After checking the monthly forecast, it appears that Summer is finally upon us. This means the baseball season is in full swing, flowers blooming and white women wearing little to no clothes to work every day – damn casual Fridays. BTW, is it me or do white women sit around counting the day until they can wear open toed sandals or thong sandals? I mean, they don’t even wait for it to be warm, any time the weather hits 55 degrees they are outside wearing flip-flops and sun dresses.
Anywho, the warmer temperature brings more than longer days and pollen, it also brings new dating rules, and with that new rules for Cuffin Season. Now you are probably thinking Cuffin Season (Cuffin Season – the time of year when the weather turns from warm to cold, and women and men alike search for someone to spend those cold winter nights with) wouldn’t apply to the warmer months, that it’s more of a cold weather indoor sport like basketball, and you would be partly right in this train of thought.
To keep it one hundred thousand trillion, no one is really trying to be tied down during the spring and summer. Women, men, and men (more so men) get a little claustrophobic around the time women start wearing club clothes to work and may express the need for a little space. *Side note* women if you noticed any red flags during the months when the two of you were all booed up, well they are not going to go away, as a matter of fact, they will turn into full blown billboards. Even women tend to act up a little more when it’s warmer, being a little busier than normal, hoping you take the hint
But oh ye of little faith, there is still hope of partly keeping someone’s attention amidst all the flesh and temptation that will be ever present during the spring and summer months. If you follow Breazy’s guide to Warm Weather Cuffin Season, I guarantee you’ll have someone to share your bed with at least three nights a week.
I present to you the “10 Crack Cuffing Commandments” to help you get your game on track, not ya wig pushed back.
1. Be Honest from 21 Jump Street
Do you know how many men’s’ tires have been slashed, windows have been broken and women’s throats choked because someone wasn’t honest in their intentions in the beginning? I know it’s not black love unless the local PD knows your name but to prevent all of that from happening, just tell the truth from jump.
2. Don’t get too comfortable too soon
Actually, this is nearly impossible to do during the warmer months since the apple of your eye may have started acting up on purpose, just so they could be rid of you for a couple months (you can expect a call from them in late October/early November). Cuffin Season has been known to give some people a false sense of security and confidence. Just because you were invited for a little naked Wii bowling and a slumber party, does not mean your name will be put on the lease. Unless you have Rihanna’s Thundercat and you can cause the light-skinned beef heard around the world, or are given the option to move in, for some, Cuffin season maybe shorter than Jermaine Dupri with braids.
3. Find someone that wants to be half way bothered with you
Look, relationships can be hard enough as it is, and trying to find someone who doesn’t know how to spell relationship, let alone want to be in one, can make mating difficult. Being that your options may be slim, what I suggest is to find someone that wants to “hangout,” you know, the type that only wants to come over after Scandal but before Late Night with David Letterman and on the rare occasion the two of you do go out you are always splitting Friday’s two for $20 and calling it a day.
4. Have realistic expectations
Just because someone approached you at happy hour last Friday doesn’t mean they want to be tied down, they are probably just looking for a synchronized swimming partner (get it) to train with during the spring and summer. So, if you are ok with that going, this will save the both of you a lot of heart ache, pain and having to get a restraining order in the future.
5. Know that whoever you are trying to Cuff may only be around for a limited time
Whether you are vacationing or staying home for the summer, the chances of having a summer fling are more likely to happen than finding a relationship that will last past the summer. Just be conscious of this, have fun and enjoy it while it lasts.
6. Do give the other person space
This should have been number one if you ask me. You can never give someone too much space during the warm months. You should never try to magnetize yourself to someone who would rather run with the pack only coming home occasionally to eat. Trying to monopolize all of their time could result in your feelings being hurt. So while you may want to run the 3 legged races every night, and they don’t, don’t feel bad, doing this could cause you to be on the receiving the Heisman stiff arm.
7. Don’t catch feelings
If you are told from get to that this is just recreation and fun and you agreed to it, then stick to the arrangement. By catching feelings and trying to turn warm weather cuffin season into something that it’s not, you have terminated the Cuffin Season contract and thus will be replaced immediately. Since this can only lead to an appearance on Judge Judy, or a voodoo doll being made; which if that happens, shit has gone way past “talking it out.”
8. Don’t expect to meet family members – especially mothers ever
Again, since you are only a summer vacation, do not catch feelings or expect to be invited to family functions or introduced to family members – especially mothers ever. Here is a sure fire way to tell whether you are the starting point guard or a bench player: If he/she brings you an aluminum foiled plate for the 4th of July and says something like “you know my mother doesn’t like strangers in her house” chances are you’re not even in the rotation.
9. Have fun
Whether it’s a one night stand or a one life stand, Cuffin Season still can be fun as long as it’s done responsibly.
10. Stick to the agreement stated in the Cuffin Season contract
Last but not least, to keep everything on an even keel and to prevent your situation from becoming a future idea for a reality show, please follow the rules.
What do you think, did I miss anything?