that is my (seat, man, weave, dress)” or the equally explosive “Bish, what you looking at, you aint gonna do nothing”, I knew it was time to leave or at minimum head in direction opposite of the statement being made.

  2. I no longer attend establishments where a hint of that would go down. I’d hate to see two jazz enthusiasts get it in and break something (not someone’s jaw…but their own hip!).

  3. True story…I’m up in a club with my peeps in CT and we noticed two sets of Latin gangs eye balling each other. One set had a dude with crutches. Fast forward to the let out, I’m posted outside while one of my boys is skirt chasing and me and my roommate notice “Crutch Dude” now has one crutch. Immediately we start walking and sure enough one of “Crutch Dude”‘s homies has the other and cocks back and “Barry Bonds” one of their rivals. Me and my roommate already down the block and our boy comes up and says “why y’all didn’t say something?” Negro you skirt chasing so bad you didn’t peep the scenery, that’s on you!!!

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