If you had to sit back
and take notes while I take tokes of the marijuana smoke, gun smoke, gun smoke and guess whether or not you are ratchet, on a scale of 1 to Stebie J facial expressions? Where would you rate yourself? No one wants to admit they are ratchet maybe because they’re in denial or they don’t want people to know that they listed Lil Boosie’s greatest hits or a $50 gift card to Rainbow on their wedding registry. Either way, whether we want to admit it or not we all have a little Ratchet in us.
So for those of you that don’t know your tipping the ratchet scale towards Joseline Hernadez speech classes or where you stand, I compiled a list to help you come to grips with your inner ratchet. I wrote a song about it, like to heart it? Here it go. I present to you Breazy’s “Get yo life” Ratchet Test.
1. If you are still riding around in a box Chevy caprice with spinning hubcaps from AutoZone, you my friend are nostalgic ratchet.
2. You refer to Kool-Aid by the color instead of the flavor.
3. Your wedding has a dress code, because you “know how your cousins get”.
4. Your family has to make excuses for you never being at family functions because you are always locked up – you’re Shaw shank Redemption ratchet.
5. Your picture is on the wall behind the cashier’s booth at a club or lounge, to let all the bouncers know not to let you in because you were kicked out last week for stabbing the bartender who shorted you on a Hennessy shot.
6. You have your graduation dinner at IHOP.
7. You use an iron to heat your ham and cheese sandwich – you are institutionalized ratchet.
8. Weed is budgeted as a monthly expense along with the bills.
9. Your cars paint job cost more than your rent.
10. The only time you are on time for anything is free before 10.
11. The clubs that you go, dress code is White-T’s, Air Force 1’s and grills.
If any of these applies to you, you my friend are ratchet or your from the Magnolia projects. Either way you belong in the ratchet hall of fame with the likes of Chris Brown, Lil Boosie’s barber and Mama Dee.
That’s it, I can’t think of any more examples. Do you have any examples of grade A ratchetness you would like to share?
Talk to me, I’ll talk back.
A Pimp Named Breazy.