Guy meets girl, guy’s whole intention is to get in girls pants, girl knows that guy wants to get into girls pants and is all to happy to show guy just how fast she can make her YKK disappear. Guy and girl play naked Wii tennis and perfect Melvin’s squatting technique for about month, while being just friends with flexible spending accounts. On the 31st day girl asks guy where is this going, to which guy responds “Baby, you know I love your flap jacks and dental plan, I thought we were just having fun!” which sends girl through the roof and causes her to think twice about ordering those French vanilla flavored edible panties.
Of course this is a fictional tale (or is it??), but how many times have hearts and car windows been broken for not following commandment No. 1 of the 10 Cuffin Commandments? Or, how many times have you found yourself giving more of yourself because you think that you are in a relationship, while the other person thinks y’all are just kicking it? I can’t count how many times my female/male friends told me about how some guy/girl they’ve been sleeping with ain’t shit because he/she wants to act like they are in a relationship, but doesn’t want to commit.
Now usually when I hear their complaints, I ask a series of questions; were either of you clear with your expectations in the beginning i.e., are you just looking for a Cuffin buddy to show off your hip stretching techniques or did you make it known that you were looking for a relationship? Most of the time the answer I get, and I hear this mostly from women, is that even if the guy tells them that he just wants to have fun and hangout, after a few times of doing the horizontal mambo, the woman feels like they are in a relationship. Basically, after you reach that magic number of sexual encounters, the coochie becomes an unspoken handshake agreement for a relationship. I mean, we told you we didn’t want anything serious and you agreed, we were consistent while you were the one that changed, but yet “we aint shit”.
I understand that for some people, and by people I mean women, sex can become emotional especially if she grows to like the person she’s spending time with, while for men, sex is and will always be just sex. That’s why we can sleep with someone who we may not like, may be mad at or because it’s Tuesday. We as men we tend to think that if we made it clear what we wanted or didn’t want, even if we are intimate than signals should not get crossed. We didn’t lie and our actions have been consistent, you were the one that changed and caught feelings. On the flip side of that coin, we may not recognize that our actions; the spending time, eating her home cooking, and of course the sex, may send a signal to her that we actually are in a relationship contrary to what we said in the beginning.
They say all is fair in love and war. But is that really true? Can you be the bad guy even if you were honest? And can you be the good guy while not being honest? Is there a way men and women can both be honest without the possiblity of the friendship ending with someone’s feelings being hurt?
Talk to me, I’ll talk back.
Breazy Dee Williams.