Evading Mentally Enslaving Marriages.

black-man-frustrated-with-woman[1]Today’s post comes from Corner Politics commenter and fellow blogger Antonio Maurice Daniels. He is a Ph.D. student and Research Associate in Education at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. He blogs regularly at Revolutionary Paideia. Follow him on Twitter @paideiarebel. Since this is his first time here, give him a soul clap and show him love.

When you marry someone, you should truly commit yourself to him or her. While you should never allow your marriage to become enslavement, you should honor your spouse. One of the primary reasons why such a significant number of marriages end in divorce is that honor is often absent. I’ve often mentioned that at the core of most relationship problems is a failure of communication. When you no longer honor your spouse, it’s time for you to have a serious discourse with him or her. If you really respect your spouse, you will not constantly do things that are dishonorable to him or her.

As human beings, we’ve all made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes. Human beings are imperfect—despite what some recklessly arrogant people believe. We shouldn’t, therefore, fear making mistakes. Once we make a mistake, we need to learn the lesson(s) that the mistake teaches us. For example, when your spouse forgives you for cheating, you shouldn’t go back out and cheat on him or her again. When this occurs, this means you didn’t take time to contemplate your previous mistake in a solemn manner. Think about how much emotional pain cheating causes your spouse and the equal amount of emotional pain one has to endure to forgive his or her spouse.

Unfortunately, too many men and women have an enslavement mindset about their marriage. By enslavement mindset, I mean they adopt a philosophy about their marriage that no matter what happens in the marriage, it shouldn’t end and they should do whatever is requested or demanded. When you’re constantly being lied to, cheated on, and abused, it’s time for you to think critically about severing ties with your spouse. Many women feel like they have to stay with their husbands because they depend on them for economic survival. This is one of the great dangers of not seeking your own economic independence. If a wife doesn’t seek her own economic independence, she’s likely to feel compelled to stay with her husband no matter what occurs. Many wives considering divorcing their husbands wrestle with the following questions: (1) How will I pay for a place to live, (2) How will I be able to pay for food to eat, (3) How will I be able to afford transportation, etc.

Before you adopt an enslavement mindset in your marriage, consider the many consequences. You don’t ever want to experience the tremendous sense of despair that results from feeling eternally trapped by a man or woman. This is why you must make sure you have sufficient money available to you outside of what your husband or wife has. One shouldn’t sit at home and always depend on his or her spouse’s check. The harsh reality is you have to get out of the house and work. If you’re making much less than your husband or wife, ask him or her to allow you to save more of your money. You don’t need to disclose your specific reasoning, but it’s essential that you have a “rainy day fund” available to you.

You married an equal—not a master. You shouldn’t, therefore, subject yourself to doing every little thing your spouse desires for you to do. For example, if you’re a married woman and you do everything for you husband and he still treats you like trash, you need to stop catering to this man’s every request and/or command. He doesn’t deserve the things you’re doing for him. When you allow a man or woman to keep mistreating you, you open the door for him or her to never stop. This can ultimately lead him or her to believe it’s okay to view and treat you like a slave, which, of course, means that he or she will feel like it’s okay to beat you. Physical enslavement starts with mental enslavement. You have to be careful that you’re not adopting an enslavement mindset that subjects you to physical enslavement.

Love yourself enough to avoid and/or discontinue being treated as a slave in your marriage.

Do you think some marriages share similarities with slavery? Do you know someone or have you been in a marriage where the husband or wife was treated like a slave? What advice would you offer to someone being exploited by his or her spouse?

8 thoughts on “Evading Mentally Enslaving Marriages.

  1. This is so true. We should love our spouse, but we should not put up with anything and everything. In the end that is not love, but enabling their bad behavior. They deserve better from us. Really enjoyed the post.

    1. I’m really glad that you enjoyed the piece. You’re right, when marriages begin to mirror slavery, they’re no longer institutions based on love. It takes both individuals in a marriage working together to ensure that love and respect are always among the top priorities in their union. Thanks for reading the article and your response.

    2. Being an enabler is doing you and your spouse a disservice. Letting them think they can walk all over you will lead to further “walking over” and lead to hate and resentment.

  2. This is very true. Unfortunately , when you are “IN” this situation it is difficult to recognize you are being abused.Reaching out for help often is beyond the scope of a lot of people,especially if there are children involved.

    1. I very much understand what you’re saying. A person has to muster the courage to stop it from occurring when it’s identified as abuse, however. Too often people have become so accustomed to abuse that they don’t even recognize abuse when they see and experience it, which, of course, is quite sad.

  3. Good post. And I agree with Jsenn001, a lot of people in those situations don’t realize the mental harm their spouse is dishing out. Or the harm they are doing to themselves and possible their children by creating such a unloving and confusing environment.

    1. This is why we have to use a piece like this one to raise people’s consciousness about themselves. An article like this one can cause us to start doing self-examinations in our relationships, ultimately leading to healthier, more loving relationships. We can become more conscious about the things we do when we start to contemplate in a serious manner how we treat our spouse or partner. Great relationships are based on love and great communication. Those in relationships, therefore, should have candid and respectful discourses about how each member in the relationship is treating the other.

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