Infatuation or Love?

Do you know the difference?
Do you know the difference?
Today’s post comes Darryl Frierson, who is a blogger from St. Louis. Darryl is the owner and writer at http://www.ashy2classy.net and hosts a weekly podcast tilted Straight Outta Lo Cash (http://straightolc.podbean.com/). You can find him on twitter @Diggame. Let’s show him and love and give me a soul clap.

Have you ever been totally enthralled with someone and began to feel that you may be in love with the person? The question is how do you know if you truly are in love with this person or it is just infatuation?

Most human beings have an inner desire to love and to be loved. Some people may hoot and holler that they don’t need love but we all want some kind of affection and feeling of self-worth. Many people find this love by giving and service to people. Others find this love by being there for family and friends. But, the way that most people search for this love connection is through romantic relationships.

We constantly search for that “one” person who we can love and truly love us. This journey for this love has many winding turns and bumpy roads. We go through this journey being hurt and inflicting hurt. There are so many questions to be asked about why we do what we do when it comes to relationships. Many of the things we do within relationships are innately apart of us through. These experiences come from our parental upbringing all the way the pretty girl in high school who may have dissed us in front of the school assembly.

What is Infatuation?

There is a difference in feelings, when we are infatuated as opposed to being in love. Some of the “symptoms” of infatuation are; feelings of panic, uncertainty, overpowering lust, feverish excitement, impatience, and/or jealously. When infatuated, we are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious. There are lingering, nagging doubts about our partner in infatuation and their love for us. We’re miserable when they’re away, almost like we’re not complete unless we’re with them. It’s a rush and it’s intense. It’s difficult to concentrate. And most infatuation relationships have a high degree of sexual charge around them. Somehow being with them is not complete unless it ends in some type of sexual encounter.

We as people many times flow from relationship to relationship constantly taking on more baggage on to or soul due to the failures of past relationships. The true thing one has to think about in concerns of knowing if you are infatuated with someone or truly in love is self-consciousness.

Think about it like this, have you ever broken up with someone and instead of sitting back reflecting on who you are as a person…you jump right back into another relationship? Have you really thought about who you are as a person and who you are after that relationship? Many of us don’t realize this and feel that if we find someone else to hold us at night then our problems will be solved. Jumping directly into a relationship is not the way to escape oneself, it is the worst thing you can do. Relationships are a mirror and your negative characteristics will reflect. So in essence if you are running away from yourself, then going into a relationship is the last thing you need to do.

Love itself is hard to definitively hold on too because everyone has different levels and ideals of love.  Dr. Gary Chapman with his world renown books “The 5 Love Languages” writes that we all love in different ways and that the way to understand true love is to understand how we love and how others love. The five ways of loving are:

  • Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not forgotten easily.

  • Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

  • Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

  • Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

  • Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

As you can see the way we love can in some many ways with so

many reactions. Learning more about oneself and the aspect of love will begin to help one differentiate between infatuation and real love. This infatuation can make us become as crazy as a patient in “One Who Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. We have to be more in tune with who we are and be able to recognize truly what we need from love and not what we want from love. As soon as we find out about how we Love and want to be loved we can begin to find if we are in love are just “infatuated” with a person. With all the distractions and manipulator images in the world we need self-reflection more than ever because if we don’t we continuously get swallowed into the abyss called Infatuation instead of finding real love.

Speak on It….What is Your Experience With Love and Infatuation?

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12 thoughts on “Infatuation or Love?

  1. Really enjoyed the post. There are so many ways to express love and the important thing is to show the person love they way they want to be loved.

  2. I love this piece, it is not merely infatuation! Thank you for putting it into words so clearly.

    Too bad there is not a way to tell the difference early on in a relationship. It can be tough coming to the realization that one person was infatuated while the other was in love. Do we miss or ignore the warning signs?

    My Love language is totally a combo of Quality Time and Acts of Service. With the right combination all things are possible!

  3. Very good piece, Darryl! Too many people have ruined their lives because they didn’t critically explore what true, real love is. A piece like this moves us forward in helping others to avoid foolishly falling prey to false love.

  4. All of us have a different love language.Finding love to me means connecting with someone who is singing your love song. It is a melody that you never get tired of hearing.

  5. I enjoyed reading your wisdom. I’m thrilled that you included the Five Love Languages. I love the books and Mr. Chapman’s wisdom on the various ways we love. I wish more people would recognize how important it is to really know who you are loving so that you can really meet their needs.

  6. I’m one of those people who swear that they were in love four times, and looking back, it clearly wasn’t. Question- do you think there can be a type of infatuation without the “lust” factor?

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