Unconditional Love.

unconditional-love_feaef__800xx[1]So I was watching Antwoine Fisher, which happens to be my favorite movie of all time. This is ironic within itself, because even though it is my favorite movie of all time, it scares me. It scares me to the point that I can only watch it every three or so years and it makes me cry every time. The reason why it scares me is because it hits too close to home, like “kicks open the door, waving the 44, all you heard was Papa don’t hit me no more”, close.

You see, I am adopted, and while I didn’t have the rough upbringing and abandonment issues that Antwoine had, I know how it is to meet a mother who in one way or another turned her back on you. My mother didn’t turn her back on me after meeting me, but it took my grandmother scolding her and me being in town 3 days of a 5 day trip for her to meet me.

I did however talk to her on the phone before meeting. During the phone conversation, she flat-out told me that she didn’t want to meet me, which I respected. I don’t want to be a burden to someone who doesn’t want to be burdened.

How we ended up meeting was less glamorous than how it is in the movies, unless that movie is Antwoine Fisher. My mother that raised me (who I refer to as my mother, not adopted) made a picture collage of me growing up so that I could give to my mother if we met (she wasn’t even supposed to be in town when I planned my visit home). Instead, I gave it to my grandmother who was beyond happy to get it, and she in turn gave it to my mother. So one day after dropping my biological brother off somewhere, I went to my grandmother’s assisted living home to see her and as I walked in to the lobby a woman held the door open for me. We both got on the elevator and as we are going up, she turns to me and says “you look just like you do in the pictures, I’m your mother” and then gave me a half ass hug. Now as you can imagine, my face is all O_o and my mind is cluttered to say the least. How do I respond? I started to feel some kind of way because I know the only reason she came to see me was because my grandmother scolded her. Well she is here now, so might as well make the most of it.

During the next two days we hung out (I wouldn’t call it bonding), and I realized that we had nothing in common except that we are both from Denver, and if I never saw her again I probably wouldn’t care because she is a liar. She gave me different reasons why I was the only one of her 3 children (the middle one) that she put up for adoption. I tried to tell her the lies weren’t needed, that I never resented her, nor was I angry. My parents always made sure that I had the love and affection that I needed, so I never once questioned “why me”?

So after all that, I also realized, you can’t choose your family. I am grateful for my mother making a selfless decision even if it was done selfishly. Because of her, I was able to receive all the attention, love, affection, and guidance that would probably make some biological children jealous. And I am also proof positive that you can have/receive unconditional love for anybody, whether they are related to you by blood, play cousin, step, half or biological. Oh by the way, I did cry while watching Antwoine Fisher.

Any thoughts or suggestions or maybe even your own story to tell?

Talk to me, I’ll talk back

Breazy Fisher.

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10 thoughts on “Unconditional Love.

  1. Thank for sharing that story Breazy. I can’t imagine having to deal with somthing like that, but I admire how you handled it and am glad you were able to grow up with all the love, affection, & guidance you deserved; despite your situation. Antwoine Fisher gets me a lttle teary-eyed too sometimes -great film though!!!

    1. Thank you for taking the time out to read and comment. I really appreciate it. You know it takes a lot for us men (well most of us) to cry and Antwoine Fisher does it for me. I actually got the idea for this post as well as to watch Antwoine Fisher from a friend of mine. He made a comment about loving his god son but people would tell him wait til you have your own. As if that would make him love is god son less.

  2. Wow, thanks for sharing this story. The AF movie is most definitely a tear jerker… how can you not love a boy who just wants to fit in and be loved?

    You are most certaily blessed to be able to be adopted and love like you are. Not many children get that.

    Did you go down there with the intent to meet her, or did you not care either way?

    1. Thank you for reading and commenting. After I found my family, which only took 2 months. It was reported that my mother was married to a trucker and was on the road. So I was just going to meet my brother, grandmother and whoever else was still living in Denver. What made my trip stress free was, I was going back home, so I’d be around familiar surroundings. Friends of my family as well as friends that I grew up were still there. So even if the trip went side ways I’d still be ok.

  3. Breazy, this is a story, unfortunately, is all to familiar in today’s society. I realize that writing is therapeutic, but it seems like you may need to talk to a professional about this so that they can help you really flush out all of your emotions and thoughts about this so that your past doesn’t negatively affect your future.

    I’m not making excuses for your birth mother, but can you imagine what must have been going on in her head to make her put up a child that she just gave birth to up for adoption? Regardless of the circumstances around how we got here, I believe that God has a plan for each and every life. The key is finding our purpose for being here before too much time has past.

    I have had the pleasure of meeting your parents, and from the collage that I saw, you had a damn good childhood filled with people who love you tremendously. And then there is the flip side of being put up for adoption. It just depends on which one you want to focus on because that will be what determines your future.

    Forgiveness is a powerful tool for both parties should you choose to use it. It frees you from being bound to the person that you are forgiving; a weird concept but it works.

    Peace!

    1. I honestly thank and love her, for what she did for me. The last time we talked it ened pretty badly but despite all of that I still love and respect her. Having animosity towards her would do nothing but hurt me and would prevent me from moving forward.

  4. Breazy,

    Thank you so much for blessing me with your story and visit to my page. Your story really touched me. I, too, cry every time I watch Antoine Fisher as it is one of my favorite movies, as well. You are so right in saying that we cannot choose our family. Oftentimes, I would think about how my father was never there and it really angered me to the point that it began to affect almost every other relationship in my life. It took the words of my mother telling me that I could live with how he turned his back on me or I could die with it, for me to let all of that go. I’m glad that I have gotten to a point of indifference when it comes to whether or not we have a relationship. It has freed me of all the anger and aggravation that I once held so close to me. I applaud you for the strength that you showed in meeting with your mother, and your family who gave you the love, nurturing and guidance that you so richly deserve. I truly pray for your continued happiness and blessings…

    Miss TL

    1. You’re welcome. Thank you for reading my post. I’ve had this conversation recently that is 41 and he just found out he was adopted. So I’m always willing to be an ear or a shoulder to lean on. Hopefully my story can help someone. I wish you happiness and blessings as well.

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